So after a particularly nasty phone call, I am sitting here fuming about my in-laws attitude and behavior towards me, and towards their son, my partner. I am currently 24 weeks pregnant with little boy, our first, I might add.
Summed up, this is the problem:
I have been with my partner for 7 years, and up until 3 years ago he had some quite serious issues with illegal substances of the worst kind. I never condoned his behavior, nor fell into using at all, and always tried to do my best to help and to keep the communication lines open with his family.
Fast forward a few years and intensive rehab and my partner is a model citizen and near-damn-perfect partner, I am so glad I trusted my instincts and stayed with him, I love him more and more each day, and he makes me so happy. I trust him more and more and he is forever outdoing himself, in terms of patience, kindness and loving.
In order to try and make amends with his family, and to regain their trust, he works for their family business (although his father makes an excuse to cut his wages monthly). His parents, although severely uneducated, have worked hard and are quite well-off. I am from a totally different background, my parents both have P.h.d's and I have a degree and am self-employed, working from home (or as they have said, just sit on my backside all day). They look down on me because I don't earn a huge salary or drive a car (they have 5 Mercedes), and his mother always likes to comment on my weight. I feel like screaming "Okay, I'm not a size 8, I am 5 months pregnant, and guess what, you have managed to raise a former-drug addict and a a morbidly obese kid who has diabetes. Well done you, bitch" angry!!! Might I add that his brother was failing school until I offered to tutor him for free in my spare time, and his grades went from D's to B+'s. Did I hear a thank you from them? Did I bollocks. His mother is still rude and distant towards me, although she was his greatest enabler, just like she is with her second son. My partners father is a cold, verbally aggressive bully who seems to specialize in swearing, putting his sons down and controlling their lives. Obviously, one of the factors that made drugs so appealing to my partner was escaping from his father's control, and his mother made it very easy by providing him with plenty of cash. That is not to say that they are to blame for his addictions. As crappy people as they are, they aren't to blame. My partner takes full responsibility for his actions but, to this day, they have never admitted that they could have done things differently, and still bring up the subject and use it to make him feel worthless!
Okay, I'm going on a bit, but this is the thing:I have kept my mouth shut this whole time, have never criticized his family, because I know that he loves them and desperately wants their approval, but his mum's snide remarks, his father's rudeness, their general lack of care and support during this pregnancy, and their general negativity have just gotten too much for me. I don't think I can stand sitting through another meal just taking the insults. My partner has never stood up to them, is always trying to please them, and can't see anything wrong with their behavior. Should I say something? I don't want to allow this once my son is born, should I make a stand now? What should I say/do?? I am not terribly confrontational, and do not want to upset my partner, nor make him chose between me and his family? Please help, I feel stuck and it's ruining what is otherwise, the happiest I have ever been sad