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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you have to apologise for it, you shouldn't post it?

25 replies

NettoSuperstar · 30/04/2011 20:22

I'm sorry but blah blah.
Gah, it really boils my piss.
It's akin to, 'I'm not racist but', 'I'm not homophobic but', 'I'm not a twat but'.....

If it needs an apology before it's posted, then don't post.

OR, just stand up and admit that sometimes, you are a bit mean.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 30/04/2011 20:22

I agree, here here.

Hassled · 30/04/2011 20:24

I don't know what you're talking about specifically, but I know I've posted stupid stuff I've instantly regretted and apologised for. It's like a conversation - your brain doesn't necessarily engage. I think you're being a bit harsh.
Surely better than being a twat and not apologising?

Hassled · 30/04/2011 20:25

Oh I see what you mean now Blush. It's been a long, hard day.

Yes, you're right. "I'm sorry but" is shitey bollocks.

PeachyPossum · 30/04/2011 20:26

I can be sorry my opinion will not be what someone wants to hear but still stand by that opinion, surely?

BluddyMoFo · 30/04/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 30/04/2011 20:32

I'm going to disagree with you. Grin sorry.

Mainly cos I do it.

And it's not to be mean, but meant to reassure that I am not being mean. If, for example, the OP has asked for advice and the advice I am going to give is rather blunt or I feel could be misunderstood as me being mean or is maybe not what they want to hear, I will try to soften it a bit and make sure they know that my intention is not to hurt or upset them.

AgentZigzag · 30/04/2011 20:32

I think you can say something you know the OP won't like without writing a sting into the tail of it.

I feel a bit sorry for people who apologise before they disagree with the OP, have courage in your convictions!

AgentZigzag · 30/04/2011 20:33

Yeah, I suppose if the OPs a bit vulnerable at the time and you've got to say something they might not like to hear hecate, I might perhaps say 'I'm sorry if this sounds harsh OP...'

southeastastra · 30/04/2011 20:35

nothing would ever get posted then would it???

bibbitybobbityhat · 30/04/2011 20:35

Fabby: its hear hear, not here here.

Op: yabu. Plenty of posters on Mumsnet cannot cope with the slightest dissent or disagreement.

About once a week we have threads moaning about the bullies.

Many posters seem to think this is a place where you can ONLY post kindly and supportive comments, even when the op is being an utter twat.

MrsKwazii · 30/04/2011 20:42

I'm not being funny but ..... oh yes, that and 'I'm sorry, but', and 'I'm not being rude, but'. Like you say OP, if you need to preface it, how about not saying it?

sb6699 · 30/04/2011 20:49

I will do it if I think that the op's feelings will be hurt.

But I will only say something that could hurt someones feelings if I think its something that in the long run, will do them good to hear which I think is the philosphy most folk go by.

Casmama · 30/04/2011 20:55

I agree. It is the specific phrase "I'm sorry but". "I'm sorry if this sounds ..." has a totally different meaning.

I'm sorry but - I'm not sorry and I don't care how you feel.
I'm not being rude but - I am being rude and doing it in such a way as to make you look unreasonable if you take it that way.
I'm not being funny - in the slightest.

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 30/04/2011 21:02

I'm sorry if this sounds/I'm sorry if you find this harsh, is very different from the generic, I'm sorry but.......

OP posts:
Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 30/04/2011 21:05

I find that the 'I'm sorry but', people, then come back and think they are resolved of all ill as they said sorry firstConfused

I can imply you are a bitch, I said sorry first.

Almost like the 'personal opinion' folks.

OP posts:
TheMonster · 30/04/2011 21:06

YANBU. ANd I am not sorry!

AgentZigzag · 30/04/2011 21:09

Can I add when posters say 'so there' or 'so ner' at the end?

That's almost like an apology in that it says they feel uncomfortable with what they've posted and are pretending not to be bothered by what anyone else will think of them.

It's like something you'd say at school.

Nagoo · 30/04/2011 21:10

I often post harsh stuff...

... and then agree that I'm a bitch.

It's not RL here. There are no consequences, we can just namechange (although I don't). but if I want to say it, i will.

It's not the same as 'I'm not racist but...' at all. It's you are not going to like this OP but here is my blunt opinion, which by posting on a public forum, you have asked for.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 30/04/2011 21:43

ner ner ner

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 30/04/2011 22:00

Oh.
I sometimes say, 'so there', but I'm never being serious.
I'm usually justifying ordering takeawayGrin

OP posts:
FunnysInTheGarden · 30/04/2011 22:02

never ever admit to regretting what you post. It is the END I tell thee

Finallyspring · 30/04/2011 22:09

The absolute worst is ' no offence but...' which is ALWAYS followed by an offensive remark. Someone I know does this a lot.

AgentZigzag · 30/04/2011 22:09

You're just so immature BALD

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 30/04/2011 22:27

this is so funny! I agree with whomever it was that said that MN isn't real life, just get that opinion off your chest and post it!! I'm sure there are no end of MNers who'll be only too happy to say 'I'm sorry, but you ARE being an offensive twat, you are the weakest link' and sort of put them right, in a really supportive and lovely manner!
Not that I ever would, natch.

Southcoastsarah · 30/04/2011 22:38

its like the "no offence, but your bum dont arf look big" lol

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