To think that people should try and think before they speak?

[gilmoregirl]

I have had a tough week - not helped by what I consider to be total insensitivity by other people who surely should try to think before they speak.

As a single parent who works full time perhaps I am overly sensitive to these comments:

"You miss out so much if you work when you have kids"

"I would never send my child to an afterschool club"

"I want to donate DD's clothes to a charity so I have been looking out for a "single parent's hospice* I can donate them to"

I never know what to say to these comments which really upset me so I just change the subject but I really need to find a suitable retort!

Why let them get to you? They're just throwaway comments. If people have to run everything past an internal censor before they speak then conversation would dry up pretty quickly.

The hospice thing, they obviously meant hostel, I can see what they were trying to say, it just came out wrong, not a hanging offence.

hmmm hostel - didn't think of that.

What I thought was "wish I knew where this hospice was I'd like to check in for a rest"

I must say that I do try to think of who I am speaking to when I make comments to try not to offend the other person and just wish others would show the same consideration.

which part of it isnt true?

Just say 'at least I'll still have a career when my kids grow up, whereas you'll be lucky to get a job for the minimum wage'

Well I think most people do generally try but you can't watch what you say every minute of every day, it would be exhausting!

I've heard all these and then some (not even a single parent so can sympathise even more) but don't let them get to you. Carry on as you are.

Is this coming from other parents btw? (who should understand)

gilmoregirl some people say these things to make themselves out to be better/superior to you.
I work, and I use an afterschool club.

When my oldest child started reception, we went to a settling in session. One of the other mothers said she believed it was awful to send reception dcs to an after/before school club.

Well whoopi do for her, with her term time short day work pattern and her mother who lives with them part time for childcare purposes.

Incidentally she has turned out to be one of the most miserable and unhappy/unpleasant people I have ever met. :(

Ignore ignore ignore (unwanted comments I mean)

Yes, coming from other parents. They are more fortunate as a) married, b) financially better off than me and c) have family to help with childcare so can work part time and won't need after school club.

I know I am just too sensitive - things are hard at the moment so these comments hurt me a lot. I find just surviving day to day tough going so having friends casually criticising things that I do is crushing.

I know what you mean Gilmoregirl. As a working single parent myself I've had similar. I have a friend who's a SAHM. While she's never said anything herself (otherwise she might not still be my friend ), her DH in the past has said such nuggets as 'There's no point having kids if you don't look after them yourself' (bit rich seeing as he works away a lot ) and 'Kids shouldn't be put into nursery, a parent should be at home with them'. I put my DS into nursery at 6 months when I went back to work but because I'm a single parent, somehow that makes it ok, and him saying something along those lines is usually followed by the disclaimer 'But it's different for you, SoftKitty'.

I realise he's not being deliberately offensive, and I just don't really think that it's possible to consider every single person's situation before you speak, especially if you've never been in their situation.

Oh, and forgot to say, the people who say those things to you? Remember that they are only a divorce, affair or bereavement away from being in your situation. Then they may have no choice but to work and put their DC in childcare shock horror.

yes those comments are mean. They would probably moan if you said you were going to give up work and claim benefits instead. You can't win.