Using the 'n word' in front of my toddler

[cantseemytoes]

The background is that I have a fairly tense relationship with my DP's mother. We never fight and we're always polite but we're definitely not close.

While visiting her at Easter I left the room to feed my 8 week old and DP's mother didn't know that I could hear their conversation. And she used the 'n word' in front of my 2.2 year old DS. I was utterly horrified but by the time I had really realised what had been said the moment had passed to say anything.

So am I being unreasonable in being really really annoyed? And if not, what do I do? Ignore it, or a quiet word that it is really unacceptable to say it, never mind in front of a toddler who repeats everything he hears? For the record, he didn't repeat it but I don't think that's the point. And it's pointless to suggest that my DP has a word with her - he never pulls her up on anything and I've given up expecting him to. If anything is going to be done about this, it's going to have to be done by me!

I'm at a loss to know why that word is in anyone's vocabulary, let alone use it in front of a child. So I wouldn't be at all tolerant nor prepared to allow that there is any excuse for saying it.

My mother would occasionally, when in her eighties and I now realise not as mentally sharp as she had been, refer to black people as "darkies" but she'd always apologise when I pointed out how inappropriate and insulting this expression was. The fact that society appears to have been almost casually racist in her youth was no excuse.

The N word is so much more worse than c**t, I remember a few years ago a black woman got booted off big brother because she used that word, and they said the C word quite frequently!

What on earth were they talking about for that word to come into conversation anyway!?!

You can, BigSouz, there's nothing to stop you, but if your request isn't heeded no matter how firmly you put it, what then? IME adult humans don't always obligingly do as they have been asked because others want them to/think they should IYSWIM.

By coincidence, just after I'd written the post above I clicked on this one.

The main part (FIL smacking) is not the pertinent bit it was the opening few sentences which interested me. There a parent had clearly told a family member that their choice of language was unacceptable but it doesn't appear to have stopped him.

I'm cool with the consequences - ie that you won't see my DC again until you stop influencing them with these offensive terms but it seems to me so often on MN that most would claim that you can't refuse to let the DC see their GP and it isn't right etc etc.

What then? You stop seeing her.

I wouldnt mix with people who used the N word. It would be a deal breaker for me.

You should have said something there and then, in my opinion. The fact that she's using it in front of a child is irrelevant, as she shouldn't be saying it at all.

I've pulled up my MIL on much less offensive, racist chat like that.

Zero tolerance from me on racism!