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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that "slut" is not a term which should be used about any woman...

51 replies

Vallhala · 27/04/2011 23:44

... especially not by a candidate for election?

BBC news

I despise terms such as "slut" and find them deeply misogynistic. Sadly I've seen them used here on MN too on occasion and wonder what the hell women think they're doing to society's view of the female population when they use such expressions.

To call a woman or group of women a slut/sluts is unforgivable even when said by the average person in the street IMO. Surely it's even more so when said by someone who aims to be elected into power.

AIBU to hope that this man never gets the chance to stand for a position of influence in the community again?

OP posts:
ifancyashandy · 28/04/2011 08:34

Cantspell neither of those things are slutty to all people. To you maybe. That's your judgement. But that doesn't make it so.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 28/04/2011 08:43

"Having a lot of sex and enjoying sex is not slutty but having drunken sex in a shop doorway with some bloke you don't even know the name of after a night on the lash is."

Does that apply to the man as well? Hmm

cantspel · 28/04/2011 08:50

ifancyashandy yes they are my judgements. We all make our own judgements some others agree with and some they dont.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs Yes that applies to a man as well.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 28/04/2011 09:24

Well at least you're consistent.

What annoys me most about the word 'slut' is that there is no male equivalent. I don't particularly like the word but that really does wind me up, the double standards.

maighdlin · 28/04/2011 09:25

YANBU i don't like the use of slut in that way. I use slut all the time but in the old fashioned way and in reference to myself. e.g "i'm such a slut. I have had a full ironing basket for a week". I don't like the modern use of slut because it stigmatises a woman who enjoys sex and confers the double standard upon women. A man has sex with ten women he's stud (all positive go you etc.) a woman has sex with ten men she is a slut (negative dirty worthless etc)

bemybebe · 28/04/2011 09:49

I think both words "cunt" and "slut" are vile.
Val you are using a derogatory term for female sexual organ to describe all the evil of this world, how is that "better"?

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 28/04/2011 09:55

It's not just this fuckwit man's use of a particular word, it's the whole of what he said that makes him a needledick woman-hating loser totally unfit for public office. He is saying that all the women in his local area are sexually promiscuous bad people and inferior.
WHich does of course strongly sugest that he is Not Getting Any but hasn't worked out that this is because he hates women and his local female population are a lot smarter than he gives them credit for.

cantspel · 28/04/2011 10:00

i cant understand why women use the word cunt against their cheating/generally being an arsehole husbands. Is your vagina the lowest thing you can think of?

Shakirasma · 28/04/2011 10:04

Oxford English dictionary definition of slut is 'A slovenly or promiscuous woman'

Maybe different localities use the word differently but ive never heard anyone in real life object to the word, and round here it is occasionally used to describe men too. It is an insult, but I think It describes perfectly the married women who leave their kids at home with their husbands every Saturday night while they tramp down to Chicago Rock and throw themselves at man after man until they find one willing to give them a bang up the alleyway.

Unless anyone can think of a better word?

marmaladetwatkins · 28/04/2011 10:08

I'm not keen on it but if there were a male equivalent I wouldn't be so Hmm about it. It's not just about women enjoying sex as far as I can make out. There are people who engage in, ahem, sexual practices that make my toes curl, men and women. I don't think of men as "studs" if they've managed to bed ten women in a month. I think they're probably iffy and a bit skanky with massive self-esteem issues.

cantspel · 28/04/2011 10:09

I would call them a slut too but many of the right on lovies who frequent mn would say she is just enjoying her sexuality and some how making a feminist statement.

marmaladetwatkins · 28/04/2011 10:11

"It is an insult, but I think It describes perfectly the married women who leave their kids at home with their husbands every Saturday night while they tramp down to Chicago Rock and throw themselves at man after man until they find one willing to give them a bang up the alleyway."

Blush
marmaladetwatkins · 28/04/2011 10:12

That was a guilty laugh because I laughed at Shakira's comment and NOT because I swan off to Chicago Rock's every saturday looking for alleyway funtimes.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 28/04/2011 10:29

"slut" was not originally a word which referred to a woman's sexual behaviour. It used to mean "a slovenly woman".

