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15 replies

Leviathan · 29/04/2011 22:48

DP is working fulltime and some -I'm on mat leave- he's pretty good on the whole - we take in turns to cook and wash up but...

I feel like I do everything else - washing, cleaning, 6/7 nappy changes, 5/7 bedtimes, 95% of food shopping, organising bills and money... I feeling pretty knackered and emotional about it - AIBU??

or should I just get on with it cos I'm not having to go out to work ? How do other mums do it? how do things change when you go back to work?

and... is this subject totally taboo?? My friends never discuss it unless their DPs are really crap and I've just spent an age trying to find a housework thread on the forums...

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 29/04/2011 22:51

what do you think he should be doing?

My husband works full time, I dont. I dont expect him to come home and do housework too.


FabbyChic · 29/04/2011 22:54

He works full time and some. You don't it doesnt take 10 hours a day to look after a child, he already does quite a bit more than some and you are obviously feeling he still doesn't do enough.

I went back to work with my first after 12 months with my second after 5 weeks, looking after one child and being a stay at home mum is easy and it is alsy easy to maintain a spotless house and cook dinners.

I did however have a partner who did not work, he was the SAHD for the second child for 18 months.


textfan · 29/04/2011 22:56

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BeerTricksPotter · 29/04/2011 22:58

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Valpollicella · 29/04/2011 23:00

Could he maybe take on the bill paying by internet in the evenings? So that's one thing you don't have to do


ObscureReference · 29/04/2011 23:01

How old is your baby?

TBH I see it as out of house work = DH and house-work = me. Yes, we work hard at home, but they work hard out of the home.

We have a fairly traditional set up. He works (hard) and I do the rest. All meals, cleaning, organising, errands etc during the week. He leaves befre 8 in the morning and it is a rare day that he is back before the children are in bed, so I do all of that as well. On the weekend, he spends one day doing sport as his down time but we share the cooking and daily cleaning and we do bed time together. Nothing major cleaning wise needs doing as I do little and often and the house just chugs along. If anything, the house is worse on the weekend as I relax a little too and dont do as much as I would during the week!!

We have three DC.


LaWeaselIsOupaLaDouffe · 29/04/2011 23:02

How young is your child?

I think when you are on Maternity Leave, you are on leave to look after your baby not clean up after your partner and there should definately be a respect to that in how you arrange your rota.

As they get older if you are a SAHP I think more responsibility should shift to the person who is at home. Just beacuse, being realistic, they've probably got more time to fit it in. (But I still don't think SAHP should be doing it all)


ReindeerBollocks · 29/04/2011 23:04

It's up to you both to find a dynamic that works. If you feel it's too much with a new baby then tell him, and see what he feels like he can do to help you in the evenings.

Personally, I do all the housework and the main care of the DCs but DH does help out when he's at home, but I view it as part of my role as a SAHM. This works in my favour though as I can rearrange housework depending on what I do each day with the DCs.


Firawla · 29/04/2011 23:04

I think it sounds fairly normal? but if you feel its too much or you want more help etc then no harm in discussing with him, probably depends whether you have a more difficult baby that you cant easily put down or something like that? but maybe then there would be some way round it to make it easier like using a sling
If you could afford a cleaner and it would make life easier then maybe get one?
but what I think most people do is just focus on the most important or vital houseworks and face it that if you can not do everything all the time then just let some of the less important things slide? (i'm sure its not just me who does this..) as long as he does not then come and start complaining about little things around the home
how did you split the work before you were on mat leave?
i think him doing half the cooking and washing up is actually really good though, that's a great help compared to a lot of men


squeakytoy · 29/04/2011 23:06

when you are on maternity leave with a non-walking baby, how much looking after does it really take??? there is no reason for the house to need a thorough cleaning every day, a quick tidy round and hoover takes less than half an hour

washing up cannot possibly take more than half an hour either

a load of washing to go in the machine first thing

nobody needs to go shopping every day

bills should go on direct debit, and even if they are not, there are not that many that it would take long to sort out even on a weekly basis


Maryz · 29/04/2011 23:07

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babylann · 29/04/2011 23:10

We're not overly organised when it comes to housework but DP definitely pulls his weight as far as I'm concerned. He works full time, I'm SAHM to 11mo DD. Basically, it's a matter of trust between us. He trusts that while he's at work, I am doing the same amount of "work" by looking after DD and fulfilling her every whim and fancy, and tidying and cooking etc. When he gets home, we are both in the same position - we've both "worked" all day so we share any chores which need doing like DD's bath time, dishes after dinner, the hoovering, tidying up DD's toys when she's gone to bed, etc.


Leviathan · 29/04/2011 23:20

DS is 6mo and he's easy and fun to be with - that's why I feel I'm being unreasonable! Thanks for posts - rejigged my perspective - think I'm overtired!

OP posts:

Maryz · 29/04/2011 23:21

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DuelingFanjo · 29/04/2011 23:28

You have my sympathies. Did you always do all the washing etc?

I am on maternity leave (DS, 4 months) and feel resentful about doing all the housework but it's something I always used to do despite working full time. I don't think you should necesarily have to do it all just because you are on maternity leave.

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