DH says 'I'm too reasonable, and I can't be supermum'?

[jallsort80]

BACKGROUND: Met DH 3 1/2 years ago. He has 2 DS' 4 & 8. He and Dex-W split when she was PG with their DS2.
I have 1DS aged 9. We both have newborn IT 3 weeks (they are also boys!)

DH and I lived in a 3 bed (it was mine) and had the double, DS had the smaller room (still double size) and DSS' had the other double with bunks. They used to come Sat am until Sun pm as per divorce agreement and CSA payments. They would stay extra as well and are lovely boys.

Roll on last year I discover I'm PG then we find out its twins.

We bought a bigger property (4 bed) with a loft conversion that wasn't a room (something to do with planning?) which we got plans for and is now mine and DH bedroom. Its ensuite with dressing room as DH says I need some female space.

That leaves the 4 bedrooms on the first floor. One is a large double with ensuite, 2 good sized doubles, and a single. (not box but fairly small) DS has the double/ensuite and DSS have another room each.

ATM twins are in with us (have a cotside on bed and they both fit as tiny and I'm EBF).

DSS' now stay with us Friday after school until they are taken to school Monday morning. DS and DSS attend the same primary. They have things at ours so don't need to bring anything and uniform is washed to start Monday.
Also DSS' come during school holidays for a few days/ sometimes a week if longer holidays - and want to more now they have new brothers.

Now heres the bit DH and I can't agree on. We plan to move the twins to their own room at 6 months. They will share. The 2 oldest boys have offered to share but DH thinks my DS should have his own room as he lives here permantly. I say his DSS' have the same rights.

So my suggestions are: DS and DSS1 have large ensuite, twins one double and DSS2 the other (smaller) double. The small room becomes childrens den with tv/ consoles.

DH thinks the twins should share a double, his DSS' a double and DS has the double/ensuite largest room to himself.

DS' agree with me and DSS2 thinks the fact he gets his own room is great . The fact DS and DSS1 are similar age means they like lego etc and DSS1 does get frustrated sharing with his brother (4) as they don't really play with the same toys. (have their own rooms at their mums)

DH thinks I'm just trying to be supermum - that I'm trying to please everybody and is worried my DS will feel resentful in the future that he didn't get his own space in his resident house and hid DSB did.

I know DH is concerned about how much DSS2 gets away with at his mums - he thinks he's spoilt and DSS1 gets a rough ride and thinks maybe its because him and Dex-W split whilst she was PG with him. I think he is worried DSS2 will thinks he's more important because he doesn't have too share and stop annoying his brother.

AIBU - or does my arrangement seem OK?

If the older two like to share maybe a fold out bed or mini sofa bed (the foam type that fold up into a small chair) would be an idea, that way they get their own rooms and space when they want it but can go an sleep in each others rooms when they want a sleep over? And would be ha dy for when they have friends over too

Thanks jojane DH has suggested the older 2 get high sleepers with the desk and sofa/futon thingy underneath. They both start secondary in 2 years and as we are doing lots of building etc now it would make sense to get furniture that would last them for many years. So yes they could share if and when they wanted.

DH owns a property/ building company (he has a partner as they joined iyswim?) so thats why he is obsessed able to do so much work around the house, and at reasonable prices. The building side of it have builders who can make modular furniture type rooms so the boys have been looking at his catalogue and designing their own bedrooms - it has kept them lovely and quiet. DH has promised to sit down and redo the designs make suggestions on Saturday.

schmee thanks
I'm not really, its just so far our situation has been amacible and I want to keep it that way. My DS dad is not on the scene and hasn't been since DS was 2 (his doing). Because of this DH is the only father figure DS has really known and DH does a lot for him and with him. My DSS' share their daddy graciously with DS and so I want them to feel this home is as much theres as ours.

I did scare the 3 boys when I told them they would be responsible for keeping their bathroom clean because they think I'm joking.

My Ds and DSS dress the same too! They are 18 months apart and are always moaning at me because they both want to wear red T-shirts (for example) but one of them is in the wash.......blah blah blah. Off topic, sorry!

I do think flexible and open minded is the way to go - we used to have the girls sharing at first which the oldest LOVED when the younger one was a baby but hated when she became an inquisitive toddler who could climb. Make up-gate (nuff said!!!!) was what finally prompted us to make some changes!

zest01 It is funny isn't it - the matching clothes. DS and DSS1 are only 7 months apart. DSS2 is just starting to get interested in what he's wearing so I can see this becoming interesting.

DH took all the boys out today, DS and DSS1 had red t-shirts on and DSS2 a blue one. All had (different!) blue shorts on. The DTDS' were then dressed in their 'uniform' of red for one and blue the other. I did joke to DH the villagers will think sleep deprivation is getting to me.

I agree flexible keeps everyone happy but DH has decided to replan the whole first floor now. I'm not sure how deciding if DS and DSS1 should share or both DSS' has completely changed in one day. (we have been discussing this for 2 weeks now with no decision!) Part of me thinks DH couldn't wait to do more building since he finished the loft - there is just no containing him.