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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be slightly bemused that she actually thinks this?

46 replies

NoWayNoHow · 03/05/2011 15:00

Old friend of mine has an 18 week old DS (first child), and he's just started going through that difficult period they go through at this age where they have growth spurts, sometimes teeth, etc, but basically wake loads more in the night and drive us parents to distraction.

She has genuinely just phoned me to ask me what she can do to stop her DS "from being so naughty" Hmm

Not said jokingly. Totally serious. Asking my opinion cos I have a background in child development so might be able to help with any "behavioural issues"! Double Hmm

I've basically dismissed the whole naughty angle and gone with the standard "it's just one of those phases they go through when they get to this age, can you see any sign of teething, is he feeding more, might be the 4 month growth spurt?" etc etc.

But AIBU to be a little Shock that in 2011, a well-educated and intelligent woman actually believes that her 4 month old baby is being deliberately naughty??

OP posts:
ChunkyPickle · 03/05/2011 18:31

err - my 8 month old definitely has tantrums (not 2 year old stomping screaming, hitting, but the baby version) - if you take something away that he wants (laptop, phone, mug, fork or whatever) then he'll flop himself down onto the floor and commence wailing, with occasional accusing looks at me.

He's not in pain, 10 seconds later (or if distracted) he stops, but it's definitely a tantrum.

minibmw2010 · 03/05/2011 18:44

Am I being a bit dim in wondering why an 8 month baby would "want" a laptop ??? Hmm I mean there's advanced and then there's advanced ...

ChunkyPickle · 03/05/2011 18:45

ROFL - it has buttons, and bright lights.... I curse the people who decided that anything electrical should have a little glowing light. He goes after the cordless phone (lit keypad), the extension cords (lit switch) the tv (little glowing standby light), like a little magpie :)

gkys · 03/05/2011 18:52

in that case my 7 month old is a terror, he is obviously biting me and pulling my hair and throwing food at me just to upset me Wink people are odd

colditz · 03/05/2011 18:56

Why wouldn't a baby want a laptop? It's clearly expensive and fragile.

Original poster
NoWayNoHow · 03/05/2011 18:57

DS was the same - CD's, remotes, mobile phones, laptops, cordless phones, anything with buttons and anything that lit up.

Drove us crazy!

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 03/05/2011 18:58

I am totally with Colditz and Sidge.

Op, yanbu.

NinkyNonker · 03/05/2011 19:00

Oh, and I will forever more whole heartedly recommend wrap slings to any friend who has a baby. Without being over dramatic, they can really change your life.

ChunkyPickle · 03/05/2011 19:01

colditz - exactly - my LO seems to know, given an array of kit on the table which is the most expensive piece to grab hold of, bang, then shove into his mouth.

NinkyNonker · 03/05/2011 19:09

We have a sacrificial remote. Don't know what it's for, but we place it strategically just out of reach and she goes nuts for it. Every now and then we make a point of taking it back AP that she still wants it. Blush

BumWiper · 03/05/2011 19:18

op your friend is sleep deprived and at the end of her tether by the sounds of it.rational thinking goes out the window when you would sell your granny for an hours sleep.

maybe offer to take the baby for a walk so she can get some sleep.

exoticfruits · 03/05/2011 19:20

I think it is quite understandable, now that people don't have huge families it is possible to go through life with no experience of babies or toddlers.
In th same way, people have a fairly bright 2yr old who gets a lot of adult company and they wonder how the school will cope! Or they post about a 3 yr old behaving like a teenager because they have 'attitude'!
They get it, hopefully, with experience. It is a stage-then they get to the next one and you think the first one wasn't so bad!

woopsidaisy · 03/05/2011 19:28

Thanks TrinityRhino.
If I pluck up the courage for number 3 I am deffo getting a sling!
No WayNoHow,I am an educated woman,and a nurse! And I had no idea of how to look after/ deal with/ accept my babies. I had to rely on my experience of adults,because that was all I knew. I still do it sometimes now!
Just help her out,give her a break and some support.

parakeet · 03/05/2011 20:40

I think a lot of the posts on here sound slightly hysterical about the potential damage that will occur to babies if they are not picked up and comforted the moment they start crying.

I was like that with my first. My second cried a fair bit more, simply because I was coping with a toddler at the same time.

I have a friend who now has her fourth baby - she has four children under six years old. Whenever I see her on school runs and such like, about half the time the baby is crying and the two-year-old is stuffing himself on biscuits. I'm sure they'll both turn out fine!

exoticfruits · 03/05/2011 22:18

I agree parakeet and I would go as far as to say that it is much better to be a second baby and be igored a bit. I was a PFB and often think my siblings got a better deal-once my mother had more experience and less time.

notnowbernard · 04/05/2011 10:14

I am definitely not convinced that an 8m old is capable of tantrumming Hmm

Yes they get pissed off if you take something away they shouldn't have. But that is not a tantrum, IMO

And as adults we certainly shouldn't behave as if they ARE having a tantrum (like the woman I referred to in my earlier post, who was treating her 8m old as if he were a 2yr old, and telling him off for 'snatching')

dexifehatz · 04/05/2011 21:53

How are we defining a tantrum here? I thought it was when a child could not have something that it wants?

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 04/05/2011 22:23

I class a tantrum as when they can't have something they want.

My ds has been tantrumming if you take something away that he wants since he was 5 months old! (And yes the glowy buttony things like phones and remotes were the worst!)

At 9 months he has now progressed to throwing himself on the floor, kicking and screaming (and I mean screaming, this is not a crying cry, it's a screaming cry) and the extra annoying throwing his arms up and head back and bucking so he nearly slips out of your hands. His record is 1 hour and 15 minutes solid screaming and I did everything I could think of to try and distract and comfort him, in the end I put him on the floor and sat next to him and waited. Eventually he decided the radiator was interesting enough to warrant a break from the screaming and all was fine again.

Today was fun.

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 04/05/2011 22:39

A lot disagreement here seems to be stemming from choice of words.

I genuinely don't understand why anyone takes offence when they are asked if their baby is good.

And I say this as a mother of three who definitely would not have been considered to be "good" babies.

notnowbernard · 05/05/2011 21:15

Tantrums are for toddlers and devil children

Babies are babies - they scream because that's all they can do. They have no other way of expressing a 'negative' feeling

thelittlefriend · 05/05/2011 21:25

woopsidaisy your early days with your first sound very similar to mine. we're going to start ttc no2 soon and I am convincing myself that it'll all be different this time because I won't have the time to worry as I'll have a toddler to look after. fingers crossed i'm right!

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