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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to have a nervo, all by myself

14 replies

MissVerinder · 04/05/2011 11:39

without people thinking it's because I'm OTB, female, hormonal, depressed blah blah blah.

Seriously. DP has just randomly purchased 4k worth of motorbike that we can't afford. I more angry at myself than him, because this is the second time he's done it. About 2 years ago he bought 5k worth of motorbike (he sold it but we're still paying for it iykwim. He works FT, I do 22 hours and care for an elderly relative 2 mornings a week. We have a 3 yr old daughter fgs. I have to get a second job now, for luxuries like.... shoes. He hid it in his mum's garage for 2 months. She cried when I found out because she thought I'd be cross with her. I'm so angry, and upset, and sick of it. I only found out because I had an inkling something was up and I checked his phone. Fool me once...

OP posts:

discobeaver · 04/05/2011 11:41

Sell it, or make him sell it. Sounds very unfair.

Original poster

MissVerinder · 04/05/2011 11:43

oh, DB, I wish I could. It is soooooo unfair. I can do without, no problem, but when he's spending DD's money as well.... That's part of the reason I'm so mad.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 04/05/2011 11:48

That's big purchase that should've been discussed beforehand!

Personally I would start casually talking about the summer holiday you are going to book, the one that costs £4,000, bring out brochures and drop it casually into conversation - then when he shows surprise, you can do the whole 'Oh I'm sorry, I thought we had loads of extra money suddenly as you have bought a bike!'...........and then tbh I would hit the bloody roof and if he didn't sell it pretty quick and have a very good explanation as to what is going on, I would want to know why! I am cross on your behalf, you need to make it VERY clear that this cannot happen again.

Original poster

MissVerinder · 04/05/2011 11:51

valium I like that. He's on a monster sex ban as well. I can't think of what else to do. I just feel like he's being so smug, and his little bikey mates are all being smug as well. So many people knew about it, but no-one thought enough of me to mention it. He can have a bike, no problem, it's the lies and sneaking around.

OP posts:

pirateparty · 04/05/2011 11:58

I don't know what a nervo is but I would be beyond furious if dh did that. And I was just thinking to myself that lots of posts on mn make think I'm either very laid back or a complete walk over compared to most people!

What is a nervo?

discobeaver · 04/05/2011 12:00

Monster sex ban! Made me laugh sorry - my sister refers to them as "no sex crimes"
So you couldn't stick the bike on eBay then? I don't think you should have to get a second job so he can have toys. If you have the cash then fine, otherwise it's a bit of a piss take.

Original poster

MissVerinder · 04/05/2011 12:12

pirate nervous break down!
DB he's on a ban until Christmas at least, and in the answer to your next question, no, I am not cutting my nose off to spite my face with that one... I would love to put the bike on ebay but he managed to get finance this time round, so we can't even [ay it back early, and because he hid it so long, the cooling off period's over.

OP posts:

discobeaver · 04/05/2011 13:20

kreecherlivesupstairs · 04/05/2011 14:09

YANBU. That is dreadful (I am probably not the best to say that, I did sell my DHs motorbike, he still has no idea)

cheekeymonkey · 04/05/2011 15:36

Sounds like he wants to act like a single man with his saddo friends.

He is going the right way about it!

What gives him the right to think it is HIS money to spend on whatever he likes?

OOWH, I could crush a grape - his!

gawdblimey · 04/05/2011 15:42

no way would i be getting a second job, sod that

manticlimactic · 04/05/2011 16:40

Well I'd be on the lookout for a second husband not a second job. Once you've got rid of the first husband of course.

I'd be furious. Feed him beans on toast only until it's paid off. Infact I don't think I'd even do that!

Original poster

MissVerinder · 05/05/2011 08:50

Hmmmm..... Beans on toast is a definite winner. They will have to be Tesco Value beans though!

OP posts:

fartingfran · 05/05/2011 08:56

This definitely calls for ice maiden treatment. I would be beyond angry to be honest. Not sure how you work your finances but can you get him to transfer you money each month so that you're in charge of the paltry remaining budget? Mainly so you can ensure he's utterly skint for the forseeable future. Won't be so much fun when he has to think twice before filling it up with fuel.

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