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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider co-sleeping with newborn AND toddler?

17 replies

wolfhound · 25/04/2011 09:43

Is it dangerous? Unwise? Background:-

Nearly 7mths pregnant. DS1 (3.5) who's always been a good sleeper has recently started waking up many times a night. DH usually sees to him but is exhausted. Considering DH moving into spare room and co-sleeping with DS1 when he wakes up. DS2 (21mths) sometimes sleeps through and sometimes wakes up and comes into bed with me (wants me and won't accept DH).

Thinking about what happens with newborn. Was planning on co-sleeping with newborn (did it with both boys till they were 12 mths). But uncertain what will happen with DS2. Feel a bit disorganised - when DS2 came along, we planned very carefully and got DS1 into a great sleeping routine. Have tried to do it this time too, but the boys just haven't co-operated!

OP posts:

Onefunmum · 25/04/2011 11:28

There are safe ways of doing it so YANBU.
DD is just 2 and was sleeping in her own bed when DS (11 weeks) was born but she's started to wake and come into our bed at about 4am, sometimes earlier.
Luckily we have a big bed and a bedside cot but DP sometimes ends up in the spare bed and I end up with the two of them in bed with me. I sleep in-between them and DS sleeps either in or on the side of he bed where his cot is.
It doesn't happen every night but I didn't want DD to feel left out as she is in her own bed while we are all in our bed IYSWIM so I let her in when she wants to.
If the 4 of us are in bed it goes DP, DD, me, DS.
I think you have to do what works for you!

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2011 11:40

I've no experience of having a newborn and toddler in bed at the same time, but our 15 mo dd2 still sleeps mostly in our bed.

She doesn't move about much when she's asleep, but it would concern me that I could take responsibility for keeping a newborn sleeping safely in the bed for myself, but I wouldn't like to on behalf of the toddler.

What if they roll over near the babys face and they perhaps can't breathe properly?

It wouldn't just be for the baby but for how the toddler would feel when they got older and they were 'responsible' for anything happening.

I'm probably missing something and being over protective, but it's just how I'd feel at the prospect of them both in the same bed as me.

FrameyMcFrame · 25/04/2011 11:42

I think it's fine if you can sleep in between them. I co-slept with 8 yr old and 18months baby on holiday and I went in the middle.

msbuggywinkle · 25/04/2011 12:24

Works brilliantly here. We have two double mattresses on the floor and do DP, DD1 (4), me, DD2 (2) and have done since DD2 was born.

Original poster

wolfhound · 25/04/2011 13:15

Thanks all for responding. Yes i would definitely go in between them, wouldn't have toddler sleeping next to baby. Would be a bit of a pain though, as I like to sleep on my side and swap sides, so normally with a baby would hug them to my chest and roll to the other side - but wouldn't be able to do that. Also toddler would prob get a bit cross because he likes to snuggle up to me, but i would have to have my attention on the baby...
msbuggy- i think the 2 double mattresses on the floor is the best idea - though don't think DH would like that as he wouldn't like the way the bedroom looked then. What did you do with your bed? We would have to dismantle ours and put it in the loft!

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 25/04/2011 13:21

A bedside cot is a good idea. I only ever fed from one side at night when ds was a baby as I didn't want him in between me and DP and it worked fine (although I did have one bigger boob for a while!).

Newgolddream · 25/04/2011 13:25

I dont think this would work for me as Im a very light sleeper and having DH in the bed is bad enough sometimes without kids to But its your choice and if you want to go for it, give it a try.

tryingtoleave · 25/04/2011 13:38

I did this because ds, who was two, was still waking a lot and was very dependent on me. Luckily he liked to face my back and hold onto my hair ( am so glad that is over, actually!) so I faced dd. It did mean one of my breasts would expand to about three times the other by evening, because I was only feeding on one side.

Hmmm, thinking about it now I wouldn't do it unless you are desperate. I really didn't feel that I had an option.

tryingtoleave · 25/04/2011 13:39

We had a queen and single bed next to each other, and lay dh, ds, me dd.

Original poster

wolfhound · 25/04/2011 14:09

Got a bedside cot when DS2 was born, but he didn't like it & slept much better in the bed. Will be putting it up again for DC3, but not holding out too much hope!

newgolddream - i sleep much better with no children in the bed! But I sleep better with them in the bed than jumping in and out of bed to go and soothe them several times a night. It's finding the most practical option.

tryingtoleave - perhaps i will start training ds2 to sleep facing my back. problem is i like to touch his face about 30 times a night to make sure he has not got it buried in the pillow. God knows why. When he's sleeping in his own cot i don't creep up to check where his face is (he is 21 mths).

Still living in hope that over the next 2 mths both boys will get back to sleeping soundly....

OP posts:

StealthyKissBeartrayal · 25/04/2011 14:10

YANBU however this might be atime to get your toddler to accept your DH - they could co sleep v happily while you deal with the baby

EauRouge · 25/04/2011 14:19

We do it, I sleep in between my 2.6 yo and 8 wo DDs. DH sleeps in another room anyway because of his sleep apnoea. It works brilliantly for us especially as I tandem feed. I curl up in the C position around DD2, DD1 sleeps like a starfish on the other side of the bed

janetsplanet · 25/04/2011 14:23

i co-slept with a newborn and a 6yr old. a few days into it, the 6yr old grabbed his pillow and marched into his own room/bed cos the baby woke him up

FabbyChic · 25/04/2011 14:26

If you start as you mean to go on, i.e don't co-sleep at all with the newborn it may well work to your advantage.

I co-slept with only one of mine until he was 2.5 but the first born always went in a moses basket/cot and never co slept.

Original poster

wolfhound · 25/04/2011 14:27

stealthy - yes, i agree. better if DS2 would accept DH in middle of night (DH usually does his bedtime & he settles well in his cot then). Problem is DS1 (3.5) has started waking several times a night so DH is up and down with him and not really available for DS2.

EauRouge - i like the 'C position' description. That's exactly how i sleep with mine when they're tiny - think it's the ultra-protective instinct coming out.

janets - that would be ideal if he'd march back to his own room! fingers crossed :-)

OP posts:

msbuggywinkle · 25/04/2011 14:32

Our bed is in the next biggest bedroom atm.

As far as DH not liking the look, well it isn't forever, we plan on redecorating our room as a grown-up sanctuary when they move out and everyone gets much more sleep!

iamaLeafontheWind · 25/04/2011 17:06

We go DS, me, DD & DH. I can actually feed from both boobs while lying on the same side, just tilt shoulder forward, although it's easier once the baby gets to a couple of months old.

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