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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For finding it freaky when DP copies everything I do?

20 replies

Latte81 · 30/04/2011 12:52

When DP and I first met I'd just come back from Florida. A few weeks later I realised he was trying to book the exact same holiday I had been on with my kids for him and his kids. At the time I just thought "fair enough, Florida is great, only natural he'd want to go." But he was also looking up Gran Canaria which happened to be the holiday I went on a couple of years before Florida. He said he's always wanted to go and he wanted to go with just me, not with the kids. This seemed a bit wierd as I'd gone to G. Canaria with just my ex, no kids.

But anyway this kind of thing has continued. Just before christmas DP bought a new mobile phone. Cheap thing for £40. I also needed a new phone and really had my eye on a £100 smart phone. He tried like mad to convince me to get the same phone as him but I didn't like it and so bought the smart phone. Within days he sold his £40 phone and bought the exact same phone as me. Bit wierd but I suppose lots of couples have a iphone each etc so not too wierd I suppose - but he'd only had his phone 2 days before he sold it to get one the same as mine.

I bought an xbox kinect for me and the kids. Days later he told me he'd bought one for him and his kids.

I told him I had a long term goal to go to Thailand and had started up a long term savings for it. Low and behold, within days he'd started up a "thailand fund".

I told him the other night that I'm getting sick of my mobile phone, it's not as good as I thought it was and I'm getting rid to buy a HTC. The next day he sent me a text detailing a package he was considering getting - and yes you guessed it, he gets the same HTC as I want with the package.

I told him I'm looking for a Ford Focus car. He's now looking to buy a Ford Focus car.

There's other stuff too but you get the drift. Am I being childish or is it seriously wierd to copy in this way??

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 30/04/2011 12:53

how does he explain this? you must give him the face when he says these things

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 30/04/2011 12:57

It would be funny if it wasn't so darn creepy. Have you asked him why he's trying to clone your life? Hmmm. Not sure what to suggest tbh but I'd say to follow your instincts and if it feels weird, it probably is. Have you been together long?

Original poster

Latte81 · 30/04/2011 12:57

He doesn't really explain it but tbf I've never questioned him on in incase I was being a bit petty. I did ask him why he wanted the HTC phone when only days earlier he'd said he was happy with the smart phone we bought. He said he just "fancied a change". I told him there were some nice erricsons around now and he didn't even look. He's just set on getting the same as me. I think he would be really angry if I went out and bought a different phone to the one I'd told him I was getting, it's that bad.

OP posts:

VajazzHands · 30/04/2011 12:57

eurrgh. That's weird. More the kind of think you expect form a SWF type friend.... not a partner! He'll be wearing you as a skin suit in no time. Dump him!

BluddyMoFo · 30/04/2011 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaWeaselIsOupaLaDouffe · 30/04/2011 13:01

I don't think I would be comfortable with that no.

I mean, obviously yes, it's great if you like and want the same things - but not down to every tiny detail! How long have you been seeing him? Maybe he is just trying too hard?

bubblecoral · 30/04/2011 13:02

Get the different phone, if he reacts badly you have your answer. I think it's wierd, but it also show that he's incredibly insecure, which in the long run could create loads of other issues. I'd take it as a warning.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 30/04/2011 13:04

Is he insecure?

Thinks that if he likes everything you like, you'll want him more?

Or maybe he's envious of you?

Or something, I don't know.

You have several options.

tell him that his constant copying of everything you do and buy has creeped you out so much that you don't want to see him any more.

Ask him why he always gets everything that you get - and be prepared to reel off a long long list, when he denies that is true.

When you tell him you've got something or are planning to get it, look at him sideways, grin and say "You can get it from such and such a place, I know you'll be breaking your neck to get one now."

or when he does it, laugh and say "Oh, how did I know you'd get one."

Make baa-baaa noises

Or start telling him things you are going to get / have ordered / have bought. Have some fun. You're buying a .

VajazzHands · 30/04/2011 13:04

If he would get angry, he is mental and you shoudl leave him. I probably woudl get a different phone, and say ""I think it's weird having "his and hers" everything so since you wanted the HTC, I got this totally different phone". Then see what he says in response.

