To want PIL's to open their own yellow pages for once?

[weebleswobblebutidontfalldown]

I probably am, but it just irritates me so bloody much.

PIL are in their 50's, both work - even managed to run their own business at one point, have dp's brother( 24) and sisters (25 and 20) living at home.
DP works very long hours, I work shifts so we can go 3/4 days some weeks only seeing each other to do the handover of dc (3 under 3).

Last night our only dinner of the week together, phone rings. It's mil asking dp to pop round and sort their new wireless router. Not a problem but still why can't his more tecnologically minded brother, who is there already, fit it?
Every week its something different, a light needs fitting, the taps leaking, flooring needs laying etc. If dp was a builder/able to do diy I could see why but he cannot do anything without making the situation worse, so he spends his time ringing people out of the yellow pages to go round and sort the problem.

Is it really unreasonable to expect his parents to be able to do this for themselves or the siblings that live there to help their parents?

I know I'm going to get flamed for saying dp shouldn't help his parents but I just want his siblings to pull their weight, especially as they live in the house so it's their problems too IYSWIM?

I reckon it's just their way of keeping in touch

I think your DH needs to learn to say no, I don't think you're unreasonable, they are not old if they are in the 50's.

I have a wonderful husband who has in the past put other people first, helping out etc. to the detriment of our relationship as it became all the time. It's partly why I love him and every now and again I have to remind him that we need to be put first sometimes too. He's well aware, but naturally lovely to others. Work it out between you so that it doesn't become out of hand and you don't end up looking like a crazy selfish cow.

Bluddy if he did it for our house I'd be less annoyed- I have a list of about 20 things that need sorting when we manage to get some time to sort them but "he's had a long day" etc but mil calls and he's straight on the phone.

six we go round there every sat afternoon, even though this is our only day as a family.

YANBU it sounds like you and your DP have your hands full as it is, without being lumbered with chores for other people, especially when it isn't your area of expertise, like DIY.

Do your PIL do you plenty of favours in return though? Babysit, help with childcare while either of you work and stuff? If so give and take is only fair (up to a point).

FWIW, my mum is pain in the arse for stuff like this. Asks for favours we can't help with and then gets the hump when we say no (it isn't realisitic to ask a friend of a friend to fell the fir trees in her garden for free. Even "mates rates" cost us £700 for the same job).

it is unrealistic not it isn't unrealistic. god, I'm tired.

senorita that's it - he won't say no but it's our relationship that suffers as I want to spend the very little time we actually get together, spending that time on us so we don't drift apart but he's spending it on the phone for their problems.
It's like they have a radar that goes off when we both sit down together!

My husband is always sorting out PIL's computer or this and that for them. But they look after DDs for one day a week and babysit, saves us over £200 a month in childcare, so I can't grumble really.

saffy, no favours in return and it definitely isn't dp's expertise. Dp's sister is seeing a builder so would have thought she could get him to look/ask if he knows someone rather than dp going for a random no in the phone book!

There's helping, and there's taking the piss.

Perhaps next time he can drop a Yellow Pages round to them, and say 'Here you are, ring your own bloody tradespeople'

Or just 'No, I'm busy'

Or...unplug the phone

bluddy starting to worry it'll get like that!

flisspaps I "accidentally" didn't get a new phone with an answermachine when the old one broke so now we can't return their call as they can't leave a message. ... is that bad?

How old are the siblings who live with DH's parents?

lesley they are 20, 24 and 25.

That's very very bad. I like your style.

Then they're taking the piss. And you should make sure you're too busy (which shouldn't be difficult by the sound of it). If DP has a hard time saying no make him practice in the mirror

Like I said my mum asks me favours, some I'll do as she does help me out quite a bit but other times I can't believe her cheek, such as the tree felling business.

flisspaps, my heart started to sink every time I saw that red flashing light as I knew what was coming:
1st message, "it's pil, can you sort out xyz for us?"
2nd message, "it's pil, haven't heard from you, can you do xyz?"
3rd message, " it's pil, you haven't called back"
Etc

saffy I really don't think dp will say no or sees it as a problem and that I'm just being mean because my parents don't need me to do their running around. maybe that's because they are capable of doing things for themselves?

You'd think by the time they left the 3rd message they'd have got the hint, really

At face value it's nice that your DP wants to help out his family but not if it means his own family life suffers. And his parent's sound like they're taking advantage. Also, do they ever say please? Because the examples you gave of their voicemails sound like your DP is treated like a (unpaid) handyman.

Could you do some guilt tripping yourself? "The weather is so nice the DC want to have a picnic in the park. Shame you'll have to miss it as you're helping out your mum and dad with such and such...." I've done the guilt trip thing on my DP [shameless emoticon] when he kept buggering off on his motorbike every waking moment he wasn't at work instead of spendingtime with DD. Worked quite well at times.

accidentally knock phone off hook?

Sounds weird to me, especially since they have 3 (THREE! ) twentysomethings living there already and you DH is no expert at DIY anyway. Sounds to me like the siblings should be pulling their weight since they actually share the home.

Are they quite controlling/needy about their DCs in general? I can't quite get my head around the other 3 still living with them.

Mackerel now you mention it, I think they are. Not thought of it like that but they are quite controlling.
I've never been very popular with them as I'm independant and like to do things in my free time and not sit in her lounge all weekend like dp's ex did. So I've never really paid much attention as I try to let it all wash over.
But thinking about it, in the early days of our relationship if dp and I were discussing anything he'd have to get mil's opinion. I did point out I thought it was weird that he'd asked her opinion on everything from what to do with the garden to how I should cook spag bol to what iron we should buy (I had been living on my own for 5 yrs so had a vague idea of what to look for in an iron ffs!). This habit has faded so has probably not helped my popularity!

I know sil and her boyfriend are saving up to buy their own place which mil has hundreds of opinions ranging from where to age to price, and sil wants to get married but won't as her bf wants to elope and mil would never forgive her.

A thought has occurred to me regarding the fact that he's not doing the DIY at home but will go straight round to his parents. Next time he's at his parents, phone their landline, ask for him and enquire if he could come round and fix a couple of things (being specific) at your house. The reversal may help him twig that he is neglecting his own home.