to think that boys and girls aren't that different really, it's just our perception

[blindmelon]

This struck me over the bank holidays, watching family reactions to my DD and DNephew, who are a similar age (3 and 2.5). For example:

DD runs about like a loon, jumping on and off the trampoline, doing roly-polys etc. Comments: 'Ooh she's so flexible! You should send her to gymnastics/ballet'

DN does the same: 'Ahh, boys are so physical aren't they? So rough and tumbe. He's a real boy!'

DD lets my niece dress her up in a fairy outfit: 'Ahh, little girls love dressing up don't they? Ahh, she's so pretty'

DN puts his big sister's pink shoes on: 'haha, poor thing having a big sister, he's just copying what she does'

DD has a bit of a strop: 'Ooh, she's a bit of a diva isn't she? What will she be like as a teenager? Haha'

DN has a bit of a strop: 'little boys are so agressive aren't they?'

In actual fact they are both just being toddlers, surely? I'm so sick of all the gender stereotyping I hear... boys love their mummies, girls love pink, boys are aggressive, girls love their daddies. They are all just kids with different personalities.

YANBU my two are very different but I suspect that two boys or two girls could be very different.

I don't know, I don't have a son but my SIL (brother's wife) who has two girls then a boy says that the boy is totally different. She said it was fascinating to watch how he played with the exact same toys that they girls had played with at the same age but used them completely differently, from a very young age, turning things into 'cars' that weren't cars at all. MIL says that DH was the same, he'd sit in his highchair and zoom his cup etc round like a car.

YANBU. People make very stupid comments about children's behaviour. All children love dressing up, boy or girl, and doing roly polys etc.

It's when they get older, 6/7/8, the gender differences really begin to show.

I disagree. Saying that as custodian owner of a Rough n Tumble girl (climbed trees in her best dresses, enjoys a good wallow in the mud even now, flips boys over using Judo moves when nobody is looking) & a soft boy (almost 7yo) who collects Yoohoos. But still very very innate gender differences.

You're right, they really aren't that different at all.

hmm, maybe it is more apparent once they get older. I have 2 DDs and even at this age (3 and 10 months) they are very different. But it's down to their different personalities.

DD1 is very adventurous, loves climbing, running around, anything physical. DH is also very sporty (I am a couch potato and I have a feeling DD2 is also that way inclined ). It really annoys me when people suggest DH 'needs' a son to play football with etc. He doesn't need a son, he has DD1 to do all that with!

But I guess if DD1 had been a boy I might be the one saying 'boys and girls are very different'.

I have a DS (4) and DD (2). They play differently even with the same toys. At age 2, when you gave DS a toy buggy he would put things in it and take them places. His favourite things were his toy trucks. So he'd put the toy trucks in the buggy and take them to the front room. Then he'd bring them back. It was all about the transporting. DD puts soft toys in the buggy. She talks to them about where they are going to go (e.g. the park). She takes them to the front room and pretends to be in the park. Then brings them back - talking to them the whole time. For her, it is much more a social thing

So although they look like they are doing the same thing - transporting toys in a buggy - they do it in a very different way and for very different reasons. I have examples like this for lots of different toys including train tracks, dolls house, doctors set, shredded paper etc.

I'm not sure what I'm really saying because I do agree with you to some extent but I have seen massive differences in my own children. Whether it is to do with gender or just their own personalities I can't tell. I just try to give my children equal opportunities and let them get on with it in their own way.

There is a spectrum of behaviour from masculine to feminine. Most boys will be towards the masculine end, most girls will be toward the feminine end. Some girls will be completely at the masculine end and vice versa.

I agree with the OP though in that peoples interpretations of children's behaviour often reflects the commenters views, not the child's personality.

YANBU and I've been saying this to my inlaws for the last 2 weeks! MIL wont start knitting before she knows what gender the baby is. FFS! They DID buy a pink singing rabbit which attracted more attention from the one year old boy cousin that the one year old girl cousin. It's total bollocks.

I agree. Much of the difference is learned behaviour from adult role models.

I strongly believe though that after puberty when the differing hormones kick in, that generally males and females are significantly different. Hormones affect behaviour.

I work with children and dont think girls and boys are that different. It depends a lot more on personality in my experience.

no, no, i am pretty sure they are different, ds seems too have some dangly bits in his nappy, dd definately doesn't...

the comments you listed would irritate me immensely, they were just being toddlers.

youre forgetting the testosterone factor boys have! it peaks at 4 i think and then again later one when they are older.

i used to think it was all learnt behaviour but now I've had my own I see that only a certain amount is learnt behaviour.

I have a son and a daughter and I find that they're not all that different.

I've noticed that some people seem to be incapable of observing and commenting upon the behaviour of young children without trying to place it in a gender framework, like the examples you gave above, blindmelon. Why is this I wonder?

I agree with the op.

I disagree with those who are arguing that their dd is not like their ds/ds is different from both their dds - all that could very, very easily be down to personal differences/preferences.

I agree with OP, this drives me mad. I also find it quite hard to buy gender neutral toys and things that aren't coloured to appeal to either a boy or a girl.

I really just want nice bright coloured stuff, not puky pink or mud-coloured stuff.

No difference under 1yo, Not much difference under 2yo, masses of difference after that.
DD & DS3 have similar personalities, but still clearcut boy-girl differences. DD was NEVER so bothered about tractors & diggers .

Meh, just buy whatever colour you fancy on the day, Seabright.

YABU You are basing your opinion on your vast experience of 2 three YO children.Come back in 15 years.

yanbu.

not the same, but it has cracked me up immensely that since 18 mo ds2's hair has been a little bit long and curly I have had frequent comments from strangers on what a pretty girl she is and how you can see from her fine features that she's a girl. We've cut his hair tonight and I can guarantee you that there will be no more of these comments.

oh and OP, if you haven't read Delusions of Gender you must, you will love it.

Yanbu at all.

I think most gender differences are learned.

Drives me potty. Typical woman, eh?

mine are different but then again I'm only using a sample of three! the boys are much much much more physical - they are incredibly fit and never ever stopped as toddlers. the girl goes off on her own to play imaginary games by herself in her room or gets the jigsaws out by herself. the boys literally don't understand how to play games with playmobil etc - they line them up and arrange them then complain they are boring cos that's all you can do with them. dd otoh loves her playmobil figures