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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask brother & SIL if they got a gift I sent

23 replies

vvviola · 02/05/2011 14:59

Brother & SIL had a baby recently (different country from us) & I sent a gift box. It would have arrived a week ago. Baby was just over a week old when I arranged for it to be sent as I waited until Mum & baby were home from hospital before sending.

I've heard nothing from either brother or SIL - although the money has come out of my account. I know she's not overwhelmed by the new baby (her family are staying, she's already been out drinking twice and regularly posts on facebook to say she's relaxing by the pool while my DB/her family look after kids)

I'm genuinely not asking so that I can be thanked - but more for the sake of my own blood pressure. (Back story: couple of years ago when first baby was small, my Christmas present to them got delayed - as did everything I posted that day, some things by up to a month, bloody snow storms! - she posted a serious of vile messages about "some people" not understanding how important Christmas was to babies and not sending Christmas presents on time). I'm stressed and busy enough at the moment without adding random anger at my DB/SIL to the mix.

Would I be completely unreasonable to send either DB or SIL a quick email asking if they got the present (so that I can chase it if it didn't arrive yet)?

OP posts:

Wormshuffler · 02/05/2011 15:01

No that's not unreasonable.

squeakytoy · 02/05/2011 15:04

I would be tempted to put a message on facebook about appreciation and a thankyou from people when you send a gift is good manners.

VajazzHands · 02/05/2011 15:06

Yanbu and she sounds like a cow

VajazzHands · 02/05/2011 15:06

OH and babies couldn't give a fuck about xmas

Geocentric · 02/05/2011 15:14

Not unreasonable at all. You could always say you were just making sure "because of insurance"...

My pet hate is buying wedding presents on online registries and not always getting thanked - I always panic that the gift never made it (glitch in the online system type of nightmare).

bittersweetvictory · 02/05/2011 15:15

YANBU, and as far as christmas being important to babies in my experience they dont give a crap, in fact they prefer the wrapping paper, ask her if she got it, she sounds like a right bitch.

luckylavender · 02/05/2011 15:49

I sent my niece a cheque for £50 for her 18th a month ago - no thank you but cheque cashed before it was her birthday... So yesterday I sent her a PM on FB saying that I hoped she had had a nice time and that I see the cheque had been cashed and I just wanted to make sure it was her who cashed it...

CheshireDing · 02/05/2011 17:41

vvviola we had this too when we sent some M&S vouchers for a friends first baby. No thanks, kiss my ass, nothing! DD had to ask if they had received them to which the response was "oh yes but there was no name (don't believe this because we typed a card out". That aside if said to DH I would have put a note on fb to say whoever sent me the M&S vouchers thank you and could you let me know it was you.

Rudeness pisses me off and is it me or is it getting more common?

Original poster

vvviola · 02/05/2011 19:14

Ah, but squeakytoy that would be bringing myself down to her level. I'm not quite that petty yet

Cheshire they played that excuse with my parents already (in relation to flowers sent to the hospital), I made sure it wouldn't happen with my gift... :)

Good to know I wouldn't be totally unreasonable to ask if they got it. I'll probably hang on another day or two (my role as family peacemaker/go between/patient person is hard to get away from!) and then send an email to DB (not sure I'd manage not to be snarky if I emailed SIL)

writes note to self to make sure I have bought thank you cards before this baby comes along & to send quick email/texts on opening of gifts...

OP posts:

saffy85 · 02/05/2011 19:19

YANBU to check they got the gift "just incase it's been delayed".

Your SIL sounds like a prat and like VajazzHands said, babies don't give a flying fuck about christmas so there was no need for such a passive agressive message.

PicaK · 03/05/2011 09:16

It depends.

Baby is 2 weeks old - not many people I know had got round to writing thank you letters within a week of receiving it.

Your sil DESERVES to be taking it easy - she has just given birth - you make her sound like a lazy hedonistic cow.

She was completely out of order with her Xmas present comments but you have to be bigger than that.

