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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's a bit shit to do this or am I over sensitive ATM?

31 replies

unsurevalentine · 28/04/2011 13:17

Good friends invited me and my DC?s to stay this weekend, many months ago.
To watch the Royal Wedding etc etc.. My OH is away for a long time with
the forces. I am really struggling with this atm and am trying to keep as
busy as possible and turned down several other invites after I accepted
their invitation. Kids are really excited about going.

Had a phone msge today saying that basically they have had loads of other
friends saying in the past few weeks and would like a quiet weekend and
would we mind not coming. I said while I understand the kids would be
really disappointed and it would have been good to have the heads up a few
days ago so I could have arranged to do something else (as now all other
friends have made plans and we will spend the next 4 days alone.

AIBU and a bit over sensitive to feel this is really selfish and to feel
really upset and disappointed and down about having yet another long
weekend on my own?

OP posts:
BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 28/04/2011 13:20

That's pretty shit of them to let you know at the last minute, but I think you're prob a bit sensitive about this too.

Call them back, to say how sorry you are that they've been inundated with guests, and let them know you were looking forwards to it, maybe invite them over for a day or two?

LadyInTheRadiat0r · 28/04/2011 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarsaparilllla · 28/04/2011 13:21

Aw, yes that is really a bit shit :(

Could you go back to the people who's invitaitons you previously turned down and see if you can still meet up, even if they have plans you could join in?

Groovee · 28/04/2011 13:22

I'd be upset if that happened to me. YANBU they are being Unreasonable.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 28/04/2011 13:26

YANBU - that would be a shitty thing to do if your DH was here, let alone when he's not. Not to mention the fact that I'd never find having friends come and stay 'too much' - (inlaws on the other hand Hmm).

Definitely do a 'call around' to see what others are up to - I'm sure none of them would mind you joining in now you are at a loose end and I'm sure they'd all be upset to find out afterwards you had just stayed at home! Don't be a silly, give them a call!

mouseanon · 28/04/2011 13:31

YANBU, that's a bit mean. I must admit there have been times we've had guests when I've felt like I'd really rather not just then but you just get on with it don't you. It's really rude to just cancel. Usually it ends up being enjoyable anyway. I hope you find something else to do, I'd call back the other invites too.

oranges · 28/04/2011 13:31

that is a bit crappy but agree you should call round and go somewhere else.

squeakytoy · 28/04/2011 13:33

You are not being unreasonable to be a bit upset and feel let down, but it could be that there is more to their reason for cancelling (ie, a big argument, ill health) that they dont want to go into the details of at the moment, and the are trying to be vague.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/04/2011 13:34

YANBU - it;s a bit shitty to cancel at this short notice esp with the excuse that they need a quiet one coz they have had other friends over - could they have not just had you over as arranged and had a quiet one after that??

My sis and her kids are coming to stay this weekend which I need like I need a hole in the head but her kids are excited and I wouldnt dream of cancelling!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 28/04/2011 13:49

YANBU. I don't give a fuck if they need a bit of quiet time or whatever they've called it - your dh is off serving his country ffs. It would have been shit of them to cancel a fortnight ago, let alone at the last minute.

Call your friends whose invitations you declined - explain you turned them down because you'd already accepted another invitation but they the selfish fuckers have cancelled on you.

I suppose, giving the selfish bastards the benefit of the doubt - they might be having some kind of secret family crisis and are lying about wanting a quiet weekend. Maybe Hmm

Having said all that, me and my friends have been crap at organising anything at all and are now all regretting it. I bet you have some friends who are as rubbish as us who'd gladly come over to yours with some Lambrini Champagne and Iceland party platters canapes and a bit of bunting, for a last minute knees up. Worth a try. I'd come Grin

CareyFakes · 28/04/2011 13:51

YANBU, that is a bit shit tbh. I'd be upset and I'm an anti-social bastard.

Can you not organise something for you and the DC's? Have a little carpet picnic or decorate the house a little? Get some food in, make a little day of it?

mossi · 28/04/2011 14:31

I think uninviting people is very rude - unless there's a good reason. There isn't a good reason here - they just can't be arsed.

bubblecoral · 28/04/2011 14:40

YANBU. How very rude and selfish of them!

Could you maybe call one of the others that invited you to something and see if the offer still stands?

Eglu · 28/04/2011 14:41

YANBU, it is rude to uninvite somebody anyway, except in case of illness or similar, but to do it at the last minute is dreadful.

GloriaSmut · 28/04/2011 14:44

That's very mean. If they were in any doubt about the invitation they should have cancelled much, much earlier. So sorry to hear you will be alone this weekend, it's not fair given that you turned down other invitations.

Dozer · 28/04/2011 14:52

yanbu, but ywbu to not try to arrange something else.

GreenPetal94 · 28/04/2011 15:10

It is unreasonable to cancel and I can see you will be upset, but i wonder if there is a reason they are not telling you. Maybe your friend is very stressed out over something personal? When I have had mental health problems, miscarriages etc we have cancelled a few people from staying. If you are close friends then maybe try and deal with this and get together another time.

moondog · 28/04/2011 15:13

That's not nice.
I know how it is to be home with little kids for days on end with husband away. Very hard work.
Can you invite someone over to you?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 28/04/2011 15:16

YANBU. I cannot bear people who change arrangements, I like to know exactly what I'm doing. Excepting a crisis or some other mitigating circumstances then you should stick to whatever plans you've made when they involve others.

SarahBumBarer · 28/04/2011 15:25

YANBU - and not at all oversensitive. THEY on the other hand are either insensitive horrors or there is something more to it. I hope your DC are not too disappointed and you all find something nice to do.

starfishmummy · 28/04/2011 15:35

YANBU. Its very rude of them, unless they are ill (which clearly they aren't). I would suspect that they have had an invite somewhere themselves, which would annoy me - I'm a first in the diary is what I do, sort of person.

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 28/04/2011 15:41

yanbu

I quite often find myself thinking "actually I am far too tired/depressed/behind on housework/foodless to have friends over" but you just don't DO that to friends! Especially not at such short notice.

Unless of course there is an emergency or something... But I assume if that was the case they would have told you the truth.

Maryz · 28/04/2011 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
unsurevalentine · 28/04/2011 16:15

I don't know if they would've told me if it was something else actually as there have been a few incidents where they have kept me in the dark about (big) stuff recently which sadly has left me questionsing the validity of our friendship and leaves me wondering why I am bothering with it at all.

Good friends don't lie to each other or let each other down.

OP posts:
olderyetwider · 28/04/2011 16:16

Pretend you didn't get the message and turn up anyway. She'll be far too embarrassed to send you away. Grin

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