To feel annoyed with my friend for telling me how great our mutual friend looks after giving birth?

[capricorn76]

I know I'm probably being unreasonable but I can't help but feel a bit upset.

I just got off the phone to a very close friend of mine who told me she visited our mutual friend over the holidays to see her new baby. She then went into detail about how great the friend looked, how she just pinged back to her normal slim figure, how you would never have known she had just given birth etc etc.

I wouldn't normally be annoyed but my friend knows how down I've been about my own weight. I put on a lot while I was pregnant (I had dd 17 weeks ago) and although I'm now going to the gym, eating better and steadily losing the extra pounds I'm still unhappy with how I look. She know's all of this. The mutual friend is also 7 years younger than me never eats past 6.30pm and has been having botox since she was 25 so she was never going to look bad after pregnancy anyway so what was the point in telling me this? I heard more about how our friend looked than about the baby.

AIBU to be annoyed with my friend for feeling the need to tell me how great our other friend looks when she knows I feel shitty with the way I look?

She was being a bit insensitive, esp if she knows how down you feel.

OP, 17 weeks is NO TIME AT ALL! My Ds is over 6 months old and I have 2 stone still to lose. You'll get there in the end!

I know I'm BU and over-sensitive. It was just that when I asked if she'd seen the baby she said the baby was 'tiny' that was it nothing else about the baby then the next couple of minutes were spent telling me how thin and amazing mutual fried looked. I was a bit .

She does have a kid of her own and it took ages for her to lose weight and she was really depressed about it so I would've thought she would've been more sensitive.

Anyway I'm genuinely happy for our mutual and shouldn't have taken it as a dig against me. If anything it's spurned me on to try harder to get back in shape.

YABU.
There will always be many many women who look better than you, even a week after giving birth. THat said, there will be as many, maybe more, who will look worse than you who haven't even had a baby!

It's not personal, it's just a fact!

Keep up with your weight-loss regime and hopefully you will soon be happier with the way you look.

For what's it worth, I hit a wall yesterday, can't stand the way I look and am now dieting too, however, this would not have offended me!

Oh Capricorn. You are overthinking this. You indicate that you are taking your time to lose your baby weight as did your friend. This is most women to be honest. But we all know someone who came out of the delivery suite in their size 6 jeans and think, how do they bloody do it??? She was probably just expressing her amazement and envy at your friend and expecting you to understand because you are in the same position as her. I don't see it as a dig at you at all!

Capricorn, I assumed she may not have had children to understand how hard losing the weight can be. But seeing as she's been through it herself and found it hard, I'm now inclined to go along with what the majority have said here: your friend is probably just amazed at how lucky your mutual friend is.

Good luck in getting back to a size you're happy with and congratulations on your baby .

YABU - lots of women end up skinny after pregnancy. The majority of us take a bit of time getting back into shape. The time it takes is not important but getting to the goal you want IS - perhaps your friend was trying to be supportive by saying 'it is possible to do this'.

More likely she wasn't thinking of you at all, and was just thinking 'wow I'm really shocked'.

YABU and over sensitive. Your friend was being nice about your other friend, that's all. It's no reason to make it all about you.

And tbf, how much is there to say about a newborn baby? They are tiny. What were you expecting her to say about the baby?

YAB a tiny bit U. I doubt your friend was being deliberately insensitive, some people are just obsessed with stuff like this, my MIL never once asked me about my general wellbeing/health in months after I had DD only obsessed enquired after how much weight I'd lost. She wasn't being deliberately offensive. But I still wanted to kill her at times. Possibly suffocating her with pages from that bloody Atkins diet book.

If you like her, if you value her friendship, then assume good faith and that she was simply thoughtless. If not, then drop her.

Okay slight backstory. I love her but she has given me back-handed compliments in the past and can be a bit competitive although I'm far from being an angel. However, I'm glad I posted this as I now realise that I was being over sensitive and I'm probably just angry with myself for putting on more weight than I'd intended. I think I look like I've let myself go a bit and thus believe everyone else must feel the same when they look at me which is probably untrue. I guess I need to stop being so critical of myself and relax a bit about it. In conclusion - IABU.