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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my ds's christening invites....

31 replies

Moulesfrites · 04/05/2011 10:03

so it is my ds' christening in a couple of weeks. We sent out invitations ages ago, with an RSVP by date on. The date came and went so yesterday I text those people who hadn't yet replied and asked them again, as we need to confirm numbers with the caterers as we are paying per head.

I have been shocked at some people asking if they can bring others along who are not invited! For example, my auntie has asked if my two teenage cousins can bring their boyfriends, who I have met once before. Similarly, my uncle has told my grandad, not me, that his two teenage step sons will be bringing their girlfriends, and one of my colleagues has informed me that her 19 year old and 15 yer old daughters can't wait to come, even though they weren't invited. Tbf, I had invited the children of other colleagues, as they are babies and toddlers - I did not think her teenagers would be interested in coming to their mum's colleagues's baby's christening!

This means there are an extra 6 people coming who we will have to cater for, none of whom we really know at all! Aibu to be annoyed by this? But whaton eart do I do/ say?

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 04/05/2011 10:07

That's tricky. Can you phone (not text) and explain that there isn't room, you don't like them, they are cheeky buggers?
I loathe texting and refuse to read any that I have been sent.
YANBU to be cross by the way.
With regard to the catering costs, can you just leave it as it is if it is a buffet? IME, people tend to eat less than you expect.

InWithTheITCrowd · 04/05/2011 10:13

I don't really have any advice, but i just wanted to tell you that yanbu! That's really weird. I wouldn't dream of adding guests to a christening i'd been invited to- or go myself if i wasn't invited. Christenings, ime, are very family oriented aren't they? Why gate crash one!?

Are you having a buffet, rather than a sit-down meal? If so, i wouldn't order any extra. Buffets tend to be quite generous, and there may be some guests who don't eat much, or maybe some who might have confirmed, but won't turn up on the day.
You're right, though. Odd behaviour imo

saffy85 · 04/05/2011 10:18

YANBU to be Hmm at random people you don't know and havn't invited being invited by other guests. I think you should nip this in the bud if it really bothers you. It is rude imo. If it was a wedding with an expensive sit down meal would anyone think it would be ok to let 6 extra people tag along?

DP's aunt was going to bring two friend's of her teenage sons along to my pfb DD's christening. I wasn't aware of this til afterwards as PIL told her in no uncertain terms it would be rude to do this and she shouldn't. I'm glad they did tell her not to. It was bad enough having DP's teenage cousins checking their phones and looking incredibly bored during the service without 2 more bored teenagers doing the same.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 04/05/2011 10:22

Shockingly rude. My dad wanted to invite two of his friends to my wedding who I had never met. At least he did have the decency to ask me before he spoke to them as I told him No - there was a limit on numbers at the venue due to fire regs and I would have had to de-invite my two of my friends!

Some people are so cheeky! I think you will have to ring (not text!) and explain you cannot accommodate these extra people.;

FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 10:36

I would advise that the event is catered and only for a specific number of people, and that unfortunately you cannot accomodate additional bodies as it were.

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/05/2011 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gwinkofchocolate · 04/05/2011 10:42

Tell them you would love to see them at the lengthy church service and look forward to hearing them all belting out all of the hymns. Remind them that they are welcome to join you in the church hall for a cup of tea and a digestive afterwards to discuss their responsiblities regarding the religious guidance of your DS. Then see how many want to come Wink.

chocadoodle · 04/05/2011 11:26

Had the same thing with my DS's Christening. I knew it would bother me far too much to just let it go so I had to say something. Along the lines of "I'm sorry, would you mind not bringing to Christening, only we're restricted on numbers, if I were able to invite another 6 people I would be inviting more of my own friends rather than friends of cousins, neighbours of great-uncle, grandma's paperboy etc"

No one seemed to have a problem with this (not to my face anyway!) Grin

Jaspants · 04/05/2011 11:41

YANBU - rude buggers

chelstonmum · 04/05/2011 11:53

YANBU. I had a simmilar issue, one elderly aunt (my great aunt) who though her invite extended to her grown up kids (my second cousins) and their own families (an extra 4 adults, 3 teenagers and a toddler!). I had to say im sorry but we only have X amount of space in the venue. That was accepted, huffily, but then on the day.... a friend had people over the night before, they ended up staying over. They simply brought them and their 3 kids along instead of saying we have plans at noon, but it was lovely to see you last night and this morning!

In the end we had to ask the hotel to set out another table for five...much to the tutting of my already huffy great aunt!

I honestly get so stressed over family events :-(

DontGoCurly · 04/05/2011 12:01

Yanbu

It never fails to amaze me how rude and stupid some people are! In what parallel Universe do people get an invite with their name on it and think they can bring others along?

Who are these people!?

Bluemoonrising · 04/05/2011 13:32

YABU to assume that teenagers would not want to come - my teenage daughter loves anything to do with babies and childre, and would be there in a shot if she could, despite not knowing you at all!

But of course YANBU to think that this is peculiar and not really on. It's very bizarre to invite others to someone else's special event - why would you even consider it?

FleeBee · 04/05/2011 13:32

This is like my DC1 christening. My DH has a strange family member who we weren't going to invite as some hadn't even met 9 month old baby, so we wanted to keep to close family/friends only. Making it more meaningful and keeping costs down.

