To wonder if I can really cope with a third child?

[Melissad]

I've just turned 38 and have two daughters aged 10 and 7. I found out that I was pregnant in December and after being shocked, got used to the idea and was happy about it. Then, at the 12 week scan, we discovered that I'd had a missed miscarriage and the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. Since then, I've been on the Mini Pill (micronor) and haven't missed a single pill and taken it at the same time each day etc... have felt sick and light headed and decided to take a test to make sure I wasn't pregnant. I thought it was side effects from the pill. The pregnancy test was positive. I took a Clearblue with conception indicator which puts it at 4+ weeks, but I haven't bled for about 6 weeks (not even sure if it was a 'real' period as had on/off bleeding with the Mini Pill), haven't a clue how far on I am.
Work supported me through my miscarriage and everyone advised us to wait before trying again etc..I've only been in the job a year, feel bad about it, even though I'm self employed so wont be a maternity burden on them.
I've many mixed feelings about this, from shallow reasons (was trying to lose weight- am 10stone12 and 5ft 4, so didn't want to start a pregnancy from overweight place), to practical reasons (started a job 12 months ago, can't afford work and childcare for three so would be a SAHP again) and worrying that it wont be fair on my older children. And I'm worried that I'm too old at 38.
But I know I can't go down the termination route. I took the Pill religiously, so feel as though it was clearly meant to be in a way.
How do I get through the next 8 months or so, with the intrusive questions from other people and the worry about having a miscarriage again? It's so soon after my last miscarriage, I'm worried that it's increased the risk of another. And I'm dreading the judgmental comments from people wondering why we had two contraceptive failures in three months, not that it's any of their business really. Any advice from people who have been there is very welcome.

Yes, you will cope

Wow, I can see you have a lot going on in your head, and no wonder.On the mini pill too, and scared now btw!

Look, if termination is not an option, then you have no choice but to accept that what will be will be.
Worry and stress are not your friends right now. Look after yourself, trust that you will cope just fine, having done it twice before, and dont give what other people think a second thought-really.
Oh, and my sister recently gave birth to perfect twins-at 42!
Good Luckx

Ok now the intrusive questions.
Why is it anyone elses business? Id ask them that to their face
You dont need to justify yourself to anyone

You aren't too old
You're not too overweight

You will be able to work everything out out once you've got over the surprise

Don't worry about other people's questions- as you said it's none of their business. Just smile and say it was meant to be. That's what I had to say with DS2 as I had an implant failure and people were very judgy (don't know how they thought I hadn't used an implanon properly ).

Don't tell anyone else until after your scan if you are worried about having a miscarriage- I believe I read something saying the only reason you are advised to wait to ttc afterwards is to make sure you have a period so you get your dates correct- it doesn't increase your chances of it happening again.

And yes it will be hard having a 3rd (mine is only 4 weeks old and I miss sleeping!) but lovely too with all the compensations for sleepless nights babies give you with their first smile.

Is there any chance you could do freelance work as you are self employed, if you don't want to be a SAHP again?
Good luck to you, and congratulations .

I am due dc3 in 8 days time, the pregnancy being a result of a weak moment on my part as dh has wanted to have another one and I was not convinced. It took me a while to get my head around the whole thing tbh but now I think I am ready! You are not too old or overweight and it is no one elses business. You will cope, but I can understand your concerns, I am still finding it hard to imagine myself with another baby. Good luck.

At least your older ones are big enough to help out and dont need as much looking after themselves.

If your eldest will be in high school by the time your mat leave for this one is up then surely there is no childcare at this age and you would only need nursery plus one after school fees?