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to tell dh not to speak to dd in a certain tone, and that he should teach my example

17 replies

carriedababi · 01/05/2011 10:38

ok so dh isn;t great with manners, he forgets his p's and q's quite often.

which does annoy me

he doesn't set a good example to dd

we were at my mum and dads the otehr day and i handed him a drink,and said here you are, he didn't even say thankyou

last night while i was in the kitchen he asked for a drink please, so i bought on through
he didn't say thankyou
when i said don't forget to say thanks, he said i sadi please, as if that was all he needed to say

i always get dd to say please ajnd thankyou and often when shes remebers by herself i praise her for nice manner to encourage her etc

then yesterdy dd was staying at mil the night and dh said to her in a really bossy little bit unpleasent tone, "and don't forget your manners you, your not very good at remembering your manners"

and i thought ffs, you don;t set her a good example, you don';t praise her is she remembers by herself

i wanted to say something to him, but didn';t want to kick a row off

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WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 01/05/2011 10:46

Well have you talked to him about it? Without DD present? THat's the only way DH was the same really A lot of adults hav forgotten basic manners and you're right to push them...they really garner kids a head start in life.


marmaladetwatkins · 01/05/2011 10:46

YANBU. My DH is the same, never says "pardon" but "whaaa?" instead then moans at DS for doing the same Hmm


carriedababi · 01/05/2011 10:50

yes your right, i'll try and talk to him about it tonight when dds in bed

it just pissed me right off the way he spoke to her, the tone and they way he did it

esp when he doesn't use good manners himself

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kickingking · 01/05/2011 10:50

My husband is the same. Personally, I am not massively fussed about pleases and thank yous from my child to me - if he says 'can I have a drink, mummy?' I think that's fine if it's said in a polite, pleasant tone of voice. DH on the the other hand is constantly barking at him to say please and thank you, when he (DH) never says it.

The other day he said 'why does DS order you around without saying please or thank you?' Um, well...could it be because that's what you do to me?


carriedababi · 01/05/2011 10:52

it seemed as if he way of teaching her was not modeling good behaviour himself then actually having a go at dd.
when her manners are far greater than his

i mean when we ere at my mum and dads and i gave him a drink and said here you go and he doesn't even say thanks
its embarssing

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worraliberty · 01/05/2011 10:53

Oh bad manners is my pet peeve lol.

No-one gets anything from me without a please and a thank you.


carriedababi · 01/05/2011 10:54

yes you are all right, im going ot talk to him about it tonight.

bet he will like that, not!

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Southcoastsarah · 01/05/2011 10:54

you sound like your are his mother, not his wife :(

by all means try and instill manners in your kid, but not your blimmin husband


Onetoomanycornettos · 01/05/2011 10:57

Even worse, my husband is from a culture in which they don't say 'please' (they do say 'thank you') so it's just not ingrained for him although years of training with me has changed this. I think you just have to reinforce your own standards, I've found it took much longer than I expected for the children to automatically say 'please' and 'thank you' (as opposed to doing it if I looked at them, or nudged them to do it, or occasionally) they are about five and seven and it's only just become really automatic in all situations. Have a word with him about his own manners, but even though what he said was a bit annoying, I think you have to leave him to parent as he sees fit.

I would hate it if I was telling the children off for being stroppy (which I do) and my husband reminded me I am quite stroppy (which is true!)


carriedababi · 01/05/2011 10:57

well what bothered me the most was they way he had a go at dd, difficult to explain on here but it was his bossy bollocking tone

and its difficult to teach my dd well, if her dad doesn't use basic manners

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linziluv · 01/05/2011 10:57

Same as DP rarely says please and thank you but that's not what bothers me...he'll say "you making a brew then?" in a bossy tone that really riles me! It's defo more about the tone than the actual words.
He tries to make DS say please/thanks but it annoys me coz he never does it himself!


Onetoomanycornettos · 01/05/2011 11:01

Carrie, I think the bossy bollocking tone is where you should focus, not really the manners. All you can do is raise your eyebrows if he doesn't say please or thank you, as Sarah says, you are not his mother and shouldn't try to teach him manners at this late stage of his life. If you don't like the way he speaks to your daughter, that's a different issue, but unless she is extremely distressed by it or you can say something very diplomatically, I think butting out of the other parents parenting is usually the way to go. I don't always use the perfect tone with my children but I wouldn't want someone picking me up on it all the time (an odd remark if I had been truly out of line would be fine for me).


carriedababi · 01/05/2011 11:02

yes alot of it is in the tone and the do as i tell you not what i do attitude that riles

and the fact he basically almost gave her a bollocking over it just before she went to mils house

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squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 11:03

My husband can be like this, and it irritates me so much. He has got better over the years and just a look from me now works! I have shown him up in public though to get to this point by treating him like a child. For instance, in a restaurant and ordered something and not said please I will add it on for him. (passive aggressive? dont care!)...


FabbyChic · 01/05/2011 11:07

By example is saying please and thank you to your own children when asking them to do things, I done this with my children from when they were very young, they have impeccable manners.


carriedababi · 01/05/2011 11:08

lol squeaky toy.

yes i've ended up doing that before.

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carriedababi · 01/05/2011 11:10

i do say my p and qs to my dd, and i always speak to her nicely and treat her with respect

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