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AIBU to think this is inappropriate? DH & DD contact...

4 replies

HelpMeWanda · 28/04/2011 17:58

Soon-to-be-XH and I reached agreement on Monday about the details of the divorce - maintenance, the house, and visitation with DD (2yo).

Up until now he has been restricted to supervised access in a public place only - due to his violent behaviour with the police being called, and his cutting DD's hair off after an argument with me. On Monday we agreed that I would trust him conditional to him finding a suitable, safe place within 15 mins of home that I inspect to ensure it's safe for DD. While he does this, he takes DD for an hour on Tues and Thurs afternoons and gives her supper before we do the handover and head home for bath & bed.

Today was the second unsupervised visit. He was 20 mins late arriving - he texted to say that the agent who had shown him a property had another he might like, so I said OK and took DD to the library. STBXH arrived and took DD in her pushchair off for some pasta, and I did some nice ham shopping for my Dukan diet which started today. So far so good.

At handover time, I'm waiting in the car and checking my watch... five, ten mins go by with no DD. I then spy him pushing her buggy slowly down the hill with a woman by his side - he sees me, says something to her and she ducks behind a tree! He saunters over to the car and when I ask him who that was he replies "a friend" he'd met online. I was shocked- I knew he'd been on online dating sites just three days after we separated three months ago but didn't think he was at "meet the children" stage with anyone... I told him I thought that was completely inappropriate as he only has 2 hours a week with DD as it is, and IMHO he should devote his attention to her - and not be using her as a pick-up tool on an internet date!! He ignored me and walked off after I repeated that this was unacceptable, and now I am fuming...

The thing is, I am not jealous at all - I am sad and concerned for DD, because I KNOW that he is just using her for his own selfish purposes and she is going to get hurt... however he is her father so what do I do? Can I do anything? Did I overreact or was I right to be shocked?

OP posts:

wannaBe · 28/04/2011 18:00

it seems inappropriate, but tbh no, there is nothing you can do.


LaurieFairyCake · 28/04/2011 18:02

It's sad that dd is not getting his full attention for that time but no, there is no real reason to object.


Birdsgottafly · 28/04/2011 18:08

I would worry more about wether he is now controlling his temper than this woman. It depends on how good a judge of character he is and wether he views your DD interests to be paramount.

I would keep the visits to short ones still. There is no real eson why she yet has to be there. It also depends how good a relationship your ex and your DD has.


squeakytoy · 28/04/2011 18:46

I would say if he has a new woman he is trying to impress, he is likely to behave like a model doting daddy if she is there when he sees your daughter.

Look on the positive sides of this, and it will make it easier.

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