Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to think our neighbours are out of line?

25 replies

mampam · 02/05/2011 00:36

Where do I start? We've privately rented our house for what will be 3 years in July. We live in a semi-detached house and our immediate neighbours say that they have never lived next to such 'perfect' neighbours and that we are like 'church mice', even though we have 3 children.

The problem is our other neighbours, who we share a drive with. Their house is their holiday home and they occupy it for a couple of months in the summer. Everytime they come to stay they seem to have a problem with us, and it has got so petty that I think they actually have a problem with 'us' rather than things that we do.

This is the latest problem: we share a drive with them which leads down to our garages. We have always had an arrangement with them (they set the terms and we agreed) that as we have 2 cars we park on the drive and they park on the road, which has suited them as it seems for the last 3 years but now once a week on a Tuesday DH has to bring his mini-digger home (actually it's a micro-digger). It's on the drive on a trailor from approx. 6.30pm - 8.30am the following day at the latest.

This seems to have caused the latest problem and they are saying that it is damaging the drive (even though it is lighter than my car which is a Skoda Fabia!). Can I just add that they do not use the drive and they cannot park their car on it as it is quite a slope and as they have an estate car it scrapes on the top of the drive so it is easier not to use it.

Over the last 3 years we have put up with alot from them. To name but a few they have scattered bread crumbs on our newly planted veg patch knowing the pigeons would swoop down and eat everything,their guests dog has shat on our door step. Their grandchildren had an Easter egg hunt last year at 6am in the morning up and down the 'shared drive' even though they knew I was heavily pregnant.

Can I also just add the neighbours complain about everything to our landlord too. Our overflow pipe was leaking so they made a special trip into the local town to our landlords office to tell him which resulted in the same consequence as if they had knocked on our door to let us know - my hubby had to go into the attic and filddle with the ballcock.

Anyway I could bore you for days with all the crap that they have done...
AIBU or should we fight fire with fire like DH thinks we should????

OP posts:

Tortington · 02/05/2011 00:39

oh yes - be careful - be cunning - but if they want shit neighbours - i'd be shit neighbours.

Original poster

mampam · 02/05/2011 00:44

That's what DH thinks too Custardo!!!!

OP posts:

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 02/05/2011 01:16

I always love Custardo's advice.

Tortington · 02/05/2011 03:01

and allt he time they are away fromt he property to think about. it depends how far you want to take it doesn't it - but if they were superbly shitty - i think i would bleach their flowers.

manicinsomniac · 02/05/2011 03:24

I would claim the moral high ground and just try to ignore them. It's only a couple of months a year.

They do sound like a pain in the arse though

flyingspaghettimonster · 02/05/2011 05:37

I don't understand this one... Usually if someone complains about a neighbor it is for real big issues; but these people are a) rarely there b) let you have full use of the shared drive c) once had their grandkids up early playing on their drive and once fed the birds without thinking about your seeds... They don't sound bad at all to me! The dog poo was their guest and not them. I think yabu and over analyzing. They have a right to be concerned if they think the shared drive is being over taxed by the number of vehicles because it is them who would share costs to repair - equally with the landlords and the leak, they are protecting their property value from damage. I think there are a lot worse neighbors out there and would gladly swap for ours... Who came round to complain when I was hovering at midday on a Saturday because it was too much noise, and who wrote a letter telling us they were 'seething' when we dared paint a shared wall because they could hear the rollers... Sadly we cannot easily change our neighbors, so it is best to try to keep things civil and relax a bit. No sense 'seething' or you just give yourself ulcers :)

nijinsky · 02/05/2011 14:40

I'm really sorry but from what you have written they sound really quite reasonable and the incidents you describe are petty and not ones which would cause a neighbour dispute normally. They are generous in letting you park on the shared drive, the dog poo incident is really very petty to recall. The breadcrumbs thing sounds bizarre and exaggerated, the playing children doesn't sound unreasonable at all, and you should have noticed the leaking downpipe yourselves and reported it to your landlord yourselves. I actually feel quite sorry for them!

bittersweetvictory · 02/05/2011 15:33

My neighbours on one side are pretty shit, they are always out arguing and swearing in the garden and being a PITA so i collect all the seeds from dandylions and scatter them over their grass and flowerbeds, i also collect all the snails from my garden and fling them over the fence, immmature i know but who gives a crap, revenge is mine mwahahahah.

