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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that I shouldn't be chasing for rsvps?

15 replies

ladyjennifer · 01/05/2011 12:39

Settle an argument please mnetters. I've arranged a party for next weekend and need to let the caterers know on Wednesday how many people will be attending.

I sent out invitations to more than 100 people more than a month ago - a mixture of posted invitations and phone calls followed by email asking people to rsvp by yesterday so that we could tell the caterers how many would be there.

Lots of people have responded, and there are enough people coming to make it a jolly occasion, but still no word either way from about 30 people.

Dh thinks I should phone around those who haven't responded, I reckon the ball's in their court and I should just assume they're not coming - aibu?

OP posts:

femalevictormeldrew · 01/05/2011 12:45

If you assume they are not coming you could end up short food. I spent several days before my wedding trying to chase up people who couldn't be bothered their arses letting me know whether they were going or not. So I know how you feel.

GreatBallsOfFluff · 01/05/2011 12:48

It is so rude when people don't RSVP. I would add about half of those who haven't replied as 'coming' so those that do just turn up are ok. Well that's if you don't want to chase anyway.

But YANBU and you shouldn't have to chase

gillybean2 · 01/05/2011 12:49

It's very rude imo but some people just can't be assed don't have the manners to realise what a pain it is. Even if they weren't sure they should still contact you to let you know they hope to but it is dependant on babysitter/work rota/other excuse.

I don't think you can assume they won't be coming. But I think you can safely email saying you haven't heard and you do need to speak to teh caterers on wed morning so if you don't hear from them by tues evening you will assume they're not coming for catering purposes.

bemybebe · 01/05/2011 12:51

YANBU for feeling cross, after all it is v v v impolite to fail to rsvp in time.

That said, you have to chase them if you do not want to have nightmare of the day (or do you intend to send non-rsvped people away if they turn up on the day??)

CheshireDing · 01/05/2011 12:55

gilly has a good idea, tough if they do not reply after the email as well.

You could also do what I saw a Bride do on the Bridezilla programme, she booked a security guard for her wedding reception and said if people who have not rsvp'd turn up he could let them in but they couldn't eat - which I found hilarious!

celticlassie · 01/05/2011 12:58

It's tricky. It's very rude not to but I know I'm a hideously disorganised person who always intends to RSVP on time but rarely gets round to it. Can you send a text?

xstitch · 01/05/2011 13:06

You shouldn't have to chase them but I would be worried about paying for too much food or ending up with not enough. It is very rude of them tbh. 24 haven't replied to my wedding which considering only 40 were invited I am very annoyed. I am so tempted to not feed them if they turn up.

cheshire I am sure I saw something like that on 4 weddings USA those who hadn't RSVPed were asked to wait outside while the rest ate. I was highly amused :).

skybluepearl · 01/05/2011 14:18

agree maybe send out an email asking people to let you know by tuesday if they are coming as you need to let caterers know numbers by then. will assume they are not coming if you don't hear from them. x

xstitch · 01/05/2011 14:22

I would add to the e-mail that due to needing to let the caterers know anyone not RSVPing by then won't be fed. I am in an evil mood today though.

crystalglasses · 01/05/2011 14:28

Unless it has happened to you, you don't know how annoying this can be. I th ink you will have to ring around or email, saying you need to know whether or not they are coming because of the catering arrangements. If anyone still says they're not sure, just say could they let you know by x date otheerwise you will have to assume they aren't coming and you will ask someone else in their place. This is not the op being rude; it is the invitee who is being rude.

thumbwitch · 01/05/2011 14:32

I'd email around as well - and text - and say the same as above: need to let caterers know by Weds, if haven't heard by late Tues, will assume you are not coming and will not cater for you.
Then if they turn up, there won't be any food for them and serve 'em right for being so rude.

Have a separate compound for any non-responders who turn up - maybe with a couple of loaves of bread and some marg and cheese slices - they can make their own sarnies then.

forehead · 01/05/2011 14:51

I sympathise with you OP, and the worse thing is that these people will turn up and expect to be fed fgs.

SlightlyScrambled · 01/05/2011 14:57

What about sending them a text saying " sorry you can't make it..." and that might prompt them to correct you.

Asking them to RSVP again, ime if they've already ignored the last few Rsvp pleas, they will just put another request with the others.

zipzap · 01/05/2011 15:41

Is anyone likely to have RSVPed bf post? Have you seen any of those MN threads/newspaper articles where people sent out 200 invites etc by post and only 40 get delivered? Seems to be quite common.

Could you use bad post as an excuse to get in touch with people to check they got their invite and find out if they are coming? Yes it is a pain and no you shouldn't have to but an hour spent ringing people this evening and speaking to them directly you will shame them for not doing it sooner and make them grateful that another task is now ticked off their to do list.

Or even better get your dp to do it whilst you are MNing doing something really important...

Original poster

ladyjennifer · 01/05/2011 15:53

Thanks for all the replies. I'd be very annoyed if it was something as formal as a wedding - shockingly bad manners not to rsvp then.

I am, reluctantly, going to chase up people for the reason a number of people have given here, thanks - too much, or too little food ordered and paid for.

I made it clear on the emails we needed to know in order to inform the caterers. Dh can help me with the chasing though!

As far as I know, the written invitations have arrived - a number of people who received them in the post have responded. The real pita is chasing up the ones I don't have an email address or mobile number for.

OP posts:

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