H has appointment booked for the snip

[vole3]

He's 46 and I'm 40.
Not planning to have any more due to age and I'm on medicaiton for arthritis that means I cannot get pregnant for 2 years after stopping it. DS is 4, and whilst the light of my life, can be a little sod cheeky little monkey.
In an ideal world I would have loved to give DS a sibling, but realise that it cannot happen.
So why am I upset that he is taking the decision away from me regarding family planning?

Because it's so final.

Are you not in agreement about the snip?

It's something you should both discuss thoroughly.

Although saying that, dh said "I'm having the snip" and I said "Thank you!"

Because it's a decision you should make together.

That said - vasectomy is the way to go. You cannot have a baby right now without risking it's health (you're on immuno-suppressants I assume?) or your own. You are 40, your husband is 46. In not trying to have anymore dcs you are making a sensible decision but it's always hard to shut a door.

DH had a vasectomy a couple of months ago, I was all for it but I still have moments of doubt because it is so final. Though I suppose I could have more children if I wanted to - would just have to find another man

dh announced last summer that he'd booked a vasectomy. i was a bit gobsmacked (dc3 was a few months old) even though we had vaguely talked about it, it seemed very final and i didn't feel ready for it. on the other hand i totally understood his reasons and knew he was right. but i still had almost a grieving process for the 4th child i/we will never have.

and even now, a year down the line, when i worry every month that his snip might have reversed itself (can happen apparently) and feel totally horrified at the thought of being accidentally pregnant, i still feel a bit sad about it at the same time.

We dithered and dithered over DH having the snip, neither of us being quite ready to close the door so finally on another baby. Then we had a pregnancy "scare." Came to nothing, as it turned out, except he was down at the GP's like a shot, to book himself in!

Is there any chance that you will be stopping medication in the near future? If yes, then in two years time you would be 42 and still able to have a baby. If you think that is something you want, then ask DH to hold off on the vasectomy.

Otoh, if you know that you are going to be on medication for a long time and so a baby is not a realistic option, then DH having the snip is going to make no difference to your options. It will just be giving you the freedom not to worry.

My DH had one a year or so ago. We have 4 DC, and were clear that we were not planning to have any more, but I still feel a pang when I see a newborn and know that those days are gone for me. It's a natural feeling, especially if you would have quite liked another.

Doesn't help that a family friend is overdue for her baby.....
As you say it's the finality of it. H is an only child, but I have 7 siblings. Also having an elderly mum who is now needing more support, at least we can share the responsibility, whereas DS will not have that