bloody suffocated by neighbour......

[paisleyII]

ffs, am friendly sociable person, chat to neighs' when have time and in right mood, you know how it is, you can pick up on when a neigh isn't in the mood for a chat and vise versa however one neigh who i used to sometimes chat to is so bloody thick skinned, lives a couple of doors away and seems to always suddenly appear, by coincidence, when i am either outside doing something or walking past. prob is they ALWAYS want to chat and shoot the breeze and is very thick skinned and cannot recognise the body language that most can pick up on if you are either really rushed or just not in the mood for whatever reason. i am so off sometimes as it has got so bad ie i am clearly up to my neck loading up the car and yet they will stand right up behind me wanting to talk about bollocks, anyway, i have found myself being increasingly off hoping they will get the hint but in doing so making me feel awful as i don't like having to be cold/off. now dh has just told me that this person has just cornered him asking him if he has upset me as i was super cold to him last week when again he sauntered up to me wanting to have 15 minute chat whilst i was rushing around like a jakass. i feel awful but really pissed off as i have upset them but all i want really is to be left alone and free to make neighbourly chit chat as and when you feel the mood, like all other neighs, sometimes they want to chat and sometimes they don't. what the f**k should i do? i feel next time i see him, which will as usual be soon, i will have to say something on the lines of dh told me you thought you had offended me, you haven't but i just don't always have the time to chat. dh told me he pretty much said that but the perosn is so thick skinned for them to not have come to their own conclusion i doubt even having had it spelled out to him would make any difference, i couldn't possibly be totally honest with him in as much as i feel suffocated as he has nothing to do and wants to pounce on any neighbour he sees to kill the time, i feel sorry for him in part but don't have the time to hang out with him or tbh want to either, he is a bit creepy

Instead of relying on body language and freezing her out, why not try saying politely but firmly that you really don't have time to chat right now but will look forward to catching up when you're not rushing to get somewhere?

Neighs everybody needs good Neighs, with a little understanding....da da da

Yes just tell him firmly and politely, you're in a hurry and 'sorry, can't stop to chat'

I'm really sorry but I can't read your post. In the nicest possible way, could you split it into paragraphs please, then I think you'll get more responses. :)

I have a neighbour like that. She walks past my house every 5 minutes or so and always wants to talk and try to hold my baby whenever she sees me.

Yesterday I managed to avoid her as I was on the other side of the road and wa on the phone, I watched her go into her house and yet by the time I was taking the pram through the front door there she was walking past again!

Wish I had some advice but sadly I can't get rid of my stalker either!

The problem is that you are expecting him to observe your body language and interpret it and understand what you are thinking and how you feel and what boundaries you would like in place.

This is a little unreasonable of you.

Try verbalising.

"sorry, can't chat at the moment, I'm a bit busy"

and the long term thing to do is, of course, engage him in conversation and bring it around to the neighbourhood "of course, what I love about this area is that everyone is friendly but we aren't in each other's pockets. I used to live in a place where you simply couldn't get any peace, it was so awful. I love the friendly atmosphere here where you can wave a cheery hello as you go about your day."

Even a person with a single braincell would understand that.

the thing is, i actually do love the friendly atmosphere where i live but most people have stuff going on in their lives/are busy at times and do not have time to kill all the time. there are two people in our street like this, both are men, older men, one retired, the other young enough to work but had many nervous breakdowns and is reliant on hanging around the neighs all the time. i am a mkt trader and am constantly running in and out of the house loading up the car with stock. sometimes he stands behind me when my arse is sticking out of the car frantically trying to arrange the stock to squeeze it in the car when it is pouring and i hear this 'so what have you been up to....' which drives me NUTS. i make it really clear i ma busy most of the time ie running with arms full of stuff, pretty bloody obvious i can't stop and chat. actually, i have actually said to him before i haven't got time to chat but he still stands there watching me, and chatting....i feel sorry for him but i can't make him my responsiblity, i help elderly ladies in the street, tbh he does give me the creeps a bit.
loopy - sorry about paragraphs, i know they are annoying but i am really busy and typing this i haven't got time to think and make it nicer to read, it is just flowing out of me, i know i am ranting, making myself feel better, not a problem if noone reads it although i do appreciate the effort from those who do

This would drive me nuts. I hate even having to walk past and say hello to my neighbours. Thankfully, they appear to feel the same way, so we don't have to stop and chat, just do a quick hello and walk past.

You may just have to say "can't chat, bye", get in your car and drive off. Failing that, if you were very blunt and explained the problem, the worst that could happen is he'd stop talking to you, which would be a result.

Then you need to be clear.

Stop rushing around. When he comes, stop. turn round. look him in the eye. "Hello X. I am sorry, but I do not have time to chat. Please excuse me, I must get on." then carry on with what you are doing. If he is still standing there, then let him, you don't need to engage further with him. You have been clear.

If you hadn't said that bit about him giving you "the creeps", I would have suggested that you offer him a time to come round and have a cuppa. "I don't have time to talk, but feel free to come round on Friday at 4 and we'll have a cup of tea" but it seems like you don't really want to interact with him at all?

thanks chaps - tbh i used to chat with him about work as he is involved in market life too but it is because of this that he always wants to chat. i don't like the thought that i have hurt his feelings but otoh i haven't got time to humour him. he is married and has children so he isn't on his own. i guess it is my fault in part as i used to chat to him more but he has over stepped the mark on a few occasions whereby he has stood there chatting whilst i have my back to him clearly trying to deal with loads of stock etc in the rain - this has made me back off. he has done this a few times, he has become high maintenance. i know i can be quite focused and moody when i am working, can't help it....feel rotten actually. have to go and load my car, dreading it........

um, it occurs to me. You're fem, he's male - does he have the hots for you?
Just a thought. Hecate's advice seems sound - be blunt, forthright and SAY IT rather than rely on non-verbals.

Alternatively, just shoujld 'Oh My Fucking God, Not YOU Again'. That should also sort it.

Joking aside, sounds pretty irritating. THis is why I moved to Wales with no neighbours apart from sheep. We have to listen to nobody's noise, put up with nobody's 'you're my neighbour let's be friends' crap.... bah and indeed, humbuggery.....

Good luck. Sounds like you'll need it.

lost - errr, you have freaked me out, just the thought that he might fancy me makes me want to up chuck. no, i am pretty sure it ain't that, i see him corner anyone in the street for a chat, not all female, errr, just the thought....