VajazzHands · 30/04/2011 13:07

Maybe you should buy a massive Pink Sparkly Dildo and wait for him to buy one too. The looks he gets at ann summers shoudl be enough to teach him he doesn't need everythign you do.

LaWeaselIsOupaLaDouffe · 30/04/2011 13:09

I think you need to buy your new phone and make a big deal out of the fact that you DON'T want to have the same phone as him (whatever you get) because you like having things that aren't the same.

If he gets the same phone anyway, he's being crap for not respecting your wishes and will never get over this, if he gets really upset/angry about it/tries to make you feel bad steer well clear because that is a very bad sign.

If he is a bit confused but respects your decision then maybe you can make some headway...

Original poster

Latte81 · 30/04/2011 13:16

When we first got together he didn't have very nice stuff (not being mean, just honest!) everything was the cheapest of the cheap, even his clothes were scruffy and old fashioned. I didn't try to change him but he began asking for my opinion on things, clothes especially and I got him kitted out in some decent stuff and taught him that sometimes, it pays to spend a bit more money and get nice things.
I'm wondering if he's still working on the philosophy that he needs me to approve what is decent and what is shit iyswim? But he's taking it to the extreme and even when I say something is decent (like the new erricson phones) he still won't get one unless I get one.
I think he's not of the opinion that it's only good enough if I've bought it myself. It's all a bit wierd tbh. He is terribly insecure.

OP posts:

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 30/04/2011 13:16

It was you that posted this twice, right?

Or is the other thread by your DP?

Becaroooo · 30/04/2011 13:17

I used to have a friend like this....

She did all of the following;

cut her hair like mine
dyed her hair the same colour as mine
She commented on a skirt I had - the next week she bought a skirt EXACTLY the same
I told her I was going to do some courses with the OU - within a week she had enrolled at a local FE college to to "travel and tourism"
I mentioned I was thinking of getting a new car - THAT WEEKEND she went and bought a brand new astra
I mentioned we were thinking of putting our house up for sale to go for a detached - THE NEXT WEEK she had the EA round valuing her house!!

Needless to say, we are no longer friends!

Its very odd. I dont understand it.

Original poster

Latte81 · 30/04/2011 13:28

Wildthings, yeah that's me too

See a current situation I have is that I want two of my photos printed on to canvas for my walls. If I tell him, he'll DEFINATELY want the same thing doing for his house, especially as the photos are from a day out we both went on but I don't want him having the same bloody canvases as me! the whole point of getting your photos onto canvas is so you have personal pictures on your walls and not just some generic print from argos that probably appears in thousands of other homes across Britain.

But he will see them when he comes down. How petty is it going to look if I refuse to give him the photos so he can get some canvases done too?

OP posts:

midnightservant · 30/04/2011 13:29

Could he have Aspergers? From your description of his initial appearance it sounds like he could have the same decision making difficulties I have - I am undiagnosed but pretty sure I am. Without criteria of taste, I tend to decide based on funtionality and cheapness, but I would really like not to do this and borrowing someone else's ideas that I admire would seem like a logical strategy to me, even though I know it is problematic in the way you describe.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 30/04/2011 13:29

give him different photos.

Tell him how you feel.

atswimtwolengths · 30/04/2011 13:30

Is he going to want the exact same photos?

atswimtwolengths · 30/04/2011 13:34

The thing is that if you say "Oh get this, it's fantastic" but then you buy something different, you're saying "Yes, yours is fantastic but mine is better."

I thought he was just lacking in confidence until you said he would get angry. In which case I would buy the different phone at the last minute and if he gets angry, dump him. Anyone who is easily angered and has no personality isn't the man for you.

Hassled · 30/04/2011 13:34

It sounds weird as hell - does he have a lot of redeeming features? I mean, if this is your only issue and otherwise you're happy together, I suppose you have to shrug it off as one of those annoying things, like snoring. I think if I were you I'd have to challenge it - make it a discussion.

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