FIL went crazy mental and insisted that his side of the family members were invited and I was dead against it. However, in a soft moment DH relented. I was really suprised when his cousin's who we haven't seen in years arrived bringing their OH's with them. We hadn't invited them and they hadn't even responded to say they were coming, nor that they were bringing people with them. I almost asked one guy ,who he was as he was tucking into the buffet, as I thought he'd arrived at the wrong party!

As suspected we haven't seen the family members or their partners since and DC is now nearly 3.5 When DC2 was christened I did trim the guest list and only people who had met the baby were invited. FIL didn't make a murmur this time, and I think the service and party was better for being smaller and more meaningful.

So I totally agree, surely you must have some connection, and have previously met the baby to attend the christening????

ashamedandconfused · 04/05/2011 13:42

why do loads of random teenagers even want to come along to such an event?? Some people have a hard enough job getting theirs along to "dos" of close family members.

YANBU, i cannot believe the cheek of some people

I have over the years had lots of extra toddlers at my DC parties, I think parents just think "oh its a DIY hall do, so one more kid wont matter" - then I have to set another place, include the mite in games cos they cant sit still for 2 hours while everyone else is playing!, and dole out a bloomin party bag when they happily line up with everyone else for one!(because it is not the childs fault their parent is so RUDE)

we laugh now at the couple who came to our wedding UNINVITED ( loose colleague of DH who misunderstood the "evening" invitation to all and sundry as a personal invite to the full thing! Hmm) at the time i was not sure whether to be Grin, Shock or Angry

moomaa · 04/05/2011 13:52

I think most christenings are in a general church service or at least with other babies getting christened then a buffet at someone's house. Pretty unusual to have a seated, per head meal I would have thought. In the first scenario what difference is it really going to make having a few extra?

T'is especially mean not to let teenagers bring their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Danthe4th · 04/05/2011 14:14

Its a christening which to me means family, friends, the whole congregation!! the more the merrier in my opinion, thats what is so nice about a christening in church that it is shared, a celebration of a new life.
But I do think its a little odd to presume to come to an after party without an invite but usually most people do a buffet and there is usually plenty, so just add a few heads and enjoy, not worth bothering about, perhaps they want to show off their partners!!

dmo · 04/05/2011 14:25

my niece is getting christened on sunday and i didnt even think to invite my ds's gf along, mind you wouldnt want to scare the poor thing away Grin

KD0706 · 04/05/2011 14:37

YANBU

One of DH's friends brought his (uninvited) girlfriend to our wedding.
DH didn't even know he had a girlfriend and it turned out they had been seeing each other for a couple of months, we had obviously never met her and his invite was clearly just to him, not plus one (we had a restriction on numbers).

We did manage to stick another chair onto one of the tables and the venue rustled up an extra portion of food. I think she must have been embarrassed, I would have been. I assumed that the friend had told her she was invited too...

Anyway, back to you OP - I agree that you should just telephone the relevant people and set them straight. No way should you pay to feed random people, and presumably if you don't know them really then your DS's christening won't mean much to them

TheVeryAngryMumapillar · 04/05/2011 15:41

Ooh people are SO hard faced! When I first met my DH, his mates were getting married and they just couldn't ask me due to budget...I'd only been dating DH for a couple of weeks but they kindly asked me to the evening event and I was very flattered....I thought that was a very kind thing since they'd met me once!

I think some people are dragged up!

Flisspaps · 04/05/2011 15:47

I don't think it's mean to not allow teenagers to bring along guests. They're perfectly old enough to manage to not fawn over their beloved for a couple of hours. Anyway, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

It really bloody narks me that people start bringing +1s or +2s to events when they've not been told they could.

Anyone can attend the actualy church ceremony, but it's a good job that 6 more people didn't attend DD's Christening 'party' as there wasn't enough room in the house.

Flisspaps · 04/05/2011 15:47

*actual

saffy85 · 04/05/2011 16:08

"T'is especially mean not to let teenagers bring their boyfriend/girlfriend"

Eh? Hmm Confused I survived not being able to drag invite my boyfriend I had as a teenager along to various things when we dated. Neither of us had a complete mental or physical breakdown.

GrungeBlobPrimpants · 04/05/2011 16:14

I'd clamp down and say 'no' very firmly

It's not just one extra it's several
Being at a private house and buffet do is no excuse, it's downright rude

That small extra number would fill my house and postage stamp garden to bursting I would be LIVID

moomaa · 04/05/2011 19:11

Ok I'm in the minority but the more the merrier as far as I am concerned. All welcome at my house Grin. It is nice to meet people's other halves.

Sit down meal is different, is this a sit down, pay per head meal OP? I still think that most people don't think a few extra is a pain at the bog standard christening set up.

MadameCastafiore · 04/05/2011 19:14

YANBU - Text them tell them that caterers are booked and you can only afford so nush and could they please arrange for someone to mind their kids or them to stay somewhere else.

We had this at our wedding - I wanted engaged or married couples to come and no plus ones - was out voted and now have wedding pictures with 3 'girlfirends' who are no longer whpo I will never see agiain.

You are not on the invite should be shouted loudly at people I think!