To be annoyed that mil is making a big thing of ds' stammer

[sails]

Ds2 is only 3.5 and he has devoloped quite a severe stammer. He can take 5 minutes to say just 5 words. When we visited at the weekend she kept making a huge thing of it repeating his words back telling him to slow down even trying to treat it in a way. It made him worse much worse. I dont how I should be dealing with it but that way doesnt seemm right

Relax my ds had a stammer until he was about 5 and has grown out of it completely. Just tell her his brain his working so fast his mouth can't keep up

All 3 of my boys developed a stammer at that age..as did my brother and my Nephew...is it a boy thing?

Anyway, all of them grew out of it by the end of reception...apart from my youngest who grew out of his half way through year 2.

The advice given was to show no signs of impatience at all, keep eye contact..letting them know you're interested in what he has to say and tell him there's no hurry (if he should get upset)

Don't finish off what they're trying to say and don't discuss the stammer in front of them.

This advice worked well for all concerned here

your mil is handling it very badly

my dd had a stammer at 3

the best advice we were given was to simply ignore it (along the lines of what worra said)

it went away after a few months, by itself

I would say...ALLOW him to stammer. Let him know it's ok...try not to react or finish off his words/sentences...or stare at him..and look into speech therapy.

There's a lot of help for stammerers nowadays...

Perhaps show her some official advice along these lines?

Can you ask your MIL to refrain from what she is doing as it goes against all advice? If you have a good relationship then I'd try a firm but polite talk with her. She will only make him self-conscious and uptight.

YANBU obviously.

we saw a speech therapist

she said exactly what worra said

Agree with scruffybird. My ds suddenly developed a stammer at age 5 and a half. Scruffybird is right, it is because he has so much going on in his little head, he doesn't know where to start, so he gets confused. ds used to say 'a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-and......' regularly, almost as if he had got your attention and was working out what to say first. The rest of the sentence would come out fluently, eventually!
Relax and be patient. Sometimes it helped to remind ds to slow down and breathe, but we only ever said it once and in a calming manner, and not often.

Google the British stammering association....

They should be able to help a lot...

Between you and I...I have had a stammer all my life. It was a lot worse when I was a child...but it's still there (to an extent) and has never stopped me from doing anything that I wanted to do.

I don't see it as a disability.

Have a read of the British Stammering Association's advice here and here

There's lots of information, advice and resources

X-Post with most people there!

OP - you do have to step in and curtail your MIL's intervention though. It won't help and she needs to know that.

DS1 had quite a sever stammer at a very similar age - I think it started when he was about 3.2, and lasted for around a year - it peaked at about 6 months in. We completely ignored it, and just waited for him to finish speaking. He is nearly 5 now and it is completely gone. YANBU in the slightest to pull your MIL up on this - she should absolutely not be taking it upon herself to "treat" it; and should not be drawing attention to it.

Thanks everyone I looked at the British Stammering association website last night and also rang their helpline this morning. I found it very helpful and the man I spoke to this morning was very helpful and is sending me leaflets I can show my mil. He said what she was doing was against all advise. She was even telling him to sing it and whisper and ds has been whispering all week when he's been struggling to speak which he never did before. I hate him feeling he has to whisper. :( I didnt say anything to mil at the time as I didnt know what to say what we should be doing iyswim. Now I know I will definately say something.

whisper ????

she is fucking crazy

christ, dontcha just hate these armchair diagnosers !

YANBU. MIL is not helping. (although for benefit of the doubt maybe when she was youger/ became a mum herself this was the advice given).

I would just show her tha latest research and information and say thats how its being dealt with now - and she can help by saying/doing this and that.

That way its all positive but 'tells' her all the same.

Exactly I dont care about his stammer I just dont want him to start whispering he has a voice after all!

She kept saying she had a stammer as a child and saw a speech therapist etc but that was a long long time ago!

Sails - my mother is a SALT and always says that developing a stammer at that sort of age is very common, particularly in boys. He's bound to grow out of it, but the advice you have been given above is correct - you need to tell your MIL to back off!

I'm a speech therapy assistant although I don't work with people with stammers. I know enough though to agree with everyone else and your MIL drawing attention to it is only likely to make it worse.

DD (aged 3.5) also has some issues with consonant sounds so I've spoken to our local speech therapist to find out at what age I shout start worrying and the general opinion is if they still have serious problems at once they've been at school for about a year then they'd start thinking about a referral.

You've done right getting advice on how to deal with it now and once he starts school if they're concerned they'll probably contact the speech therapists. That's how it works where I live. But he'll have probably grown out of it by then. There is usually a long waiting list for speech therapy too.

MIL probably did see a speech therapist when she was younger. I had exactly the same problem as my DD when I was a child. I went to see a speech therapist once when I was 4 they told us to go back in a year if I hadn't grown out of it. Sure enough once I'd been at school for a while I was fine.
Nowadays GP's aren't so hasty to refer.

Hello, I work at the British Stammering Association and thought I'd write something.

As has been said, it is quite common for children to experience difficulties with their speech- around 5% of children under the age of 5 will do so. Around the age of 2-3 is when most children start to stammer, although it can develop at a later age.

In the majority of cases, they will naturally outgrow it. However, we do not advise that parents leave it to correct itself, as some of the posts above have said, as up to a quarter of children are at risk of developing chronic stammering which may persist into adulthood without intervention during the pre-school years.

Therefore, we advise anyone concerned about their child's stammer to get their child assessed by a Speech and Language Therapist as early as possible. It's never too early to act. By getting in touch with the British Stammering Association, we can give you direct contact details of your local NHS therapy service where you can refer yourself without having to go through your GP.

If you are concerned, phone our helpline (local rate) on 0845 603 2001 or email [email protected].

Stammering can affect children in lots of different ways -some will block at the start of sentences, some midway, and others at the end. Some will repeat sounds.

The exact causes of stammering are not yet fully known, but new research is suggesting that it might be genetic. There is no evidence that parents cause stammering, so don't blame yourselves.

Please see this link for parents of under 5's from our website, which gives tips on what to do in the home to support your child: www.stammering.org/under5.html

And here is a link for older children: www.stammering.org/parents_info.html

For more information about stammering in general see our website www.stammering.org.

I hope this helps
Steven
British Stammering Association