to tell dh, 'NO!'

[madhousewife]

We have 2 kids (3.5 and 1). I haven't left the 1 year old at all except for my recent return to work as a teacher. I haven't had a night out or time away but this is by choice and lack of opportunity! I'm still breast feeding, DS is pretty clingy and I don't have a baby sitter other than my MIL.

DH asks every once and awhile if he can go out with the boys and I always say yes and have never had too much of an issue with this.

The other day he asked if he could go on a canoe trip with the boys, it's supposed to be 3 days but he wants to do 2 so he's not gone as long. I said sure. I even insisted he go for three.

tonight I find out he's going during the half term break, i didn't even think to ask when it was. Now for some reason I'm angry and I'm not sure if I'm justified. DH has planned two family vacations for us in the near future and he is taking me away in the summer for our first romantic getaway since ds was born. Surely he is allowed some time with his friends?

I just hate the thought of being alone, single mum, during the half term break. I don't know if I'm just jealous that he can just leave while I'm somewhat stuck with the kids.

Tell your DH he can go, BUT he must take his turn at looking after the kids alone for a couple of days during a school holiday, while you get to go off and do something that YOU like.

YANBU to be feeling a bit miffed, but YWBU to make him feel bad about going now.

You do however, deserve to be given something very pretty.

Wouldn't your dh be at work for most of the half term anyway?

YABU even though I understand perfectly how you feel. If you're always at home with children through, as you say, your choice, you cannot begrudge him 2 days break, imo.

dont kid yourself it would be ANYTHING like being a single mum either!!

thanks for the comments - all very true! especially me deserving something pretty!!!

dh might be at work during the half term - but that's easier to accept I guess than a holiday.

and I don't really, deep down, begrudge him. i started to feel better just posting this, i know that i just need to take some time for myself and start to let go of my baby a bit more.

I really appreciate all of your comments.

I agree, Tiffany - your husband being away for 3 nights is NOTHING AT ALL like being a single mum!

tiffany - didn't read your message before posting.
you are so right, dh was away for a few months with work back in December and I have no right to compare myself to a single mum.

I understand how you feel but it would be unreasonable to make him feel bad. You need to do what I do and make the time he is away as easy as poss. When DH is away (rare) i don't cook, we eat out or get take away lunch and dinner , I don't do housework. I arrange get togethers with friends and in the evenings I get in a load of DVD's etc and have as much of a chilled time as you can with two dc around!

I generally abandon all routine to so we are lolling around in pj's till lunch and my pair are unlikey to see a bath for a couple of days!

Get a grip, he sounds like a gem, and you will not be a single Mum.
The thought is laughable.

My dh has been away with work every May half term for as long as I can remember, so I am left with the kids and arranging childcare so I can work. It can be a pain but you get used to it and I don't mind so much now.

I think you need to let go (hard I know) and to try and arrange something for yourself, so you feel better.

I would spend the time plotting MY time away!!!

I think in fairness to the OP it's not that she doesn't want her DH to go it's more the knowing that it wouldn't be that simple for her to do the same.

Technically i could go away on a girls weekend but none of my friends would leave their families or couldn't make arrangements to cover child care so unless I go away on my tod it's a non option for me and that's the bit that makes you feel unreasonable feeling a little trapped I suppose.

That would be a very controlling thing to do, and you'd be quite bonkers.

It's not unreasonable to be fine with the idea of him going off when you're working and not happy with the idea of him being away when you are off. Did he not realise it was during your half term when he first told you about it?

With work you will have the benefit of a change in routine and some adult company. During half term your days will seem a bit more relentless, adult conversation will be lacking, as will variety in your day.

Is there any way he can move the trip?