To say to my friend that all her illnesses are psychosomatic because her husband is a soul-draining twat?

[madonnawhore]

That, really.

I have a friend who is ALWAYS ill, she's recently had surgery for a hip problem which I guess she can't really help, but her recovery has been really slow and marred by other minor illnesses like slight infections, flu, her wisdom teeth started playing up, etc.

Now she has a chest and throat infection and she's STILL hobbling about from surgery even though she really ought to be much more improved than she is by now.

Her husband is, to put it mildly, a fucking wanker. He has mental health issues and refuses to take responsibility for them or manage it properly. So when he's on medication he's ok, but if he decides he can't be bothered then he can be a real dick to her.

Obviously I have been offering practical help and looking after her in whatever way I can. I'm not frustrated with her for being so ill all the time per se, but I can't help thinking that she's in this toxic environment with this prick all of the time and that's why she can't get properly better, because she's absorbing all of his negativity.

I know there's nothing I can do to make her leave him or anything like that, I'm just having a rant really. Her state of mind is what's keeping her sick I think.

Anyone else known someone in similar situation?

YANBU, but I probably wouldn't mention it to her

I think you're right in thinking his negativity is impacting on her recovery. I'm a firm believer that a positive mind can aid recovery.

Yabvu. I understand because I have been in almost the exact same position as her. Oh with mental health issues and very bad behaviour. It is
totally shattering.

But it took for me to be ready to leave ... No number of others saying
it to me made any difference.

If you say this to her, you'll just make her feel even more of an idiot than she already does.

Just be there for her.

It's just such a waste of her life. She's not old, she's only mid-thirties so should be enjoying good health and fitness.

I know there's nothing I can do except be there for her. I just avoid asking the question "how are you?" these days because I know it's just going to be a litany of new bloody ailments.

yanbu to feel this way inside but yabu to say anything to her. my cousin is like this..... been ill now for 3 years and just cant recover .... my family sll think it is becuase her partner is very unmotivated and selfish and always relied on her in the past to be the one to step up and dela with things..... he cant seem to do the same for her and I do think this is almost trapping her in this downward spiral.... However its oen thing thinking this its totlly another to say anything. What are you expoecting her to say back? \she is not very likely to agree with you even if she knows its true. so like hairylights says, she needs to be ready to accept the truth and move on herself before your words will have any power or influence at all.