To tell a fmaily member i know...

[sarahbeth2]

A friend of a family member has written to tell us something they want us to deal with to help out this family member. They told us that we werent to say what we knew and that we werent to say where any info had come from.

How do we get to talk to the family member about this issue without admitting we know something? Are we wrong to divuldge what we know in order to deal with the problem? Is the sender of the letter unreasonable for asking us to do this?

oh we have tried to have a general conversation and ask things to the family member but this has not come up so dont know how to approach it...

Sorry being vague...

Eh? You're going to have to give more info than that.

Being very vague, more info needed for rational advice.

Sorry!!! Its hard as i dont want to be 'found out' lol.

A family member has a son who lives with her and he is using drugs and stealing from her. She hasnt told anyone so we need to help her. Not sure how....

Not much you can do if she's not happy to discuss it. I would just keep my eyes open, ears ready, and let her know she has a support network. Must be hard for her, horrible situation

We know this has happened in the past but not now...
He has such an awful history, we have told her before now to trust him but its 'her son' blah blah. But we are family too. On a seperate note, am i unreasonable for no longer allowing my kids to go round and saying she is welcome here? That will tell her we know something though...

No you YANBU. Your children shouldn't be going there. Let her visit you. The son needs professional help - not much you or his mother can do alone.

Why would you not allow your kids to go round there?

He has been getting help but is such a good liar and manipulator its obviously not working. Suppose i just felt the guilt trip re kids as she is very woe is me and what am i going to do i cant have them round etc.
Dont think we can help much and now decided to ask some leading questions and then let on we know whats going on and that we wont be visiting any time soon. If the person who wrote the letter feels betrayed that we have told them there is not much we can do is there!

I can appreciate the friend-of-the-family-member's intentions, but my instinct suggests it won;t work.

situation is probably thriving on various forms of secrecy/enablement/denial and this is just adding another (well-intentioned) level.

Sounds grim. Drug-use in teenage years (guessing here) and in the family is grim.

Did you knwo before you were "informed"? How close are you all? Is there realistic support you can offer? What might that be? Is it impacting on your immediate family?

Teenage years?! No he is in his 30s!!!!

Yes we knew and god the story of his behaviour dates back so long.
The family member is definately an enabler and denies her son is this way. We are having her over today to discuss. We have helped and helped so this is really the last straw. It is impacting on our family but no longer, we a re through with it!