to think I am a worse mother

[GooGooMuck]

to two children than I was to one.

One child, I had time for things, I didn't have to tell him off. I could play with him and give him undivided attention. I was less narky about everything, because I had some time to myself and could process my own thought instead of snatching 2 minutes (like now when I can use both hands as the baby is asleep).

How old is your second child? Are they still v small? It does get much better - and there will be a time when the older one is at school and you can spend more time with the little one on his/her own...I have just got to this stage -20 months between mine, and I felt constantly like i was neglecting them both (eps youngest one, who just got dragged about in a car seat for months....never did baby swimming, baby music etc as had no time, but did all those things for the eldest)

Now it's great as the 4 year old is at school so I get to hang out more with the younger one and it's lovely to have some proper time with her. It will come! you are not a bad mum at ALL - just tired and over stretched!! we've all been there!!

I felt like this when DD2 was small. I worried about how I could be a good mother to two DDs before I had DD2, how could I love both them same or avoid having a favourite? I also felt bad that DD2 would never have that time that DD1 had had with me on her own without another sibling competing for attention.

It gets easier when they are out of the baby stage. DD1 is 5 (nearly 6) and DD2 is 2 and while they do have their fights over toys they mostly get on like a house on fire and clearly love one another to bits. Also I don't feel so mean to DD1 like I did when DD2 was a baby and inevitably taking up so much of my attention. Though I think as a parent your brain is always inevitably split between the two, and I feel like I have a lot more to think about, I think they both gain other advantages from having a sibiling to make up for what they have lost had either of them been any only child. And I say that having been a (mostly happy to be) only child myself.

DD is 5 months. I am of people who have babies that sleep during the day, she has 30 mins max.

I just feel like I'm constantly nagging DS. I don't want to be that type of mother. I just have a shitty tone to my voice on a permanent basis.

Even in September it'll be him I don't have time for :(

I was totally unprepared for the sheer back breaking work load of two. I always thought none to one would be the hardest but it wasn't at all. Ds was a dream baby who slept through from six weeks and napped three hours a day. Dd, not so much!

Yes, three is worse still. Having said that, I think (mums of 1, no offence meant) that my children seriously benefit from having 2, close in age siblings each.

I felt the same. Having a baby and a toddler was the hardest thing I've ever done. They're now 7 and 4 and completely delightful, at this stage having two is significantly easier than having one. There is light at the end of the tunnel

Yes mine are 8 and 4 and they do everything together now. They disappear up to bedrooms and I don't see them for hours at a time, having two at this age brilliant, they entertain each other and ds looks out for dd.

Ooh Prof - you have the same gap as me! I'm looking forward to it getting a bit easier although we're planning a third so it will probably be a while before that happens!

GooGoo - I feel your pain but as they get older your second will benefit from having an older sibling to watch/copy/play with and it will all be worth it :) I have minutes days like that! :)

I can't better for either humour or common sense Maryz here. She's right, OP. Living in a family, with all the advantages and disadvantages will prepare him for life, school, just about most things. He'll know you still love him just as much and that's the most important thing of all.