To want them to take a long walk off a short cliff?

[GapsAGoodUn]

For the second time I have found out that I am going to be an auntie through the medium of facebook - not a private message but on my SIL's wall.

Last time (DN is one next month) I threw a bit of a strop got really upset at how impersonal it felt. I wasn't asking for anything special btw, just a quick private message at the same time as telling the world would have been fine.

I don't want to be accused of drip feeding but this is my first AIBU (even though I've been posting for ages - am scared!) and I don't want to bore you with too much backstory.

SIL is the same age as my DB. They are both Drs in the PhD sense (and look down at me 'cos I only have a standard postgrad degree), he works full time, she is SAHM - and I don't have a problem with that, I am one myself.

What pisses me off rankles* is the fact that she deliberately ignores me whenever possible, has basically cut me off and I've done nothing. I'm not feisty IRL in fact I would say I was nice to the point of boring. I've bought them lovely stuff and received no acknowledgement. Not even when I sent a box of goodies worth over 350squid, given them pushchairs that were like new etc.

I haven't seen my DN yet. Despite asking to visit, for her to visit etc. I fully accept that they live a long way in Northern Scotland, but her parents lived less than 20 miles from my home (former home in the UK) and they visit there about often (facebook again).

Just before Christmas we told everyone that we were moving to Australia for a couple of years with my DH's work (it wasn't really a choice - more you need to go and sort this out type of thing).

At Christmas I'd hoped to see them. They were coming to see my mum and they managed to arrange that we'd be leaving to visit my MIL on the day that they arrived. Ok I thought, an hour is fine. Enough for a quick catch up, a cuddle of the baby.

Then the day before they called to say they wouldn't be up in time. They needed to see a friend and wouldn't arrive therefore until we'd gone. We couldn't leave later (had a long drive to Scotland, ferry to NI) and so we still didn't see them.

DB insisted we'd meet up before we flew out to Australia.

We didn't.

So; and if you've managed not to drop off yet - well done; am I being unreasonable to think they should try to keep me in the loop? AIBU to feel hurt?

*Actually, it doesn't rankle. It makes me so sad I am crying.

Why is it her that has cut you off and not your DB? Carn't you speak to him about how you feel, or at least your mum? If you say nothing they may think that you are not interested.

I wouldn't be giving them any more stuff.

arer you sure they are not really pissed off at your reaction last time and are avoiding you? sounds petty if they are. (reasonable to expect db to tell you she's expecting... )

wierd [cconfused]

I'm sorry you're so sad. Families are funny sometimes. I think some men are crap at keeping in contact with family and some women aren't bothered about making any effort with their in laws. Sad if you are bothered but there's not a lot you can do so I would say you need to detach a bit. My brother is rubbish so I have stopped trying very hard. I see him and his wife from time to time at my parents', I love him and get on fine but we're not close any more. We're both ok with that, though and have close friends as substitute family.

You sound really nice, hope you have a wonderful time in Australia.

Definitely stop contacting them, and let them see what you are up to Facebook, for a change. Actually, try to think about them as little as possible; this resentment could make you bitter, especially if they are not bothered when you return from Australia...

I just wouldn't bother about them. They don't sound interested, maybe they are the sort of people who place friends before family, maybe they think they live too far away. I don't think theres anything wrong per se with finding out on FB about being an aunty if you're not that close to them. Theres no rule that they have to behave in a certain way, although not being very thankful for the presents was rather rude.

As for them being PHD doctors - they live and work in the North of Scotland FGS. Its not exactly central London. I'm a lawyer and I've had PHD doctors try to get arsy with me and I just point out to them that in my proffession, we don't have to do PHDs to get anywhere, because its a proper proffession. Suggest you subtly point that out to them if they try the snooty PHD thing!

Thanks everyone for your messages. I think you are right and I just need to let it go, we were so close right up until he got married - used to speak at least a couple of times a week, visit each other, go to theatre/concerts together even while living 200 miles apart.

Ah well.

Moving on