My mother uses quite old-fashioned language sometimes, and once called me a "slut" for being untidy!

porcamiseria · 28/04/2011 10:34

YANBU abouit that vile shitty little turd man, UGH

but dont ban the word slut, very useful sometimes

nijinsky · 28/04/2011 10:57

Insults and abusive terms should be taken in the context which they are said. This chap was complaining, on his FB page, that he couldn't find a woman to settle down with as even the outwardly respectable looking ones were [insert term - I don't use that word].

He is 21! While I know I will be accused of turning this into a cultural issue, it is not difficult to agree with RobF "Is he a Muslim? There's a worrying trend for young Muslim men to see white women as sluts because their own women are kept covered up and asexualised." Although not necessarily Muslim. Although Jack Straw was castigated for claiming that there is a tendency in young mixed race men in gangs to prey on white teenagers for casual sex, there is some truth in it.

Most of the type of British women he seems to be looking for (i.e. respectable) aren't looking to settle down at the age of 21. So he shows a strange and worrying attitude if he sees them as [insert term]. Whereas to anyone who is more well adjusted, they are just normal women going about their lives.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 29/04/2011 09:46

People who think that other people are having 'too much sex' should have 'Sexualy dysfunctional idiot' tattooed on their foreheads so the rest of us can avoid copping off with them.
Because being obsessed with how much sex other people have and wanting to make them stop doing so invariably means you are crap in bed yourself.

carabos · 29/04/2011 10:04

What does "a woman who enjoys sex" look like?

WassaAxolotlEgg · 29/04/2011 10:08

Carabos

Happy?

carabos · 29/04/2011 10:13

Wassa
Unless she enjoys it but can't get it....!

cory · 29/04/2011 10:14

agree with everybody else: big difference between derogatory term for "woman who has sex when we think she shouldn't" (slut/slag) and derogatory term for "man who uses the fact that he is a man to exploit a woman" (cock-lodger)

surely we could find a derogatory term for a woman who neglects her children without needing to speculate on how much sex she is having: neglecting your children for sex is no worse than neglecting them for drink or for fashion or for a passion for tropical fish; sex is not germane to the issue

otoh a cock-lodger is someone who is able to exploit a woman precisely because of his male status (= cock)

cory · 29/04/2011 10:15

cantspel Thu 28-Apr-11 08:20:08
"Heels and mini skirt isn't dressing slutty but heels and mini skirt and no knickers is.
Having a lot of sex and enjoying sex is not slutty but having drunken sex in a shop doorway with some bloke you don't even know the name of after a night on the lash is.

You might not like the fact that is is judgemental but everyone judges everyone else by what they wear and now they behave and this place is no exception."

And what about the bloke who has sex with her in this same doorway? Have you ever speculated on why you do not feel the need for a derogatory term for him?

WassaAxolotlEgg · 29/04/2011 10:15

Good point! Perhaps she would then be found in the, ahem, gadget section of Ann Summers?

carabos · 29/04/2011 10:17

Wassa
would that be the "gadgets for sluts" section? The "iSlut"?

plusRoyalisteQuUneEmigree · 29/04/2011 10:19

The trouble is that the person in this article was very young - 21 at the time of writing, which must mean he was about 20 when he used the term. He evidently has little judgement (and does not really respect the people he wanted to "represent"). However, that just means we know what he thinks, and he is getting his ideas from somewhere.

His ideas are pretty nasty, too. 'Mr Tamiz claimed it was "impossible to find someone with morals and a bit of self-respect".

'He continued: "It's the ones that look respectable and decent but underneath it all are complete sluts that you got to watch out for."'

So he blames women for not being what HE and only HE wants! I suppose he wants all women to be virgins until HE decides whether he fancies them and wants to marry them. Then the other women will be released to behave as they wish with other men. Imagine: the whole world his, and only his, harem! No wonder he is disappointed.