To wonder should I change my life? If not could I regret it forever?

[slipperandpjsmum]

Or if I do change everything will I regret that forever?

I have a decent career. Very stressful, long hours but with good promotion structure and because its a large organisation with a high staff turnover plenty of opportunites. My commute is around 3 hours a day which I do find very tiring. Alot of my work is crisis driven and therefore I am not able to guarantee a flexibility in my hours.

I have just had almost two weeks off for Easter. I was chatting with my dd asking how her ballet classes were going (I have never taken her) and she said ok but she wished I could take her rather than her Gran. I replied oh but she loves to take you and watch to which she said I know but I really wish it was you Mummy I miss you so much that I feel like my heart will burst. Its making me cry to even type it.

I love my job but what am I doing making my dd feel like that.

I have considered childminding in the past as I know lots of Mums do and I keep thinking if I did then I could be there for my dc (have 4). Or is this an unrealistic pipedream.

Am I going to look back and for Gods sake what was I thinking!!

However, having worked full time it would be a dramatic lifestyle change but maybe it could be the best thing that I have ever done.

I feel very confused and lost and I would really value hearing about other people experiences. Has anyone else felt like this and done something about it?

Is there no chance of going p/t. My authority is begging people to consider it as it saves on redundancy.

What a tricky situation. Is there definitely no way of going part-time? Or getting a job much nearer home?

I agree, think very carefully about giving up your job in the current economic climate, and also the need to keep a toe in the water.

Also are you sure you would want to be a childminder? I can't imagine it's an "easy" option, and you still have your own to deal with too. How old are your DC? Are they still very young, or growing more independent?

Your children won't care about having less money, not in the long run.

My DH didn't earn much anyway (retail manager), and we've never been bothered about money.

but he's been off work since September due to a prolapsed disc. Stressful obviously, and having him at home has made us realise - even more than before - that time is more important to us than money. So we are trying to rearrange things so we get more time with the DCs.

Ragwort is talking a lot of sense, as is MrsCrafty.

I don't think it's the job that's the problem, it's your commute. 3 hrs a day is a massive amount of time.

Also - this is the 'back to work' day from hell - Easter holidays / 2 x 4 day weekends and now it's back to real life with a bump!

Can you look around and see if there's anything else you could envisage doing that might be slightly less hours / closer to home? Set yourself a time limit - say you'll stick with what you're currently doing until Sept, whilst considering other options, and see how you feel then?

FWIW, I think we set these situations up for ourselves to a certain extent by thinking that we have a choice. Full time working is the norm for most people, and I'm sure that many people wish they didn't have to, so to a certain extent, what you are feeling is completely normal!

I've heard this deathbed thing a lot - that you'll never wish you spent more time at the office.

I don't think that's entirely true. I gave up work 4 years ago to be a SAHM and I do regret it. If I died now I would regret never having a career. I have no balance to my life, frankly I feel that my time is worthless. And it's easy for husband and kids to start feeling that too - that mum has so much time she should do everything for them.

I would think very very carefully about giving up work completely.

I generally say 'go for it' when people want to take a risk and change their lives. I gave up a well-paid job/career to do a PhD and hopefully continue in academic research despite the low pay, and I think it's worth following your dreams sometimes, life is too short to be stuck in a job you hate and doesn't fulfill you.

But - that's not quite the scenario you're describing here. I would be careful of giving up your career if it's just because of your children. You don't say how old they are, or how long you have to go until retirement age (though who knows what age that will be for any of us now!), but bear in mind that before long they'll be teenagers or adults and moving on with their own lives. Not that they won't still need you to be their mum, but they won't need or want you hovering around them 24/7. And your dd might just be going through a bit of a clingy phase right now, not necessarily a reason to make such a life-changing (for you) decision.

And think about whether childminding is something you actually want to do. I can imagine it's a great job for people who are suited to that sort of work, but could be a nightmare for those who aren't!

I've also heard the death bed thing often and it makes sense. However it also needs to be balanced with the possibility of finding oneself at 65 or 70 with bugger all in the way of a pension, or pre-retirement and left in the lurch when one's dh/dp dies or the relationship breaks down.

Meanwhile the ones who've kept a hand in enjoy their retirements thanks to having reasonable pensions, or the newly single/widowed still have careers enabling them to keep their heads above water.

Thanks so much everyone for your replies and all the useful advice.

JsOtherHalf Your suggestion sounds interesting. I thought you had to be a foster carer to offer respite care in your own home? Could you tell me more??

I'd suggest going to see a career/life coach. They can help you establish what your priorities really are, and help you formulate a plan which will work for you and your personal situation. It can be pricey but money well spent if you're able to find more contentment in your life. V best of luck.