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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

not an AIBU but more are they...

14 replies

BumWiper · 27/04/2011 10:29

had a phone call this morning from a previous employer who is being taken to court under the family status act.he wants me to be a witness for them on the grounds that they never discriminated against me because i was pregnant.i had two children whilst working for them.
however it is documented that during my second pregnancy i was indeed discriminated against and recieved unwarrented comments from my manager with regard to antenatal appointments.

the employer is now a good friend of dh and when i reminded him that there were issues he asked me to 'just dont tell them'.i will be under oath and will not lie if asked.

OP posts:

hairylights · 27/04/2011 10:30

Yes they are bu.

agedknees · 27/04/2011 10:31

So the owner of the firm is asking you to lie under oath? TABU.

tulpe · 27/04/2011 10:32

They are absolutely BU. Do not allow yourself to be persuaded to lie under oath. If they were really good friends they wouldn't put you in that position.

compo · 27/04/2011 10:32

Just say you won't be a witness

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 27/04/2011 10:35

TABVVVVVVVVVU

Original poster

BumWiper · 27/04/2011 10:37

i said i would be when first approached about 20mths ago,but did not think it would go to court.now its got a court date.
he started going on about how this will mean the closure of the business,loss of his house,how his family would suffer etc.i would love to say well thats not my problem,but yes seems to spill out of my mouth involunteerily.

OP posts:

zikes · 27/04/2011 10:37

Say no, you won't be a witness. They are being very unfair and you should not lie. Refuse.

pineapple70 · 27/04/2011 10:37

Do not under any circumstances be coerced into lying under oath!!

Let them find someone else to lie for them!!!!!

Very unreasonable.

Xiaoxiong · 27/04/2011 11:21

Absolutely agree with everyone else. You sound very soft-hearted and I bet he knows this: he is talking about his family and losing his house to guilt-trip you. Do not let yourself be pressured into anything.

If you find it hard to assert yourself to a previous employer, and/or this guy is a friend of your DH and you don't want to make a big scene, make an appointment that clashes with the court date that cannot be changed. Then you will be able to truthfully say that you can't make it and can leave it at that. If you can't control the instinct to let people walk all over you, then you'll have to put yourself into a situation where you won't be able to "have yes spill out of your mouth involuntarily".

chelstonmum · 27/04/2011 12:10

I can see where you are coming from, im all to polite too, but if you allow yourself to lie (let's face it, you would be choosing to do so) then should the person taking the action against the company lose and choose to appeal you may find yourself served with a legal notice too. Where as if you simply say no now you end your involvement. x

Spenguin · 27/04/2011 12:12

He may claim he'll lose his business, house, etc.

If you lie for him and the other party loses...and therefore doesn't get the defendant ordered to pay the claimant's legal fees...won't that discriminated (most likely) claimant also be out of a lot of cash, time?

I wouldn't lie for him.

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 27/04/2011 12:21

I don't think you should lie and I don't think you should back out. You know that the person bringing the case to court has probably been discriminated against. Why on earth would you support discrimination that you yourself suffered? Friend or not, they cannot get away with treating people so badly. Shame on you of you don't go, even more shame if you lie.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 27/04/2011 12:27

TABU. Tell him that you will be a witness if necessary but that you will tell the truth including that they discriminated against you when you were pregnant. Am pretty sure they will decide you're not required as a witness after all.

Don't just arrange something else to do on the court date. If you are an important enough witness they might change the date to accommodate you. Better to make it clear now what you evidence would be if you were a witness.

AMumInScotland · 27/04/2011 12:27

I think you have two options, depending on whether you think friendship trumps honesty -

If friendship matters most, tell him that you will not lie under oath, and let him (and his lawyers) decide whether to call you or not.

If honesty matters most, turn up and tell the truth without worrying about the fact that it may cause him problems.

Either way, don't lie for him - its bad enough that people discriminate, without you siding with him against other victims.

Flip