To want to go out with DH and avoid hosting a huge family dinner?

[BulstrodeTheApatosaurus]

Hi,
My first AIBU!
We have two small DSs (4 and 2) and live away from our family. Last december DH's father died (very sudden and sad) and now my MIL jaunts around the country helping her 4 children out and keeping very busy (which we are very grateful for!). She promised us that she would visit every 6 weeks or so so DH and I could have a night out. She came in Feb which we spent together as a family, then quite early in April but we didn't go out because we also had DH's sister and her family with us (though they went out one night left us with their DS). She said then she would come again next weekend and give DH and I chance to have an evening out. Now DH's brother and his wife say they also want to come and see us the same weekend MIL will be there (but won't stay with us because they are allergic to cats) so will be in a hotel. They also have a 1 year old and apparently have to stick to a 'firm routine' (their words...).
MIL has now started asking DH what sort of things we could have on the Saturday night and how everyone could come around and we could roast a couple of chickens etc. which sounds very nice, but MIL lives 30 minutes away from DH's brother so sees them all the time and I frankly just want two hours away from the house with my husband without the kids so we can have a drink in peace. Both SILs are due with babies in the next few weeks so I don't think we'll be seeing MIL again until August and both SILs also have other family that help them. We only have MIL as my family live in North America.
Am I being unreasonable to suggest we have a nice family lunch (say around 2 in the afternoon) with lots of things to pick at on a table and then DH and I can go out for a couple of hours once the kids are in bed?
(PS, I do know I sound horribly selfish!)

YANBU

If this is what DH wants too, ask him to tell his mother.

You are not being selfish. It is not selfish to decided to want to do something different to what everyone else wants, it is just opinion. Just say how you feel, you would like a night out with your DH alone.

Tell your BIL and SIL you have made plans for this weekend but could come and visit them X weekend.

YANBU - ask for it "instead" of a present, maybe, to make it more special for MIL??

"I know it's a big thing to ask, but I'd really appreciate being able to have an adult night out with my husband to reaffirm how much I love him"

boak

I think suggesting you have the get-together at lunchtime is perfect especially as you say the visiting 1yo has a 'firm routine' as that will probably mean that they'll need to be back at the hotel for bathtime and bedtime.

Not in the least bit selfish. My family do the collective swoop thing and I find it annoying. I would rather have enough chairs and time to chat properly than for them all to come en masse. Hope you get your date.

just do it.

Thanks Folks!!
Didn't get the chance to reply at the time but this gave me the confidence to tell DH to talk to his mother and let us go out!!
Now just have to poke him firmly in the ribs so he actually does it.