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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WANTED: Just ONE friend with a dp/dh who is not a complete tosser.

25 replies

superv1xen · 02/05/2011 18:10

i have been trying to organise a girls night out for this coming weekend and invited my 4 closest friends. but none of them can make it and in every case its all because of their twat dps.

friend #1 - can't come because her DH is a workshy waste of space who refuses to get a job so they live on benefits which he largely spends on himself. so she has no money to come out. (although her "d"h will be in newquay for a stag weekend this weekend while she sits at home, skint. ) he also HATES me as he knows i dislike him and has spent the last few months doing his best to destroy our friendship. (have posted re him before, the cockend.)

friend 2# - can't come as her dp will never have his own kids, he sees it as "babysitting" and he will get the arse if she goes out without him and leaves him with them. and one of them is SEN and she never gets a break. :( yet he regularly goes away on golf weekends with "the lads"

friend 3# - can't come as her dp is a jealous control freak who doesn't let her go out without him. despite the fact she has never gave him reason to distrust her yet he spent 3 months shagging a 16 YO behind her back. lovely chap.

friend 4# - can't come as her dp is a combination of #1 and 2#. ie another workshy arse so they have no money. and sees looking after his own kids while she has a life as unacceptable. he is also openly cheating with one of her mates. (current thread re him in relationships)

i would love all these friends to ditch their shitty excuses for "men" but its their relationships, their choice. they are my friends and i am there for them but i can't tell them what to do.

aibu for wishing i had at least ONE friend in a decent relationship? whats wrong with these tossers?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 02/05/2011 18:13

Your friends obviously have serious issues themselves for staying with these partners, maybe they feel it is the best they can do.

worraliberty · 02/05/2011 18:16

Do any of your friends work themselves?

WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 02/05/2011 18:16

Ooh am with you on this! ALL of my mates have weird DHs!

I don't have lots of friends...but it annoys me how many have defective DHs whom I won't can't invite round for a meal as a couple.

One is an agressive nutjob...the other is SO jealous that she's not allowed out and another is ALWAYS working or golfing.

Sad.

PersonalClown · 02/05/2011 18:19

I'm up for a night out!! DP lets me run my own life.

On a serious note.. I have nothing helpful to add I'm afraid.

Original poster

superv1xen · 02/05/2011 18:27

worra none of them work, no. #1 is pregnant and also has a 4 year old dd, before she got pregnant she wanted to work but her dh was not keen on it (probably as he would have to look after her dd) #2 is looking for a job but its hard for her as her dp works odd shifts and is also difficult re her sons SN. #3 has got 3 DC under 5. and #4 has health problems (diabetes and epilepsy) so has been signed off. why do you ask? do you think them not working has anything to do with it? not being sarcastic, genuinely interested?

whitebum i wonder if we have mutual friends? lol :) its awful isn't it because it would be nice to do things as couples (ie me dh and my dc and my friends and their partners and dc) but just impossible as their OHs are unbearable.

personal yes, me too! come out! haha :)

OP posts:

worraliberty · 02/05/2011 18:31

I asked with #1 friend in mind really.

friend #1 - can't come because her DH is a workshy waste of space who refuses to get a job so they live on benefits

I just wondered why she would rely on benefits too instead of working.

Giselle99 · 02/05/2011 18:37

Not being judgey, but signed off because of diabetes and epilepsy??

Original poster

superv1xen · 02/05/2011 18:40

i know, its sad really :( as before she had her DD she had a good job, then she split up with her dd's bio father when her dd was very small, ended up on benefits but then met her dh when her dd was a toddler and just never went back to the workplace. its a real shame as she is a very clever, well educated, articulate woman, and could have quite easily landed a decent job again. but she has been dragged down by this fuckwit i'm afraid.

OP posts:

Original poster

superv1xen · 02/05/2011 18:41

that was to worra

giselle yes she has been. i don't know the ins and outs of it as its not really my business, but apparently she is medically unable to work.

OP posts:

rainbowskittle · 02/05/2011 18:44

I have a lovely husband - I'll come.

Birdsgottafly · 02/05/2011 18:46

Giselle- peoples medical conditions affect them to different extents. Some will go blind and have to have limbs removed because of diabetes, others will not. Some will also die during an epiletic episode or be brain damaged, cannot work because of their meds etc. Why not let their doctor decide. My sister was regulary signed off from work (diabetic), couldn't claim benefits because when she did work her wages were to high (very good, highly qualified job). Put your judgy pants away.

Southcoastsarah · 02/05/2011 18:59

lorra none of them work, no.

foreverondiet · 02/05/2011 19:01

They might be your friends but why do these woman put up with this sort of behaviour - sound like martyrs/wimps to me - lots of things you have mentioned ring alarm bells and are unacceptible but refering specifically to:

a) viewing looking after ones own children as babysitting
b) spending benefits money (why does friend 1 not work herself you didn't mention children)
c) not letting other half go out on own

unsurevalentine · 02/05/2011 19:05

I can come and I'm a single mum and my other half is under the sea in a submarine so it's fine with him

fruitshootsandheaves · 02/05/2011 19:08

I can come too. My Dh will be drinking tea and looking at plane photos working hard, up to his armpits in oily plane parts. DD will throw a fit babysit

mamas12 · 02/05/2011 19:09

OMG sympathies op.
You really need to tell them how much going out with them means to you.
Can you set up 4 luch time 'dates' for a first forage into the world of going out on their own and leaving h to 'babysit'
Ring their houses up and talk to the other halves and book them through them both, send confirmation in writing so all can see the plans, then start on night times.

It is so wearing having friends with arswipes as partners.
But, having an arsewipe as an ex I understand their positions to some extent.

noodle69 · 02/05/2011 19:13

Yeah I know the feeling I have friends with men like this. I have definitely not got a man like this though and would never stand for it for 1 second. There boyfriends dont like me but its only cause they could never handle a girl like me cause they are idiots.

Original poster

superv1xen · 02/05/2011 19:16

"Their boyfriends dont like me but its only cause they could never handle a girl like me cause they are idiots"

exactly why these friends OH's don't like me. men can spot a girl who see's through bull shit and won't take shit off a man a mile away and they scare them shitless.

OP posts:

chrisonabike · 02/05/2011 19:17

I had friends like this. I tried to disentangle them from the ennui of their useless partners but they sort of... drifted away... :(

On a lighter note, my DP is a diamond and I'm gagging for a bottle glass of shiraz and a good old bitch.

Adversecamber · 02/05/2011 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumofaflump · 02/05/2011 20:55

I'll come out! Aside from an unfortunate Playstaion habit my DF is lovely. Actually the playstaion habit makes him more keen for me to go out as once DS is in bed he can play all he likes wihout me interrupting!

I do know what you mean though. I have friends I never see becaus of controlling/knob-jockey partners. Quite a few of them are actually guys who's girlfriends/wives don't trust them to have a female friend!

whackamole · 02/05/2011 21:51

I'll come out!

My OH is always trying to kick me out with some friends, I hardly ever seem to get to do it though.

heliumballoons · 02/05/2011 21:59

I'm single,

I'll come out.

no-one to stop me.

Original poster

superv1xen · 03/05/2011 10:07

well i am glad to hear lots of you on this thread have nice, normal relationships :)

OP posts:

babybarrister · 03/05/2011 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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