To think that nobody ever changes fundamentally?

[queenceleste]

I mean if you're born lazy, disorganised, messy, bad at future planning... it's very rare that you'd transform into the opposite isn't it?

Yes, very rare.
People change to a certain extent due to experience, maturity and life pressures, but these changes are not to the core. Deep inside I too believe that people remain the same throughout.

I did.

I used to be an aggressive, extremely volotile, lonely person amongst other things.

I'm not any of those things now.

What made a difference was to be with someone who made me feel secure and happy in myself.

I think I have changed a lot

What you have described are behaviours not fudamental traits. Of course you can change your behaviour depending on how much you want to. You can also work on your inner qualities and personality. If you think you cannot then you won't.

I have seen people change through my work. They never were the person they thought they were, they had been made that way by their upbringing. Also i don't think you can so easily put a label on someone else. You cannot say how you would behave or be if you lived someone elses life.

I think age and experience do change you. I've certainly become more self aware as i've aged, and have actively tried to change. I guess if you're inherently a "low energy" sort of person, you're never going to be a human dynamo, but I do think you can behave in a different manner as your world views change, and as you mix with and become influenced by different people.

I used to run around like a headless chicken, I'd never sit down, always doing something. For the past two years, I've been a PC potato nothing like I ever was before. So yes people do change.

Nobody is born lazy, disorganised, messy, bad at future planning. Your premise is wrong. People learn that behaviour for some reason and get habituated to it. But of course they can cahnge. If they want to.

I believe you can change. You still have a choice as to how to behave, even if you are born with or develop a certain personality. I'm working all the time to improve upon and change my defining characteristics as they have been inherently faulty and not doing me any good for many years.

I don't think - for eg, being lazy is a trait. I think that is more circumstantial behaviour, that has more to do with the people around you.

Having said that. Self-centered people rarely seem to change...

I hope I can still change fundamentally. It would depress me to think I couldn't. I would like to be very different to how I am

I agree that behaviour can change. Most of you are describing behaviour.
I used to be calm and patient, but my DCs have changed me into a complete stresshead!
But I believe that the personality and heart that we have inside remains basically the same throughout life.

Interesting posts thanks.
I agree that we can change and can't change.
I mean I'm now much happier than when I was younger, much much happier.
But I still find I have appalling organisational skills and cannot get on top of my home/life etc

I am literally prostrate on the floor by organised women. I have a shrine in my heart for them. I don't know how they have the energy and determination to have beautiful tidy functioning homes. Mine's ok but there is much chaos and too much clutter.... my sister chants flylady at me and I've tried but it's the consistency I always fall down at.

I'm trying to change. I have to believe I can, otherwise what's the point of even trying? The problem is that every time I have a set back I go back to my old ways and have to start again changing. It's very hard work. But hopefully after a while of changed behaviour, the changes will stick.

I think people can change. My father was a abusive alcoholic for most of my childhood (actually all ) but 10 years ago he stopped drinking which as a result stopped the violence and started having therapy and medication .

This meant my two youngest siblings had a much better childhood Than me and my mum stayed in the marriage but I cannot forgive or forget and have no relationship with my dad at all , but respect him for changing and making my mums life better.

I believe you can change completely if you really want to and you can see clearly what it is that you need to change. I have no doubt of this at all. I changed completely from the person I was 20 years ago.

I used to be late for everything and couldn't handle any stress, for example having to go the an appointment one day, work the next and maybe to a party the day after. I would feel overwhelmed and suffocated. Well now I've had children I can easily do all of those things in a morning as well as looking after my children and do them all on time.

So yes I think people do change. A lot of things are learnt.

i think having children often changes people. it made me into a better person anyway.