Royal broadcast with humour. Not Gabby Logan or Dimbleby. (they want to keep their jobs.)

[GabbyLagoon]

I have a good imagination; so I dont have to wait until Friday. Formal occasions lack humour; because broadcasters are afraid of the top brass. I cant loose my job Here goes, the ref has blown his whistle . their off....

" Its a blustery fine day outside the Abby. The big cars are starting to arrive. Out steps David Camerooney in his frock coat. To be fair to the PM it is more like a coat than a frock......

Elton John is runnag across the frontage. He shouts to the crowd "I am
still standing.". A wag shouts back " you will be sitting next to a foreign dictator,Elton." He chuckles and gallops towards the big doors."

Who is this? Its richard Branson , hes turned up in a Smart car. Security
have a word with him.....The police are controlling the crowd with a light touch....only one tazering.

This is amazing, a pitbull type dog is trying to have a pee against a parked Daimler. Security move in at a tremendous speed. Sections of the crowd
start woof-woofing. They are clearly dog lovers. Hope the dog does not do a number 1.....

Gabby Logan and the 5-Live crowd are here in force. Gabby is wearing
a pinkish tight-fitting gown with a cloche hat. Richard Bacon is dressed informally; string tie and suede shoes....enough about them.

Rumours are flying about Kates frock. It is said to be green, and more like a dress than the Prime Ministers frock coat.

A security man approaches me. Says where are you from Sir...I reply
Mumsnet my man...he trembles and walks away. Wife and 3 kids to support. Bless him.

An enormous car arrives....Ed Miliband pops out. Stroking his nose tenderly. Some in the crowd smile and wave. Ed waves back...and disappears. (MI5, I suppose.)

Its starting to rain just a shower. William Winsor pops out and shouts "Chaps and chappesses we are suspending the event until the shower passes."

I reach for my flask pleased of the break. No sweat , its only a shower...
Normals service will be resumed

Gabby Lagoon Mumsnet poster breaking for vittles

[usualsuspect]

Ooh how a Gabby thread cheers me up

makes a refreshing change from the tedious endless MIL threads

[QuelleLeJeff]

Hello Gabby, old bean. You really made me laugh with Richard Bacon wearing a string tie and suede shoes.

[QuelleLeJeff]

Oh and I'm so sorry to hear about the cancer Gabby. I truly am.

[GabbyLagoon]

Tether... there were top negotians with a head honcho. I agreed to keep it confidential. These things happen when things hot up. No harm done.

there was a bit of press interest in my fun wedding report. It needs finishing later. ICamerons frock coat is more like a coat than a frock cheers

[nortine]

What have I said that is libellious?

[GabbyLagoon]

thanks for support...fans, eh. wow

[QuelleLeJeff]

(I'm usually ShirleyKnot by the way and I am definitely a "fan" haha)

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

In all seriousness, I'd quite like Graham Norton to do a Eurovision-style commentary as an alternative.

[simara]

There's a petition on Facebook for Chris Kamara to commentate on the royal wedding, now that is something I would like to see.

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

Unfortunately, I don't know who Chris Kamara is. I'm probably too old or something. Off to Google ...

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

Ah. I see. Although I have never heard of him [cblush]

I think I'd still prefer Graham Norton.

[Chil1234]

As ever, anyone daring to suggest that Gabby makes no sense is immediately attacked in the most insulting and bizarre manner. My opinion of you Gabbyloggon is based on the utter rubbish you write and has nothing to do with politics whatsoever. You're not 'funny' or even 'fun'. If you don't like criticism, stop posting crap. But don't stoop to irrelvant and personal insults like suggesting I inscribe things on my arse.

BTW anyone who things 'Gabby' is a harmless old bloke with cancer should think again because none of it's true. From the vitriol and lies he sends my way I can assure you he's an extremely nasty, misogynistic, deluded piece of work and deserves to be given a wide berth.

[QuelleLeJeff]

Are you accusing him of sending you hateful PM's?

[Chil1234]

I have very good reasons for not thinking the man is as harmless as he cracks on and I shall leave it at that.

[QuelleLeJeff]

Oh this is bad. I think you need to either spit it out or retract it TBH.

This is bad form Chil and you know it. Bad Form. If he has been sending you inappropriate PM's then you need to report it and he will be banned - you know that.

[TethersEnd]

I'm so curious I might burst.

[TethersEnd]

[JamieAgain]

Chil - report then. I know we've discussed this before

[JamieAgain]

Quelle - I thought there was someone talking uncommonly good sense on the other thread. Why the name change? Was attached to ShirleyKnot

[HairyBeaver]

LOL that story didn't even make sense! Fruitloop alert

[catchmeifyoucan]

Agrees with chil. Gabby is about as funny as stepping in fresh cat shit and that, trust me, is never funny.

[QuelleLeJeff]

I like a change now and again Jamie (is that YOU Jamie?)

I'm going to have to retire Shirls soon I think. My children know I am she and that makes me more than a little uncomfortable!

[JamieAgain]

It's me.

And I quite understand

[ScousyFogarty]

wHO ARE THESE GEEZERS? They sound like posters from a distant past Ships that passed in the night