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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

FFS how hard is it tom manage your budget grrr

21 replies

eve34 · 26/04/2011 20:43

I appreciate that we are not all blessed with the money skills of a banker. But it is not that hard - you pay your bills you split what you have left into 4 and have that amount for each week - when it is spent it is spent. You also remember that your car is due an MOT and Tax and this needs to come into said budget.

I manage my own money pay my share of the bills run my own car put into a pension, save and have some money for Jollies. I work part time.

I manage the joint account ensure the bills are paid that we save what we can and cover the cost of holidays and DS.

DP has more spends then me and is constantly broke, over drawn credit cards etc. I thought he had cleared everything when he was pensions out of the MOD but no there are still charges and things he is not addressing.

for about 2 months he has said I want you to manage my money - OK I agree you have £100 a week for jollies and petrol. He is always asking for more saying it is his money ans doesn't see paying the debt as a priority. (He pays the minmum amount).

Have told him tonight you play by the rules or have your own bank account back.

End of the rant!!

PS I know we are lucky to have enough to give us money for Jollies. But we (he) has debts and I need to look at replacing my car in the next 12 months. ( I drive for work appox 1000 a month so need a reliable car)

And breath :-)

OP posts:
hairylights · 26/04/2011 20:46

I'm confused. As a family you either do everything jointly, or everything separately, including debts. Time for a proper sit down adult discussion, to plan, without attributing fault or blame?

compo · 26/04/2011 20:49

If you're in debt why is he frittering away £100 a week?

TunaBhuna · 26/04/2011 20:50

You don't have enough money for jollies, you have debts.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 26/04/2011 20:56

doesn't sound like you're that clued up yourself if you think you have money to fritter while you're not paying off debts.

eve34 · 26/04/2011 20:57

No he has a credit card which has some money outstanding - yes it needs to be addressed but it falls on deaf ears. The joint account covers bills and family stuff. My account covers my bill (pay my credit card off each month) DP is just rubbish with money - and fritters it away. On god knows what.

Am fed up of his moaning he never has any money can't do anything nice - he has single friends doing weekends away, nights down the pub etc etc.

Have tried again tonight I am not good with words and it gets left for another night.

HLights - need to sit with pen and paper and get it written in blood.

Thank you for your thoughts it is very much appreciated just needed to rant

OP posts:
Zooo · 26/04/2011 20:58

£100 a week for jollies and petrol? How much petrol does he get through a week and what do you mean by jollies exactly? Is it a weekend out or is it enough to get a coffee everyday?

I'm responsible for managing the money in my house. DH accepts this although he does have a say in what we spend our money on. Even if you do give him his account back you are financially linked to him (I'm assuming) so any bad debt could adversely affect your credit.

eve34 · 26/04/2011 20:59

winterofourdiscounttents - thank you for your input I manage the finacies I have control over fine with no charges or over draft - just can't control DP account as not on the account.

Thank you though

OP posts:
eve34 · 26/04/2011 21:02

I do very much appreciate the feedback - The credit card is in DP name and his account so not directly linked but obviously we are at the same address. It is paid just not the amount I would throw at it.

Petrol for DP is approx £50 a week to get to work - his spends for the week is 1 night at darts and 1 day fishing at the weekend.

OP posts:
Zooo · 26/04/2011 21:05

But if you have a joint account of any kind (which I think you just said you had) or a mortgage together you're financially linked. That means that if he defaults on his card and you apply for a joint loan there could be a problem.

He should be able to manage his own money really but you should both be aware of what's coming in and going out. Just a question but what would he do if you gave him £75 a week and spent the rest on debt?

GypsyMoth · 26/04/2011 21:08

what do you do when its a 5 week month then if you are splitting whats left into 4???
do you look at the calendar and reaslise...or does your budget suffer?

WereOffToSeeTheWizard · 26/04/2011 21:09

Anyone who only pays the minimum on their credit card but has the finances to pay more is a knob . FACT

eve34 · 26/04/2011 21:12

Zooo thank you again - yes we have the mortgage - joint account (as i call it, is in my name) As i said he does pay just the minimum so never makes any head way. He has spent the past 9 years working for MOD so got bonuses which he cleared things up with but is now on civy street.

Need to get on top of this with him and agree on budget I just hate it, he is an adult - hence the rant and I just don't see how he can't budget you have x you pay bills left with y and it last approx 4 weeks.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 26/04/2011 21:15

I would be concerned if I shared a mortgage or bank account with someone who did not prioritise paying off his debts. As I understand it, these are his rather than joint debts, but if he defaults, you could end up losing money because you have joint assets. Be wary.

I'd cut his credit card up, but then I am a bit controlling Wink.

His failure to deal with this could have a further negative effect on you if you were to marry as you would become liable for him to a degree.

You need to sit him down and tell him that sorting this is very important to you and that you won't tie yourself to him unless he grows up a bit and sorts his life out. Work out a budget that he is prepared to stick to. If he won't, then separate yourself from him financially, as you need to cushion yourself against negative consequences of his spending.

eve34 · 26/04/2011 21:15

wereofftoseethewizard - I know just trying to make him see that. Bangs head against brick wall.

ILT - split it into 5 if 5 week month.

Trys to remember nice things about DP :-)

He works hard
He is a good man
A good Dad
Loves me
Can do DIY
is a generally a great all rounder - just pants with his money.

OP posts:
eve34 · 26/04/2011 21:17

Karmer - thank you that is very useful advice. Just need to have that conversation and get all the bank statements etc together and work it out with him- Well I will work it out and show him.

OP posts:
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 26/04/2011 21:21

Harsh... but...

I had a similar problem with my DP.

I took his bankcard off him. If he wants money he has to ask me for it now.

Take control of everything (down to the last penny) or lose your mind.

WereOffToSeeTheWizard · 26/04/2011 21:25

AAah but he's good at DIY
What I would give for a man who is good at DIY.
The credit card thing though I just can't understand, it's just throwing money away.
Maybe you need to add up all the interest he's paid in the last year/2/4 years and show him how much he's wasted.

eve34 · 26/04/2011 21:30

stuck in the middle - don't you geet fed up with being the grown up all the time? I have had all cards for past 2 month and he just always asks and knows I have some savings and wonders why I won't fritter them away.

WOTSTW - I do manage to get him to move it around on interest free so not always so bad but still get charged for balance transfer.

Off to look at bank statments and admire the newly decorated bedroom :-)

OP posts:
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 26/04/2011 21:33

Oh god yes. However, the alternative is financial chaos so I hold firm.

You need to make clear that your savings are sacrosanct - mine are, it's our mortage deposit for the future.

The older I get, the more I actually believe that most men are eternal children and it's up to us to hold the reins - I'll probably get flamed for that!

eve34 · 26/04/2011 21:36

stuckinthemiddle - i sure you won't :-) It is his blind spot and it is so frustrating it is like giving him pocket money i hate it. Needs must though as you say it is for the best.

Thank you everyone for your input need to have that chat.

OP posts:
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 26/04/2011 21:50

Look at this way - we all have our faults and if we have any luck we find a partner that can compensate for them.

Good luck pet x

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