It shouldn't be a big deal to just ring your brother, see how they are and ask. Avoid email.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 09:21

I would ring my brother, in this case. I'd also make it clear that they were very rude not to even acknowledge the gift. It really is rude.. and unfortunately, all too common.

kaid100 · 03/05/2011 09:34

When a baby has just arrived there is so much going on it's easy for something like acknowledging a gift to be forgotten. If you go in all guns blazing about a gift to a couple with far more important things happening in their lives, you won't be thanked for it. Instead, why not phone asking about the baby in general, and after a little while ask if a gift box arrived from you?

FabbyChic · 03/05/2011 09:36

Baby is two weeks old, 24 hours after I gave birth I was driving and back on my feet.

Giving birth is not an illness.

Manners cost nothing.

eMail and say you sent them something did they receive it as you had things go missing that you have sent and want to make sure they got it.

Original poster

vvviola · 03/05/2011 09:43

I've spoken to them on the phone a few times since baby was born (time differences make it tricky - and there's a few other family issues that means that a couple of times they've refused to speak because other people were there). But most of our communication is electronically anyway - email/facebook etc (combination of their choice and the bloody time difference)

PicaK I agree completely that she should be taking things easy, and I'm delighted for her that she has lots of help. I'm also not expecting a thank you letter this early (or, to be honest, at all - they are family after all). I suppose after the Christmas issue, their own habit of emailing/texting constantly asking if something has arrived after they sent it - and making it the first thing they ask when they call, I'm a little sensitive to the fact that with all their facebook updates they couldn't make the time just to say "box arrived, thanks".

Ah, maybe I should just let it go. I suspect it will be the way things go from now on (DH reminded me yesterday evening that we didn't get acknowledgement that the Christmas gift we sent this year arrived either). I should probably just concentrate on being the bigger person and not letting it get to me.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 09:47

I'd stop sending gifts, OP, you obviously can't be sure that they got there at all... so rude of them.

zikes · 03/05/2011 10:06

Just FB/email/text them to ask 'did the box from us arrive ok?'

sausagesandmarmelade · 03/05/2011 10:08

Am a bit surprised that you felt you needed to ask this...

Course it's ok to contact them to ask if it was received. Why should that be a problem.

If it has...and they haven't bothered to let you know then I wouldn't bother to send them anything else.

kittyk1 · 03/05/2011 20:25

Yabvu. Give your sil a break, she only had the baby a short time ago and not many people I know would have been able to write thank you letters in this time. If she's getting a chance to chill out a bit whilst others take the baby then you should be pleased for her (I doubt she's getting much time!) stop trying to create a situation out of nothing. I'd be wary of reading into anything on FB anyway, you are probably being oversensitive about the Xmas presents. Give them a break and stop being oversensitive and creating issues out of nothing.

KD0706 · 03/05/2011 20:30

But kitty the OP isn't saying she expects a thank you note, just that in one of their e-mail/facebook communications they would have briefly commented 'box arrived, thanks' or something to that effect.

I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

MooMooFarm · 03/05/2011 20:35

Facebook is the work of the devil IMO. Messages posted can be taken in so many different ways - I know people who have conducted long drawn out arguments through facebook and it really is sad, kind of like texts but worse I think, because it's so much easier to be aggressive in type than in person or on the phone. Anyway, I digress!

YANBU to want to know if the present arrived ok, so I would ask - preferably by speaking to them!

kittyk1 · 03/05/2011 20:36

There haven't been any email communications as far as I can see, just a couple of general posts on FB. Just seems an odd thing to get worked up about after 2 weeks and a lot of vitriol about someone who has just had a baby.

Original poster

vvviola · 03/05/2011 22:01

kittyk1 there have been quite a few email conversations and commenting on various facebook status things since the baby was born. And as I said before, I wasn't expecting a letter/note, just an email/fb message while he/she happens to be on.

And there was certainly no vitriol from me. Their previous attitude to presents has irritated me, but the main reason for wanting to ask was to make sure it actually arrived - I used a company I haven't used before.

The reason I posted on here about it was because I was wondering if I should just wait - after all I do know that, no matter how much help she has, she has just had a baby.

I've decided to leave it for the moment anyway. If we manage to speak over the weekend, I'll see if they bring it up or not and go from there.

OP posts:

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