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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or am I overreacting?

21 replies

PeachMelba78 · 03/05/2011 10:46

It was my son's blessing last weekend on the Saturday and my friend from work had confirmed that she was coming. I only worked the Tuesday of last week and she was in another office so we did not talk that day. On the Friday I got a text from her saying she wasn't able to come on the Sunday as her relatives had turned up unexpectedly. I texted back that was OK but it was actually on the Saturday, and that I would see her in work on Tuesday, today. She did text after the bessing saying she hoped we had a good time and she was sorry she missed it.
This morning she took an hour and a half to come over and speak to me, she asked how it went, commented on the weather that day and went on her merry way. AIBU to expect an apology face-to-face as well as the text? She was the only work colleague that I invited.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 03/05/2011 10:48

I do think you are expecting too much, however I would have started the conversation with Im really sorry I couldn't come, hope all went well.

squeakytoy · 03/05/2011 10:48

I think you are being a bit over-sensitive. A blessing is really more of a family and close friend thing. Maybe she felt as the only work colleague she would feel a bit out of place. I think I would.

At least she let you know she wasnt coming.

diddl · 03/05/2011 10:49

You seem to be implying that she should be rushing to you & apologising immediately, rather than getting on with her work tbh.

BluddyMoFo · 03/05/2011 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PeachMelba78 · 03/05/2011 10:51

She is my friend too, she came to my wedding and we are close. It was a large event and I just felt a little slighted, however I am prepared to be told IABU. She did have tme to chat on the phone and wander down for cofee before she came to speak to me though.

OP posts:

gkys · 03/05/2011 10:52

It sounds as if she didn't want to come, and was well aware that she had been caught out.

Original poster

PeachMelba78 · 03/05/2011 10:52

Thanks BluddyMoFo you have comfirmed a suspicion for me - I think it was too far for her to come at over an hours drive. Makes me feel a little sad but I am just her friend, not her family. My sis didn't come either - that is worse.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 10:52

What was the blessing for? Is it in place of something formal or for a special reason or something?

It sounds to me as if your colleague said 'yes' on the spur of the moment and then decided she didn't want to go so she made up the 'visitors' as that was an explainable excuse that would work and not hurt you.

She therefore didn't want to bring it up with you again at work, she apologised by text and hpoed that your day went well. Why would she need to apologise again?

Don't make a drama out of it, not at work. You had a nice day and that's all that matters. :)

upahill · 03/05/2011 10:52

at bluddy! I've done that!!

heliumballoons · 03/05/2011 10:53

Actually I think your collegue sounds nice. Most people feel awkward when they let others down but she has apologised by text, text to see it all went ok, and then come and spoken to you face to face about the day.

Just remember these events aren't as important to others as the parents of the child - so she is making an effort.

yanbu to feel sad she missed it but don't let it mar the day.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 10:54

Yes! BluddyMoFo has it... she got caught out....

squeakytoy · 03/05/2011 10:55

If she had got the date wrong anyway, she may have already made plans for the Saturday beforehand which would have still made it difficult for her to come. And as the relatives had turned up on the Friday, that would have mucked up her plans for the saturday and sunday.

zikes · 03/05/2011 10:56

I think yabu.

She didn't want to come for whatever reason, but:

she did tell you beforehand (she could've just not turned up, now that would've been rude),
she did ask how it had gone & said sorry for not coming, (one apology is enough imo)
and she is still chatting with you.

Original poster

PeachMelba78 · 03/05/2011 10:56

The blessing was not a christening, but in our place of worship - I don't want to say more so I am not outed. I will accept IABU to expect more, I just feel slighted and very sad that she made up an excuse to miss the day.

OP posts:

heliumballoons · 03/05/2011 10:57

Bluddy has a good point

Except she text Friday to say her relatives had turned up unexectedly. (which counds fishy tbh). So one would guess if that meant she couldn't make Sunday it stand to reason they would have been there Saturady aswell.

I'd be questioning whether the reles really just turned up for a few days? If mine did that they'd just be going again.

Original poster

PeachMelba78 · 03/05/2011 10:57

I haven't let it mar the day - we had a great time! It was more the casual way she dealt with it today TBH. I will just get on with my day!

OP posts:

heliumballoons · 03/05/2011 10:59

I'm glad you enjoyed your day despite this. I said that as I use to let it bother me when people I wanted at DS events didn't come - then MN taught me they don't care about pfb DS as much as I do.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 10:59

PeachMelba... Of course she was going to give you an excuse, she wouldn't just say that she didn't want to go - because she's your friend and she appreciated your invitation. Don't take it to heart. :)

Original poster

PeachMelba78 · 03/05/2011 11:02

I won't take it to heart, but I think I needed my 5 minutes of being pissed off!!

OP posts:

Jaspants · 03/05/2011 11:05

Agree with lying.

Whilst a blessing / party / christening is important to those immediately involved, it is less so to people on the periphery - she may have worried that she wouldn't know many people but felt to say "No I don't want to come" in reply to your kind invitation may have seemed rude.

frgr · 03/05/2011 11:05

I agree with Zikes:

"- she did tell you beforehand (she could've just not turned up, now that would've been rude),

she did ask how it had gone & said sorry for not coming, (one apology is enough imo)
and she is still chatting with you."

Just what more do you expect her to do - grovel on the floor whilst saying she's sorry again?

I always thought these things were more of a family/relatives kind of thing, maybe that's just the social circle I'm in, but if a work colleague invited my I'd consider not going in case it was uncomfortable. But only you will know your level of friendship outside of work/how comfortable she'd likely to be.

YABU.

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