Im having a bad time due to worring about my Dad he is in a lot of pain as he has athritis ,common I know but he had to have a doctor called out to him

[flowersinbloom]

as he was in a bad way,I was not there but he was was in discomfort, although I was not told as I was on holiday at him being in so much pain ,he has had to have blood tests .

He has gone from being very active to not walking or being able to pick up anything now,he has slowly gone down hill, I feel very guilty,as Mum and Dad have slowly dwindled out of the picture we have grown apart I just did not realise how much .

Dad has started to become withdrawn and does not go anywhere anymore Mum is a lot younger as is concerned Dad wants to give up ,my other sister said he has given up, Im really woried but feel im overeacting slightly.Mum has started to get very depressed this has happended very quickly.

There is more to this story but it all concerns my sister putting on my family .I dont know all the facts as my other sister has now asked me to come over and talk about things before I my parents a visit,as it has got steadly worse.

It seems im overeacting but I have so much going on right now im starting to get down myself , and feel like I should help but have young family myself which I struggle with ,but what really worries me is the fact my dada wants to give up which is not like him in the least.

I dont know what to do?,please advice.,thanks in advance

I think as you say, you need to speak to your sister first to get a clearer picture of it all.

It is certainly unusual as far as I am aware for arthritis to be so rapid.

Thats what concerns me squeakytoy Dad has not seen a doctor before this for 30 years that shows how healthy and fit he was.

Bump

Don't panic - there's lots of help out there. If your dad has not seen the dr before then he has not investigated treatments, etc. So there is alot of scope there. Also, adult social services can provide carers each day if he wants, to assist with the basics so that he is not struggling to wash, dress, get meals etc and to give your mum a break if she is helping him to do all that stuff every day.
There is lots of help out there.

the decline with athritis can be very rapid.
My father has is riddled with it and in the last 9 months has gone from being able to potter about in the garden and a reasonable guality of life to being in intense pain all the time, his spine is crumbling so be is bent double all the time and unable to do the most basic of tasks. He is now under 7 stone and even though he still eats quite well he is unable to gain weight.
There is very little that can be done for athritis and mainly pain management but once it gets very bad even high dose pain killers dont do much to help.

Thanks sleepingsowell it means alot I feel so helpless I need to identify the facts and go from there.

I am just out of my depth and feel a little lost.

What can I do as his daughter?,I want to be here and take the burden of him and Mum and help in any way that I can?.

How bad is he? And what so of athritis has he got?

I think the best thing you can do is to get him as much outside help as possible (or as much as he is comfortable with). So often I see family members turn into carers, and while this is great in so many ways, it can mean that your relationship as a daughter can be lost into that role of carer. All your interactions become about caring.
So personally, I would try to ensure you support with contacting health/social services/other agencies so that others can take the basic caring role if it's needed, and you can be there as his daughter. Obviously some people can't bear the idea of outsiders coming in and I respect that but if you can avoid the caring role taking over then you should.
Also, you sound as if you have too much on to take it on anyway.
So all the more important that you support them to set up arrangements to assist as you can't be there all the time.

He is really bad Cantspel he has diclined very raplidy I say this has been within 6 weeks although for some time he has been able to hardly eat he is in his mid 70"s , but has had two attacks very close together in the last 6-8 weeks of severe pain.

My sister said athristis but he saw the doctors Friday so I guess we are awaiting for a diagnoise from the blood test ,sorry I can not spell.

My Pil is taking care of the kids this week so I can investigate and talk to sister I dont know what to say to them,I dont feel comfortable with discussing it tbh.

are there problems between you and your sister? Why don't you feel comfortable?

Is it rheumatiod arthritis cos it sounds like he is in the middle of a flare.

Will he let you go with him to the doctor?

The doctor will probably just do blood tests and refer him to the hospital for xrays and maybe a mri scan my dad has had both on his spine and hips.
He can be proscribed pain killers to help but the more advanced the athritis is the less they will help. Some joints can be replaced so if his hips or knees are bad get him refered to Orthopedic at the hospital to see if he is a candidate for either a new hip or knee.

You also need to speak to the admitance avoidance team at the hospital for any help they can provide for the home. frames for walking, hand bars , bed guards or any thing else that will make it easier for him.

He will also need to be assessed for home care. I dont know what their financial situation is but it will depend on what savings they have to if they need to pay. If he is in his 70's he will be able to apply for attendance allowance to help towards the costs.

She is a control freak and has them wrapped around her finger,she is very in with my mum and gets her to do what she wants,mum and dad dont make the effort with my dc's s as much but i have pil they have knowone the other sisters but I understand that to a degree.

I feel comfortable taking to my sister not the other but my Dada will listen to me as Im very close and the eldest and most sensible its the pil I have problems with sometimes.

They have always been there but they are a little over bearing sometimes and like to control my life if they can,so I dont always tell them stuff as they play me off with sil,and at present have other issues going on at the moment that Im tryig to deal with.

Sorry about my writing im just upset a little, at the moment .

I think maybe one good way is to say that you will always talk to your mum and dad direct and do what they tell you they want you to do. tell your sister that you'll be doing this and then you and she will always know that you have a direct link to them and don't need to go through your sister to communicate?

agree with cantspel that the GP should be able to refer you to a health 'admission avoidance type team' - they are sometimes called something like rapid response I think - they may provide aids as cantspel mentions, also can provide short term period of home carers.

And also cantspel is right about attendance allowance - the age is 65 or over and the number is 0800 882200 I think - anyone can ring on your dad's behalf to request a claim form. about £48 a week I think.

Your local council should have a booklet you could get which will list domestic/care agencies so you could get your mum and dad some domestic help if they wanted.

As I say there IS help out there - GP, occupational therapists and social workers are likely to be the people you need, so just a case of finding local numbers - good luck

Thank you very much,Soswell and cantspel ,im so sorry but I have to go to bed now, thanks again for all you help its greatly appreciated.

Goodluck and stay strong.
Arthritis is a awful illness and you dad is going to need you to fight his corner and give all the support you can.