to not want to be guilt tripped?

[yummybutterbiscuit]

had a falling out with my mum yesterday because I didnt go to church....

I work all weekend in a pub, so have a long lie on sundays. was going to MILs for sunday lunch at 2, so wouldnt be able to go to an evening mass, and becase I work all weekend, I didnt make it to any of the other easter masses.

so at 12pm on sunday I got a phonecall from my mum asking if I had been to church, I said no, I slept in and was now on the train on the way to MILs. All I got in response was an 'ok, bye' and then she hung up on me.

about 2 mins later I got another phonecall from her, and I answered expecting an apology for being short with me. INstead I got a shouting crying phonecall telling me that I'd 'broken her heart' and 'how can she not hate my OH because its his fault'. He's agnostic but does support me with the fact that I am religious.

I stayed silent on the phone, until she hung up on me again, I then texted my dad to say that th phonecall had been really unfair, and that they need to let my be an adult and make my own decisions about whether or not I go to church.

And the annoying thing is that I would still class myself as a practising catholic, I just dont think going to church every sunday is the be-all and end-all of faith. I can be lazy about going to church, and I know its laziness, but I always have a busy weekend and am tired by sunday. I dont think my mum gets that its not a personal slight against her if I dont go to church.

So basically, AIBU to not have got in touch with her since then? IM waiting for an apology, but so is she apparantly. but I havnt done anything I need to apologise for, have I???

I hope that your mother is confessing to emotional blackmail!

Exotic, she's not admitted to anything so far anyway, not heard from her and we are usually in touch once a day.

Honestly, Fabby! You do come out with some classics, don't you? I think that even those of us with no Christian allegiance are aware of the importance of Easter in the liturgical calendar but I'm equally sure that the OP can miss the occasional mass without being cast into the Fiery Furnace or being accused of not being a proper Catholic.

I would say you are totally in the right except for one act - texting your dad. Firstly, never have a row by text message, it's just foolish. Secondly, what the heck has your dad got to do with it? Are you expecting him to control your mum in the same way she believes your husband is manipulating you into avoiding mass?

Anyway, the other posters have said pretty much everything else I was going to say apart from one thing. When you do have it out with her I would make this point: she said to you that she hates your husband because he's turned you against the church. Obviously you should point out that she's wrong on that score (as others have said), but how about also warning her that it is not on to slag off your husband like that, as it's forcing you to choose between him and her - and your choice would be him, not her.

If you want to play her at her own game, say travelling (i.e off to MiLs) means that you get a special dispensation from church attendance for that day.