to U turn on plans made in drunken haze?

[singarainbow]

When we had friends over for drinks we arranged for us (with our kids) to spend the royal wedding day with them and their grandchildren, and stay the night. As my DP has an allergy to dogs (friends have a dog) we agreed to sleep in a tent in their garden.
In the cold light of day this is a bad idea on many levels.

1- I finish a night shift at nine that morning, by the time I get home, showered and change and drive to theirs (45 mins away) we would have missed alot of the build up

2- The weather isn't looking that great, we wont be able to sit inside (because of allergy) at all.

3- Due to DP allergy, once the kids are playing inside she can't assist with them at all, especially with the 19 month old as baby will be covered in dog hairs, or at bed time.

So, I sent a tentative text to our friends, and said how would they feel having the whole thing over at ours, and they can all stay over? They said "we would prefer to stay here as planned".

The dog allergy is a pain, but DP can't help it, she can't breathe.

When we were all drinking it seemed so easy, without really thinking it through, and with all the better weather it seemed more do-able.

Now, friends are calling tonight, AIBU to say that if they can't come to ours, then we can't go to theirs...

Any ideas of how to put this??

Thanks

"Hi! In the cold light of day now we're sober it doesn't seem a very good idea, DP is allergic to your dog and it's likely to rain so a night in the tent just isn't practical really haha! Let's leave it now and rearrange the camping for a nicer date. Enjoy the ceremony and see you soon"

Don't fudge, just be honest.

YANBU to change your minds now you've thought it through - I would just get in touch and say "Sorry mate, it sounded like a great plan at the time, but I just don't think we can make it work with the whole allergy thing, since DP won't be able to come into the house or go near the DC and the weather doesn't make staying outside all evening sound like a goer. Sorry to have to cry off, but it just ain't gonna work. Hope you have a good evening anyway"

If the allergy is that severe then I wouldn't be going!

I will definatley be quoting the ideas above, the sticky situation is that DP obviously hates the fact that her allergy is a problem, and feels like its her fault and is ruining the day for everyone. I try to tell her otherwise, and they do have to option to come to ours, but they declined, so ultimately its their choice.
I am trying to think of another reason, other than the allergy, I could go with the weather, not being there in time, any other ideas?

I would just be honest with the whole thing, mention time constraints, impracticalities of sleeping outside in the rain (it's forecast here) and that you wouldn't be able to sit inside due to DP allergies.

YANBU, I've made many a flippant plan whilst hazely drunk

I think the allergy is a perfectly good reason not to go. Your DP may end up being isolated from the rest of the group - will everyone be watching the TV inside? And does the dog go into the garden.

You don't have to go if you don't want to, send the text that Paschaelina suggests.

If you don't want to make it about the allergy, then I'd go with the weather and leave it at that. If you put lots of reasons in then it'll sound like you just don't fancy it and are trying to come up with excuses.

If you make it about the weather - "They're now forecasting rain so the plan to sit outside for the evening and sleep in the tent just isn't going to work I'm afraid" - then it's not a lie, and they'll understand that the original plan was to do with the allergy, but you don't have to mention it directly, so your DP doesn't have to feel so bad about it.

I can see why she feels bad when plans have to be changed to suit her needs, but it's not like she's being deliberately awkward when she can't breathe round dog hair, so your friends should understand that it's not something you can just "cope with" and should be fine with it.

well done paschaelina! god why do we fudge so much......dont do it, sounds awful!¬

Been pro-active sent a text saying again they are "all welcome, but if they dont want to, thats fine, but with weather and time we cant go to theirs, and lesson learned about making plans after wine. lol, speak tonight"

Thanks, just needed reassurance that I wasn't being mean and blowing them out.