To think if you invite visitors to stay you should modify your behaviour a bit to accommodate them?

[AgentZigzag]

I'm just on a thread about a poster who was invited to stay at a relatives house overseas and was made to feel pretty unwelcome.

In this posters case it was the strict cleanliness rules and petty penny pinching that made her feel it was more like staying in a boot camp than a nice visit to the rellies.

I'm not saying you should totally change the people you are to fit in with, what can be, difficult guests (not suggesting the OP was in the thread) but surely you shouldn't behave exactly as you would when you're on your own, or expect them to fit in with sometimes bizarre routines.

So what kinds of things wouldn't it be acceptable to do when you've got people over (and I'm talking about shortish term visits, not when your MIL stays over for months on end)?

What about not locking the bathroom door when you're using it?

Stinking the bathroom out and not giving a warning before the guest goes in?

Sitting glued to your fave TV program while they sit there in silence bored stiff?

There was a thread on here about a poster (it was Yankandcock I think, I've no idea why I remembered the posters name ) who was Skyping her mum and her mums husband was stood behind her with not a lot on, he clearly didn't think it was a problem because he was in his own house, but the OP was a bit embarrassed

Some people do think 'it's my house and I'll act like I want', and others go the total opposite and try to control smother their guests with constant attention.

So what would be the nice balance?

[AgentZigzag]

It also depends on how much they were into their beer.

If it was a lot, then their attention is going to be on getting pissed/sleeping it off, and being more bothered about their lifestyle than any consideration to you and your DC.

The hangover from hell does need attention.

Everything you've said though just puts me in mind of students, so focused on themselves and their own needs that they don't have the capacity for anybody else.

But then couldn't you say that a lot of people without DC are selfish just because they don't have to think about anybody but themselves?

[Spero]

I think you have hit the nail on the head about the problem here and why it enrages me so.

I expect teenagers and students to act selfishly because they are young, their brains haven't properly developed and they need time to open their eyes and their minds to a world outside of themselves and their immediate wants and desires.

But to find adults still acting like that, and even worse, appearing to be proud of it - its my house! my rules! - I think is very sad.

I think having a child did make me much less selfish because you HAVE to be. I can't have long lies ins because its not fair to her, she is still too little to get her own breakfast etc. I have to go to the shop in the rain because she needs her tea, etc, etc. And actually I am much happier with life in general now that I have been forced to become more patient, more organised and more willing to compromise.

But I don't think children are a magic wand - some people remain selfish and inconsiderate, children or not.