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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel (a bit) taken advantage of?

25 replies

MrsDaDeDee · 27/04/2011 14:48

AIBU to expect that when I drove a car full of people (adults) on a 200 mile trip to a theme park at least one person would offer me some money for petrol? Or am I being a moody cow?

The theme park (Oakwood in Pembrokeshire) is completely inacessable by public transport there was even a conversation on the way there about how if I wasn't driving we would have had to get a train and the taxi from the nearest station is £45. I am the only person in the group who has a car so I felt I had to offer to drive, and I wouldn't mind at all if someone had said thanks or given me some petrol money. TBH i couldn't afford to go to the theme park at all but made the effort because it was my friend's 30th birthday and had someone else driven I certainly would have offered the person driving some money.

We had a really nice day and there is talk of going to thorpe park next month, which I would like to go but I think the assumption is that I'll drive again. They are usually a lovely group of friends so I don't know if I'm just over reacting. I hate confrontation so should I just let it all go?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 27/04/2011 14:50

Well if you didnt say "I dont mind driving so long as everyone chips in with petrol money" before you set off, then more fool you.

deemented · 27/04/2011 14:51

YANBU

And don't let it go at all - petrol/diesel is bloody extortionate nowadays and you need to cover costs - next time open your mouth and tell them that they'll have to chip in a tenner each for petrol.

Hammy02 · 27/04/2011 14:52

I would have asked for the money. Just by saying something like, 'Petrol has come to £80 so I work that out at £20 each, is that OK with everyone?' Good friends wouldn't bat an eyelid. You aren't a free taxi service and certainly shouldn't be out of pocket just because you were the designated driver.

pingu2209 · 27/04/2011 14:52

I agree with squeakytoy - you are the fool not to have said before you set off that the petrol is X so split 4 ways that means £x from each of you please.

Insomnia11 · 27/04/2011 14:52

Ask for petrol money for Thorpe Park and e-mail them to ask them to bring £10 each for petrol for last time when they next see you.

You shouldn't have to ask though, frankly. YANBU.

millie30 · 27/04/2011 14:53

YANBU, I would have thought it common courtesy to offer, whether you asked or not. Just be firm next time and say you can only afford to drive there if everyone chips in.

ENormaSnob · 27/04/2011 14:53

Yadnbu

more fool you for letting it go.

Shame on them for taking advantage.

Original poster

MrsDaDeDee · 27/04/2011 14:53

You are all right. When I read it back i obviously should have said something but I just expected to not have to ask I think. :(

OP posts:

frgr · 27/04/2011 14:56

YABU.

You offered to drive. If you expected petrol money, you should have made it clear. Whether you can afford it or not doesn't come into it. Being absolutely up front is best.

I would probably have offered, but I have been in situations like yours before where the person I'm offering money to has actually been slightly offended that I'd offered, so for social things like that it's much less stressful to just be clear from the onset.

RoseC · 27/04/2011 14:57

YABU not to get the conditions set out beforehand but YANBU to expect something (maybe not from the birthday person) and they were being v rude not to offer anything. If you can't get anything in retrospect - are they the sort of people you could call and say, 'look I thought you would offer something, can you chip in please?' - then ring up whoever suggested the next trip and tell them flat out that, whilst you would love to drive, it is impossible without petrol money.

I spent two years as the only driver in a group of student friends (I was local so had a car) and they always offered money. I hate confrontation too but sometimes you just have to do it.

stabiliser15 · 27/04/2011 15:37

YANBU. It is awful that you were not offered anything from anyone but agree with the others that you probably should have said something. It is very difficult though, and I am the kind of person that worries so much about asking for something like that I either don't bother (and then inwardly fume) or apologise too much during the asking. Best way is to be very direct as Hamy02 said.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 27/04/2011 15:49

YANBU - they may have meant to offer but then forgot. I don't think it's too late to mention it now. If they are good friends they won't want to see you out of pocket.

saladfingers · 27/04/2011 15:57

I wouldn't call you a fool.Some people on here are so nasty! Some of us have respect for others and would always offer to share such costs and would expect others to do the same.I call it an optimistic belief in human nature(admittedly not all people are like me but my friends tend to be.)

I think in future you need to assume the worst of this group of 'friends' and explain the costs upfront.

YANBU

create · 27/04/2011 16:02

The thing is people who don't drive often just don't think about what it costs. They know what a taxi costs, but when it's your own car that's "free" isn't it?

Of course it's not, but they probably did just not think. If they want to go again you need to point out that "last time cost me £80? on petrol and sorry I can't afford to do that again" Hopefully that way they'll offer for next time with a bit extra to cover last time.

welshbyrd · 27/04/2011 16:16

You was very unreasonable to travel 200 miles Oakwood in the first place, its gone a dive and disgustingly expensive, since new owners took over, I live 10 mins from there, and you would not get me in there if it was free

YANBU to think someone would offer money for petrol, dam right rude

welshbyrd · 27/04/2011 16:18

And nearest train station is Haverfordwest, would have cost £15 in taxi not £45

Jaspants · 27/04/2011 16:20

YANBU at all - you should not have to ask for money - they should offer.

Jaspants · 27/04/2011 16:21

Actually if next trip is suggested then that is your chance to say something about it rather than let it annoy you.

200 mile round trip must have been around £50 petrol I'm guessing? That is a lot of money to most people.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 27/04/2011 16:21

Yes. Next time say that you need petrol money.

Or you will drive but they will pay for you to get in.

pregnantpause · 27/04/2011 16:21

YADNBU!
I would feel very taken advantage of if i were you! I think next time you'll have to ask up front- but what a horrible position for you to be in! They are friends! and adults! They KNOW that they should have chipped in, petrol costs a fortune! even if you dont drive youd have to live in the bottom of a deep hole to not know that petrol prices are high! Rude and inconsiderate of them!

jeckadeck · 27/04/2011 16:29

I don't think you've been a fool. I would never accept a lift in a car for a significant distance and not offer to cough up petrol money -- I think its quite bad manners not to offer, tbh. Having said that I think if you do want to go to Thorpe Park you should put your foot down next time and make it clear before you go that you can't afford to subsidize petrol.

Cat98 · 27/04/2011 16:32

Agree it is best to say something like "I'm happy to drive and we can all share the petrol cost" initially. I am surprised no-one offered though!

VajazzHands · 27/04/2011 16:32

YANBU

whatsallthehullaballoo · 27/04/2011 16:49

You are not a fool - you now know you should have brought it up! BUT maybe text everyone and ask for contribution to petrol and say that if they want you to drive again you need some money upfront because you will not have enough money otherwise. That way you will not feel like you have been taken advantage off and feel upset.

Come back and let us know how you get on if you do another trip!

ZillionChocolate · 27/04/2011 16:52

YANBU, they were rude not to offer. I would expect to share travel costs with my friends even though we are reasonably well off. In reality, for us that means taking it in turns to drive but I would definitely offer fuel money for a long trip.

Next time, incorporate it into the planning. EG "I've had a look and it's £x pp on the train or £Y pp in the car if 4 of us go". I wouldn't like to ask for the money but if you're skint then you should have a whinge and hope they cough up.

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