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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hope for a bit of me time?

6 replies

Sops · 29/04/2011 23:08

We've been on holiday at our caravan by the seaside for the last 12 days- me, dh, dd (7) and ds (5).
Everyday dh has managed a good chunk of 'time-off' on his own, gone off for 4/5 runs, nipped to 'shops' (ie. needlessly skived off), etc etc. Whereas
I've had about two hours freedom in total. I'm really starting to feel like the hired help here.
Don't get me wrong, I totally love being with my kids (even though ds would try the patience of a blardy saint) but I'd really appreciate the opportunity to do something for myself once in a while. I bought myself some hair colour at the beginning of the week, but not used it yet- and this is what I call a holiday!
Btw, dh and I work together running our own business so he can't claim he has greater work strain than me- I sit opposite him all day!
On weds ds was really badly behaved (we are waiting for referral to paed for help with suspected special needs, but that's another story) and dh was really struggling to deal with it. I had already taken the kids to the play area for a 40 mins that morning while dh arsed around at the caravan in peace. Then later, we went out and dh wanted to look around a town but I knew that ds would not tolerate it so I said I would wait in the car with kids (rather than suffer the pain of wrangling ds). After that we needed to go to the supermarket (food shopping is dh's favourite hobby), again I took the children to the park and he had well over an hour (surely unneccessarily long for two day's food?) mooching round waitrose.
On Thursday he leaves at 11am to go and visit his brother (was his birthday) and have a big night out. Meanwhile I'm dealing with ds and a two hour tantrum- fun, fun, fun! Dh gets back at 4pm today. He's not spoken tonight 'cos he's too tired, gone to bed at 9.30pm announcing that he'll be going for a run first thing tomorrow.
On weds eve I said I'd like a bit of a break and that he'd had quite a lot more free time than me, he just made a cutting comment about me needing to go to bed earlier then I wouldn't be so tired 'We're all having to suffer because you don't have enough sleep'.
Don't get me wrong, in many, many ways he is a really fantastic husband (and a good dad too) but sometimes he takes me for f-ing granted!

OP posts:
hairfullofsnakes · 29/04/2011 23:11

Right, tomorrow, get up TELL him you are going out to the shops for a bit and that the kids are with him. You need to be more assertive, he is being very unfair and his stupid comment about going to bed earlier is taking the piss. Hand him the kids and go out! Good luck and let us know how you get on!

ManicPanic · 29/04/2011 23:17

Don't stand for it.
Make it clear that you expect (roughly) the same amount of 'time off' that he is clearly enjoying.

I get all the 'time off' I want, but I always ask dh about my plans, rather than tell him, if he will be looking after dd, and he knows anytime he likes he is free to go out / go to the pub in the evening with his friends. as he's an old fart

I urge you not to feel guilty for standing up for yourself, he will spot it a mile off and use it to his advantage.

If it makes you feel better, it's worth considering that the more he gets used to handling the dc on his own, the more capable he will become with experience. If you let him get away with skipping off whenever he fancies - then the shit will really hit the fan if you get flu / break your foot / whatever. Then you will find yourself with a man who is suddenly incapable of reading the instructions on a Calpol bottle and does not know what his dc's school uniforms look like. Or that they are not self cleaning, apparently. Wink

Sops · 30/04/2011 00:23

Yes, I must get a bit more assertive. Trouble is, he is soooo good at turning things round and making me feel like the unreasonable one- he would have made a really fantastic barrister. Now I know where ds gets his outstanding manipulation skills from!!
I do stay up late, (obviously!) but mostly 'cos i'm worrying researching ds's ishoos- so he could give me a bloody break on that one!
WineWineWine
Tomorrow sees the new assertive me! I'm so sick of hanging round play areas!

OP posts:
hairfullofsnakes · 30/04/2011 05:57

Don't give him the chance to turn it round! Just hand him dc and go!

Is he a Gemini?!

needafootmassage · 30/04/2011 06:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 30/04/2011 07:35

I agree, don't ask him for time off, TELL him.

Maybe if he sees how hard it is he'll start appreciating you

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