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To think this is such a sad thing for my DSS to say

15 replies

Eddieshead · 01/05/2011 09:21

He confided in me the other day that he has told his DM that he will no longer be mentioning his Dad in their house as he is completely fed up with her making 'snide remarks' about his DD every time he says anything.

Poor lad Sad

OP posts:

gkys · 01/05/2011 09:30

poor kid. sounds like hes really going through it, did you dig a little deeper or just leave it at that? how old is he? not that it makes much difference,


Eddieshead · 01/05/2011 09:33

He's 18. An absolutely lovely lad. His parents split many years ago by the way.

Not much point in digging really as its pretty clear she hates my DH, but it just seems unbearably sad that he doesnt feel able to mention his DD at home.

OP posts:

SueSylvesterforPM · 01/05/2011 09:34

Poor kid its never right to snipe at ex partners around kids


breathing · 01/05/2011 09:35

At least he is bright enough to do that rather than not just join in with her like my dss does


gkys · 01/05/2011 09:45

at least hes old enough to just ignore the situation, he can do his own thing at that age rather than be subjected to it as younger ones offen are, still horrible thoughxx


ChristinedePizan · 01/05/2011 09:46

Sorry is it your DD that he doesn't feel able to mention or his own? I'm confused


StewieGriffinsMom · 01/05/2011 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yoshiLunk · 01/05/2011 09:55

DD = Dad in this case.

That is really sad, must have been going on for years, poor lad But it sounds like he's taking a very mature approach - unlike his mother.

All you can do is be supportive of him, - which it sounds like you already are.


ddubsgirl · 01/05/2011 10:32

thats awful,my step mum hated me saying anything about my mum even tho she never knew her and she had died,she had pics of her late husband up but we was never allowed pics of my mum,she would slag my mum off and use to get my back right up as she knew nothing about her.


ChristinedePizan · 01/05/2011 10:33

Oh right, that is sad :( And sadly common


HerHissyness · 01/05/2011 10:36

Speaks volumes about your clear and obvious capabilities as a step-parent that he confided in you. Well done!

He's old enough to say something to his mum though. along the lines of 'Mum, he may be your Ex, but he'll always be my dad'. And 'If you can't say something nice, best to say nothing at all...'


zest01 · 01/05/2011 21:55

My Dsk are not allowed to mention their Dad, or any of the paternal or step family when they are with their BM. It is odd and pathetic and how sad for the children. Maybe he should tell bm how he feels about it. My (separated) parents STILL slag one another off and I STILL hate it. I have told them but they either deny it or make light of it. It really annoys me, even now.


deemented · 01/05/2011 21:58

It is sad, and yes very common.

We had my DSS here on Friday - he was due to stay til tomorrow night, but his mum happened to ring up during a wayerfight we were having yesterday and didn't like the fact we were having so much fun, so she demanded he be brought back home, and if e said no she was going to ring the police Sad

There are some very very bitter women out there.


zookeeper · 01/05/2011 23:44

Why does she hate your DH? Speaking as the mother of three DCS and with an ex DP who pays desultory maintenance it can be very, very, hard to maintain the pretence24 hours a day 365 a year that their father is all he should be.


Piggles · 02/05/2011 01:21

It is so sad when people can't put their own feelings aside :( Obviously if the ex is a truly terrible person who was abusive or somehing I can understand why you just couldn't bring yourself to say nice things about them, but some women seem to just hate and trash talk their ex for no good reason at all.

My DH's ex hates him because he 'abandoned' her (yeah right, she'd run up masses of debt and was having an affair and she wondered why he walked out?)

One of DHs nieces and one DSS are the same age and liked to play together as kids. After DH and his ex split, DN always used to go home to her mother a bit quiet, and then started not wanting to go and play but always wanted to see her cousin in her own home, and finally one day DN went home to her mother crying because "Aunt X always says such horrid things about my uncle (DH) and I hate her." So she didn't even limit herself to rubbishing him to her own kids, but tried to turn his niece against him too!

She still does her best to put us down to them... which mostly makes her look stupid these days as they are now old enough to make up their own minds.

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