Pancakeflipper · 02/05/2011 15:42

I don't really think them as the neighbours from hell. Letting you have majority use of the drive is decent. They didnt shit on your step, someone else's dog did.. Etc etc....

Are you sure it's not you bristling when they are there just cos you are used to them not being there very often?

LaWeaselIsOupaLaDouffe · 02/05/2011 15:45

I don't think they sound that bad.

ChateauRouge · 02/05/2011 15:56

Hey- congrats to LaWeasel!

Reality · 02/05/2011 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaWeaselIsOupaLaDouffe · 02/05/2011 15:58

Thank you!

SauvignonBlanche · 02/05/2011 16:00

Sounds pretty low-level to me.

pooka · 02/05/2011 16:01

I think previous poster has hit the nail on the head. They're not there very often so when they are their presence seems larger than life/more irritating than if they were there all the time. You get used to silence and peace and quiet from next door, and have too much time to obsess about minor irritations.

elmofan · 02/05/2011 16:19

They sound like angels compared to my neighbours . If you only have to put up with them for two months a year is it really worth getting into petty disputes with them ? Where would that end ?

Selks · 02/05/2011 16:28

I wouldn't retaliate. However tempting that may feel initially, it may leave you feeling worse as the difficulties would probably just escalate.
I'd take the moral high ground. When they are next there, bake a nice cake and take it next door with a big smile, saying that it's not always easy being neighbours and although you've had you're differences you're sure that like you they'd prefer to get on and here's a nice cake. They may be taken aback and respond positively - good - or even if they shut the door in your face you can enjoy your cake back at home with a nice cup of tea knowing that you are the moral victors and they are the petty, mean-minded ones.

Original poster

mampam · 03/05/2011 14:43

To be honest I was so angry the other night when I posted this thread that I missed half of it out like them and their next door neighbours deliberately sandwiching my car inbetween theirs so I can't move it (when I'm not parked on the drive but out on the road) , them parking across the top of the drive so that nobody can get up or down it and the list goes on. You guys don't live here and it's very hard to explain the full extent and impact of what it is like to live here.

Just to add, they've thrown their crusts onto our vegetable patch (on more than one occasion and not just breadcrumbs) how can I exaggerate that?

OP posts:

nijinsky · 03/05/2011 15:03

Um, perhaps they park like that because theres no other room? What do you do in pay and display parking spaces when someone parks next to you?

Crusts thrown on the vegetable patch? Really? I don't think you can exaggerate that tbh.

Maybe you need to get out a bit more?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 03/05/2011 15:08

get some sort of netting for your veg patch?

Be pleased they are only there for a couple of months a year.

Go over and ask them if they have a problem with you.

Is their house empty the rest of the year or do they let it out?

You could always try to be friendly and go over and ask them if everything is ok because you've noticed a certain tension and perhaps offer to keep an eye on the house while they're not there since it's empty most of the year.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 03/05/2011 15:09

oh - no no no - don't do that.

I've just realised that could sound like a threat!

I meant try to be friendly.

Not "be nice to us cos your house is empty most of the year..."

Bramshott · 03/05/2011 15:11

Look, everyone does irritating things sometimes, and you don't get to choose your neighbours, you just have to get along with them.

Unless they are actively victimising you (and nothing you've posted here sounds like you have), then going in all guns blazing will just escalate the situation IMHO.

Can't you just settle for being midly irritated by them for a couple of months each summer?

gawdblimey · 03/05/2011 15:13

what does heavily pregnant have to do with the kids having a treasure hunt? I really dont get the "Im pregnant so Im fragile/precious/a princess" attitude

cjel · 03/05/2011 15:35

I think even the second posting you made to let us know how bad they are doesn't, How do you know they do these things deliberately? Sounds just like things that happen if you don't live isolated to me, as for you parking micro digger on trailer on their drive and then not like it because they complained - what should they do let you wreck their property because they don't use it much? They might have thought they were being helpful getting landlord to check the leak rather than bothering you? I also don't see much wrong with excited children being allowed treasure hunt when they get up at easter . Hope your baby never wakes early to disturb anyone.You hardly have to have contact with them so chill or move!!xxxx

coccyx · 03/05/2011 16:27

Think you are used to no one being there for majority of the year and get a bit over sensitive when they are there

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread