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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am BU, aren't I?

16 replies

deemented · 25/04/2011 15:58

I don't want my DC playing with next doors child.

The woman living next door is a drug dealer. She has people calling every hour of the day and night. Her house has been raided 13 times in the two years i've lived here. She is violent and has had her eldest three children taken off her and put into care. Her youngest child, although only five is a nasty piece of work - constantly swearing and spitting and just very unpleasent - i realise though that he's just a product of his upbringing, it's not his fault.

Now, since the weathers lovely my DS2, age 6 and DD, aged 3 have taken to playing out in the front garden. Thet can't play out the back as we're doing work on it and it's unsafe.

I am sick to death of hearing the boy next door telling my DS to go inside and get toys out so he can play with them, or telling DS to close the front door so i can't hear whats being said. I gave them all an ice-cream a couple of nights ago - i wouln't let any child stand by and watch whilst the others have a treat like that, and since then all i've heard id DS saying JP said that i've to get him a drink, or JP said that he wants some crisps, and earlier - JP said he wants one of my easter eggs.

I've now told DS to tell him no when he asks for something.

I'm not sure if i'm BU...i just don't want my DC getting involved with next door at all.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 25/04/2011 16:00

YANBU -but quite how you prevent it in good weather I don't know.(sorry not much help)

theagedparent · 25/04/2011 16:01

Yanbu, I wouldn't want my dc playing with him either.

exoticfruits · 25/04/2011 16:02

I suppose the only thing is-it isn't the DSs fault. You could try having him in, but play with them all the time-try and cultivate a good side.

mamaz0n · 25/04/2011 16:04

YANBU to tell your son to say no. It isn't your responibility but it may be good for the boy to have a positive influence in his life.

Maybe if he builds a friendship with your son, this boy will learn appropriate behaviour from him.

MadamDeathstare · 25/04/2011 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDreadPirateRabbits · 25/04/2011 16:12

YANBU at all - I have horrible problems trying to get next door's grand-daughter to recognise boundaries, like she has to be invited in not just take advantage of the open back door, not to yell for DS through the catflap (yes really) and to go away if DS doesn't want to play with her. I've now stopped offering her food and drinks altogether, and telling her it's time to go home as DS is going to have lunch. She still hangs around saying can I have some, is DS allowed to play with me after supper etc. And she's 9 and really should know better...

Original poster
deemented · 25/04/2011 16:14

I know it sounds awful, but i really don't want to have to take on the responsibility for this child.

I do try and be out there with them as much as is possible.

They do go to the same school be are on different classes. I'm going to have to suck it up, really aren't i?

I guess when it comes down to it, it's not the child as such. it's the mother - i don't want anything to do with her whatsoever. I admit, i do feel intimidated by her, and i don't want her having any influence on my childrens lives.

OP posts:
RunAwayWife · 25/04/2011 16:18

YANBU at all, I would not want my children anywhere near a child like this

whathow · 25/04/2011 16:21

Whyever would you for a moment think YABU?

Original poster
deemented · 25/04/2011 16:23

I thought people would think i was BU because he's only a child, not his fault that his mothers what she is, etc.

OP posts:
ikilledBosco · 25/04/2011 16:26

YANBU - But.......

I do feel sorry for the little boy as i'm sure many other parents are going to feel just like you do deemented leaving him a very lonely boy Sad .

jubilee10 · 25/04/2011 16:27

YANBU. Get the back garden sorted as quickly as you can and get them out there when you are not with them. I feel sorry for the other child but he is not your responsibility and you certainly don't want him to become your responsibility.

FabbyChic · 25/04/2011 16:27

Honey you are not a tuck shop!

As he is already at his house if he wants something he can go into his own house and get it.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 25/04/2011 16:30

It is very sad about the little boy, but it is not your job to raise him, Dee. I don't think you are being at all unreasonable in not wanting your own DCs to raise them.

It isn't your fault that his mother is a complete waste of space!

TheDreadPirateRabbits · 25/04/2011 16:31

trust me you'll stop feeling sorry for him after a few years of the same behaviour no matter what you do

Interesting question - at what point is it acceptable to find a child's behaviour unacceptable, without assuming you have to make allowances for the parents IYSWIM? 10 plus? older? younger?

KaraStarbuckThrace · 25/04/2011 16:31

'wanting your own DCs to play with him.'

That is what I meant! Tired, heat is getting to me!

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