to be feeling slightly queasy

[Supanoodle]

My mum rang over the weekend and told me that she's getting married... to my FIL!

Here's a bit of background: dh and I have been married for just over a year and we are expecting our first baby. My mum has always been a single parent and dh's mum died when he was a child, so both were single. Obviously they met through us and about 5 months ago told us that they were an item. This was incredibly shocking, and I can't exactly explain, but felt like a real intrusion. I finally almost have the family I always dreamt of and now it feels like they're interfering and messing things up. We only just got married ourselves. Can you imagine watching your mum being all lovey dovey with your FIL? It's SO weird and wrong. Now I'm going to have to go to their wedding too. What if they split up? Oh heck, that would be even worse, as we will always have ties to both, as will our grandchildren. A friend pointed out this morning that my I will become my dh's step sister .

Everything is mixed up now. My FIL rings up and starts talking to me about things I have had conversations with my mum about. Even if I ask her not to tell him things I still find them being repeated back to me. My mum is forever telling me things about my SIL, so DH is hearing news about his sis that way.

I like DH's family home and have enjoyed visiting there and getting to know FIL over the last few years, but now my mum is going to be moving in there. DH is finding that really odd. His MIL will be living in the house he grew up in.

It's just too much. I don't know how we will ever get used to it.

My best friend was in the same situation, except all 4 parents were still on the scene (all divorced). I know that she took a long time to come to terms with the situation. What didnt help was some helpful person suggested to her that her husband would then be her brother! She can now see, that her mum is happy. Her FIL is a lovely man, and they worship each other. Its obvious that they are happier now they are together.
Yes, your Mum talks to your FIL, he is her partner. Everyone needs someone to sound off to, bounce ideas off of and work things out with.
Imagine how you would have felt if someone had tried to stop you marrying the man you love? It will be hard, your single mother will have someone to share her life with, she wont be exclusively yours anymore, and this person is your FIL, but dont you want her to be happy? You say you have always dreamed of a proper family, now you and DH will both have two parents. You future DCs will have the same 2 GPs they would have in whatever situation your parents are in.

However you decide to deal with it don't be too hard on yourself supanoodle.

It might take a little bit of time to get used to, just give yourself that time.

There's nothing wrong in a natural reaction.

What would be a shame would be to burn your bridges based on that initial reaction and then have a shitty time if you found a way to live with their relationship afterwards.

It's good that you can at least talk to your DH and get some support and understanding from him.

Take care

I do hate it though if you tell a married woman something and she feels absolutely free to tell her husband (who you may not know or even like.)

Maybe you should have an agreement with your mum that when you tell her something is personal, you absolutely want her assurance that it is? To be honest, I don't think that'll be an issue for her.

In a similar way, your DH should feel he can go to his dad without his dad telling your mum about it.

They, too, though are in that situation, don't forget. If your mum is pissed off with her new husband and tells you about it, she'll be worried about you telling your husband, won't she?

Maybe all four of you need to get together and have a pact that when something's talked about privately, it remains private.