Am I being a stubborn Bitch or should I let ds do what he wants for a quiet life

[ohokthen]

Son 11 has had in his bedroom for the last 2-3 years. A Metal Detector. I always thought it came from his gd as (His grandad is always picking up 2nd hand stuff n giving to son).

Last week he and friends went out with it. A day later one of his friends appears demanding it back, saying the Metal Detector belongs to him At 1st I didnt take any notice as this friend has tried a similar tack to this before. (Been trying to rack my brains, to think what it was. But cant for the life of me).

But as the week has progressed, he is really piling on the pressure. Insisting it belongs to him, that he lent it to my son. And now requires it back. Son cant remember he is a bit dipsy like that, we are both the same.

My son has barely been out the front door since as every time he does, he is having peer pressure heaped on him. At one point this week the friend and others have been pounding on my front door for my son. I have told his friend, that as far as i am concerned it came from gdad's and I will double check when I see him. I got so blummin annoyed in the week, that I shouted at this lad. And told him if he had such a big problem with it to get his mam to come and see me, and we would sort it between us. (I know his mum, and we have been out a few odd times). She aint been near.

This lad has now got other kids, calling for my ds and asking about it. He cant go out without getting shit. He has told my boy he is going to steal a bike from the garden...

So in temper earlier. I made it known that it had gone, that I had took it off my son and given it away.

He has since been going online chat on fbook (I heavily monitor this). Calling my son a prick and a thief.

My son bless him to just hand it over, but I wont let him. And keep saying he needs to stick up for himself.

The friend is a few years older than my son, about 14 and one of the other boys is 14 as well. I suspect my son does bow to abit of peer pressure from these 2. Son got a new bmx for xmas, and he wanted to give this friend his old bmx. I refused, thinking it would be a good project to do up his old bike and learn about bike maintenance. But a week after I refused the bike got stolen, Not one to let thinks lie. I went door knocking his friends and lo and behold the bike was returned the next day. I have always suspected these 2 freinds of this but never had any proof.

So why haven't you phoned his Grandad?

I know if they're going to pick on something it doesn't matter what it is, so focusing in on the metal detector is a way of getting at your DS.

But is it for you to make a stand for the principle on behalf of your DS (by encouraging him to not give it back)?

I can entirely see why you're doing it, especially if you think his grandad might have given it to him, but it's really not worth it.

The only other thing I can think of is that if you honestly don't want to let go of the detector (because of grandad, and aren't bothered that much about proving a point) just buy another for a tenner if you can afford it, and hand it over with a friendly smile.

I Have, but he thinks he gave him one but cant bloody remember. He had 2 of them and only has one now.

I have to say sorry but if You, your DS and his Grandad can not remember between the 3 of you whether this boy owns it or not..and the boy is that adamant...then he probably really does own it.

I'd hand it over as he is the only one out of the 4 of you who has any kind of clear memory.

See, I was at the beginning of the week absolutely certain of where it came from, My son was at 1st as well. But this friend has become so adament that I have started to doubt myself and my lad is doing the same.

Speak to the lads Mum....with an open mind. It MAY be his.

I don't understand how you or your DS can't remember where a metal detector came from? I mean, it's hardly like a book or a toy car is it? It's a substantial item that would stick in your memory.

Does your son have a whole host of gadgety technology that he could so easily forget where this camefrom?

It does seem odd that the boy is so persistent about this too - sounds like he may have a point?

Its not a top of the range thing, like I said His gdad is always picking stuff up.

I dont like saying this, but gdad is like a ship rat if you like. Always picking stuff up and fixing or doing up stuff. He has a huge shed full of absolute shit. That they both spend hours in. So thats why, we have golf clubs, fishing rods and blummin alsorts of stuff that I havent bought. But they jsu acquire old beaten up stuff from alsorts of places.

To sum up gdad, he is like a steptoe and son, stig of the blummin dump ( I aint proud of this) Gdad once found an old teletubbie buried beneath some rubble, He took it home and bloody washed it and gave it to my son. I tried everything to get that old rotten toy of my son. But gdad kept it at his, cause he knew I would throw it away, if it got into my hands. Do you understand my hesitation.

Like I said there where 2 md at gdads, but now there is only 1 there. These arent bought new.

Oh I'm not commenting on the amount of stuff your DS may or may not have from the point of view of money or anything - I just wondered how you could acquire an item as large as a metal detector and forget where it came from. Didn't mean to suggest your son had too much stuff or anything, that's not my business (or my point)

I honestly think I (or either of my DC) would have remembered who gave them a cool item like a metal detector - and if I found one in their rooms I would have asked where it came from at the time I saw it.

But it sounds like your confusion arises from the plethora of stuff your dad and ds collect! They're not related to my DH are they?

I once had a similar problem when I was babysitting my nephew. He came running in after playing outside with his friends. Soon 3 or 4 little lads appeared hammering on the door and saying that my nephew had stolen a little friendship type bracelet thing made with beads. Nephew insisted a younger brother of one of these boys had owned the beads and made the bracelet for my nephew. Boys were adamant he was lying - "My gran got us those beads." Fine, I said, Is she at your house? "Yes" I was told. I explained that nephew and I were going to have tea but as soon as we had finished we would be round to see Gran and clear up who the beads had belonged to. "Oh, no, it's alright. He can keep them." Boys cleared off.

I would say that if you get on well with the mum, then what harm would it do to go round and have a sensible chat about it? If she is sure that her son did at one time have a detector then it is likely it is his, he lent it a while ago, and forgot until he saw it again. If she knows nothing about it she may be happy for your son to keep it. It sounds like the older boy has lost all sense of perspective over this so it would be best to (calmly and politely) involve his mother.

To sum up, exactly how bad he is and how much son has been influenced the following occured, much to my horror and that of nephews.

The local High School is around the corner from there house.

One day a art room class of children where asked to paint something they could see.

One child decided to paint, an old man rummaging through a skip, in the picture. The old man was being watched intently by a toddler in a blue 3 wheel pushchair. This picture was put on the walls of the school corridors, you can imagine our nephews horror when thay realised it was there gdad and cousin

I see where you're coming from, grandad gives my kids all kinds of crap things and I dont tend to take much notice anymore when I come across something unfamiliar.

But...i'm a bit of a dope and there have been occasions when i've turned the house upside down looking for something for weeks and given up on it, only to mention it to a friend months later in some random conversation and find that they have it, had forgotten they had it and i'd forgotten I lent it to them in the first place! I'd speak to his mum I think.

Sorry but I had to giggle at steptoe...dcs grandad has some of the ugliest strangest things i've ever seen. I feel your pain!