to call time on my oldest friendship?

[pleatherette]

after at least a couple of years after getting more and more fed up with my "friend", I think I'm finally going to break contact.

We have been friends since school and she is my oldest, and was my most trusted friend. However, life has taken us is different directions and she is now married, with two kids whilst I am single, only myself to worry about. I've wondered if it's me, whether I'm not being sympathetic enough at how busy she is with two young children to bring up, obviously her life has changed and I have tried to appreciate that, however....

She never calls, well, she calls once every six months and when she does I find that all she talks about is what a pain it is that the full time nanny wants the afternoon off...

She then wants to commiserate with me about how badly the recession is affecting us when actually she has a good job and a husband who earns loads when I lost my job and ended up on benefits for 2 years....

She has never in the last 8 years come to stay with me overnight. I know she stays with family and with other friends who live around an hour away from me but they are people with kids and similar jobs and lives to her, and I can't help but think that my house is regarded as somehow not good enough and my singleton existence is regarded as a sign that I might keep empty pizza boxes on the floor in the living room or something (which I don't!)...

She never sends a birthday or Christmas card and anything I send to the kids or her is accepted without a word of thanks or appreciation....

I just don't know anything about her life anymore and she doesn't know anything about mine. I have moved much further away and got a new job and she hasn't called to see how it's going, I think we've got to the point where actually I'd rather not speak to her as I just end up annoyed afterwards, and it's just so obvious that we don't really have anything in common any more....

But still, she's been through a lot of changes in the last few years and I know it hasn't all been easy for her, in fact she's had some really tough times. AIBU to be really fed up with her lack of support? Should I cut her some slack because she's got kids and other things to worry about?

Just let the friendship go, you're not getting anything out of it any more.
THe thing is, it sounds as though you are looking for encouragement to get in touch with her and formally dump her as a friend.
Don't do it. There is no way to do this without looking like a total whanger.

She's a bitch. Find nicer friends.

No matter how close you may once have been, some relationships simply don't stand the test of time and changed circumstances.

When the negatives outweigh the positives and the other party fails to make me laugh or feel good about myself or feel good about being around them, I know it's time to move on.

You can mark this particular rite of passage by privately celebrating the relationship you once had with your former best friend - and then let it go. This act will hopefully free up some space on your mental hard drive (think of it as a virtual defrag) so that you can enjoy hanging out with the like-minded individual who is destined to become your new BF.

BTW, in relation to another current thread, as it's probable you don't own a wedding dress and as it's a bit short notice to beg, borrow, or steal a suitable outfit, please don't feel that you'll be underdressed if you slip into a Pleatherette number to watch the RW with other similarly inclined msnetters.

Thanks everyone, I'm not planning to go out with a bang, I think I'll stop guiltily reviving the friendship every few months and just let it slide....

Izzywhizzy, despite being generally anti wedding, I'm desperately overexcited about the RW and will attempt to run up a little pleatherette number for the occasion. More likely I will stick the telly on whilst in pyjamas and remain on the sofa for the duration....

If I can be arsed get out of bed at the appointed time it'll be you and me both in jammies, pleather [cgrin]

Its true that some friendships just peter out and its good to be able to accept that sometimes without souring things. Sometimes lives become so different as to make the friendship unsustainable. However, sometimes friendships just go dormant for a bit and can be revived later. I've had this happen to me several times where friendships have gone into deep freeze, so to speak, because we are at such different places in our lives, and are revived later down the line. Without knowing your friend its hard to say whether she is being deliberately dismissive or if you've just drifted apart so much that she's lost empathy. I would say don't confront your friend or look to have a row with her, just accept that at the moment your lives aren't really converging. But don't cut yourself off from the possibility that she could come back into your life in the future.