To be worrying about nursery/ preschool

[kitkey]

Ds1 will be 4 in December and I think I have messed up his preschool arrangements - I can't sleep with guilt. He and ds2 (nearly 2) go to a daycare nursery 2 full days a week on wed and thurs as I work those days - they are there 20hrs a week. I didn't apply for a nursery place a a primary school as the session times don't fit in with my childcare needs and I don't think they can go to the after school club if in nursery. BUT I am now going to be on maternity leave from September and originally thought it would still be ok for both ds to go to nursery on wed and thurs to give me time with the baby, because it might be too much change for ds1 to have in one go - new baby and new nursery and because It would save on nursery runs with both ds being at same nursery. Today some of his little friends got confirmation of place at school nursery (not sure ds would have even got in as we live a bit further away and he will probably go to a different primary school which doesn't have a pre school). But now I feel selfish and guilty that I am holding him back. Also maybe he will be bored on the 3 days not at nursery!?

They only get 2 1/2 days funded at preschool anyway so he's only missing 1/2 a day

Don't worry. i'm sure you'll remember from your 2nd pregnancy that as soon as it starts, guilt sets in regarding the first child and all the things you're not doing for them, or not doing right. Try not to beat yourself up. Sounds fine for now. And you can find out from your local schools if there is a preschool and if they have a waiting list, or could give you a call if they get an opening - in case you feel the need to put him somewhere else later in the year.

I don't think you're "holding him back". Is he happy at the nursery he goes to with his little brother on Wednesday and Thursdays?

I found it was all too easy to doubt my decisions over this kind of thing, when I saw that other parents made different choices. Trust your judgement. Your plan sounds very workable; your boys continue to attend the setting they are used to, you get two long days while they are there, and you don't have preschool runs to fit in around the new baby.

(FWIW I didn't send my youngest DC to the school nursery she could've gone to because she was very settled at the committee-run preschool she was already attending. She just went straight into Reception.)

I really wouldn't worry. 2 days at nursery and the rest of the week with you is a good balance. They also won't need to go through the disruption of changing nursery at the same time as the new baby arrives. I think you've made the right decision. Consistency of routine matters when a new sibling arrives and that's what you are doing.

my ds 1started nursery last sept aged nearly 4 i know by law they can start the term after there third birthday but nobody at my local children s services dept in my local council seemed to have any ideawhat i was talking about when i phoned to enquire [he did have a place at primary school nursery but did n start untill the september] i only found out icould phone any local nursery to see if they had a place when the health visitor told me in may when ds2 was born of course i worried he wouldnt settle and he would be behind the other children he isa naturally shy child but he took to it like a duck to water and starts the reception there in september with most of his little friends so all worked out for the best

I wouldn't feel guilty, I think you may have 'chosen' the better option anyway. School nurseries often have strange allocated times e.g. 9-11.30 and you'll be back and forth like a yo yo. Long days will be better for you and your new lo.

Also a matter of opinion but from my limited experience private nurseries seem to offer better facilities than school nurseries. They are also long enough in a school environment too when they are older without doing an extra year. It is nice for him to be in the same place as his brother. If you go back to work after maternity then DS2 would not be able to do school nursery so that wouldn't be 'fair'....enough reasons yet? :)

YANBU - kids will make friends as soon as they arrive in a new setting and if you're not going to send him to a school which has a pre-school, then chances are there will be a good mix of little ones who don't all know one another.

We're going to send DS to a day nursery for 3 half days a week once he turns 3 (only place in town with outstanding ofsted) and not a pre-school as the primary school we plan on sending him to is not in any way local to us and has no pre-school either, so they all start on the same footing. I think the care he will get and the socialisation of the day nursery is going to be perfectly good - after all, the place is full of kids up to the age of 4, none of whom are going to another pre-school.

x2boys I also think the lack of information about nursery places is shocking too. I only knew what options there were by asking around other mums. The range of options is a bit bewildering. I think you should be given a leaflet by HV on how it works in your area.

I wouldn't actually be surprised if the HV here didn't actually know where the preschools were, which you had to pay for, which had waiting lists etc, they are so baby focused.

I think what you are doing is absolutely fine. My DS goes to a private nursery 2 days a week and when he gets his funded place in Sept I will keep him there. It's a lovely nursery where he is happy and settled, and it is open longer hours and through the holidays. I don't think it is necessary to put a child in a specific pre school if they already go somewhere that they like.

(a) dont worry
(b) try and contact council for clearance place, for example I applied to 2, and am only taking 1 place so I am sure there will be spaces, someone told me they are l;egall obliged to give you a place

My DD is starting full time pre school in Sept, the month before her 4th birthday. I feel guilty that she will be there from 9-3.20 mon-fri. If I sent her for less time, then I would feel guilty that she would be missing out on the chance to make friends as all the other kids will be there full time. Whatever you do, you will feel bad about it on some level. It goes with the territory of being a parent.

On a slightly separate note, my DD's full time pre school place is entirely free (it is at our local primary school). Is this unusual? I'm not sure why some people are only getting 15 hours funded.

welcome to school age life- you will find, right up until your youngest leaves school that every time someone makes a different decison to you, it will make you question your choice.

i think that your choice is very sensible indeed. getting a 4 year old to pre-school for a 3 hour session with a baby and toddler is not fun- sending them both for 2 full days is far more sensible. school comes soon enough.

my dd3 is sticking with her nursery until she can go to full time reception( just before her 5th birthday- this is based directly only my experience of the others going through early years classes at their lower school- it was mad- involved doing 1 term of mornings, one of afternoons then swapping back again!